025: In the Belly of the Beast

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Okay, so your name. So your. Your name tonight is gonna be Gavin in honor of my move back to California. But before we get to that, I just want to submit a few things into evidence, if that's okay with the court. Let's see. Works for me. Let's see. Think this was. I need a timestamp here. I want to say about 7:30 said. I say, you want to shoot for 8:45 or 9? Reply comes in 8:30. Works interesting. So I text at. Your honor, I really wish I had readers. I'd like to move my readers down on my nose right now. 8:30, I text, good to go when you are 8:43. I get a reply. Two minutes. Sorry. All good. That's what I say. Because I'm a man of grace. You text back, ready? I video call you. We. We get on, and I say, okay, I'm gonna hit record. You ready? And what do you say? What do you say? Nope. Your honor, this is outrageous. [00:01:25] Speaker B: I'm first of all, glad that you opened up, because I was not fully plugged into my recorder. So that works. 1, 2, 8:30 worked. And then I got her ready for bed. And this is a great, great opening for tonight's topic, by the way. Abraham, Tonight's topic is on fathers, okay? And the importance of a father figure. And so I lay her down in bed, and I go, hey, I want to pray with you real quick, like, before you go. Before you go to sleep, you know? And so she's like. And I'm like, I just want to give you a hug. And she's like, dad. And I'm, like, laying in, like, we got her this bean bag that folds out into, like, a queen mattress beanbag, if you will. And so she's like, dad, I'm a big girl. And I'm like, yeah, but don't you. [00:02:17] Speaker A: Ever say that to me, you know? [00:02:18] Speaker B: And I'm like, come on. Like, let me just give you a hug. She's like, I'm a big girl, dad. You know, like, come on. Like, I don't need you to lay me down. Like, I'm a big girl. And I'm like, dude, I just want to give you a hug and say a quick prayer. So she lays down next to me and we pray. And then I put on, like, her sometimes she likes listening to sound bowls when she goes to sleep. So I'll put on, like, a YouTube background noise. And she lays there and, like, dude snuggles right into me. And I'm like, for someone that's a big girl, you know, so then, like. So I'm like, okay, I'm about to get up, and I feel like, you know, like, when you. When someone falls asleep next to you, you kind of feel their little body movements, like, twitches. [00:02:58] Speaker A: The little twitches. [00:02:59] Speaker B: Yeah. And so she starts to twitch, and I'm like, all right, cool. So then I'm like, okay. I start to get up, and she's like, couple more minutes. And I'm like, okay. She, like, grabs my arm back down because it was like, on her, like, around her, like, kind of face area. And I went to move to get up, and she was. A couple more minutes, she puts my arm back down on her. And so I was like, oh, man. Should. Told this dude 8:45. Should have told this dude 8:45. I just want to say, though, I might have been with her, but you were on my mind the whole time. [00:03:37] Speaker A: But in a stressful way. [00:03:40] Speaker B: Yeah. I was like, I bet my phone's ringing right now. Bet my phone is ringing, right? And then I got like. So there's times when I lay down in bed, and in order to, like, find ultimate peace, I try and focus on a snake slithering across my floor. Like, I try and focus to see. Could I hear a snake going across the floor? Because that's quiet. So I literally, like, just try and imagine, like, something small that doesn't make a lot of noise going across my floor. Like, could I hear that? And it kind of re. Refocuses my mind to kind of, like, be at peace, to kind of listen for that. That's what I was doing. But with my phone ringer, I'm like, can I hear my ringer across the house from my room. [00:04:31] Speaker A: Now? You're all good. I. I knew when you said, 8:30, I'm gonna put her to bed, I was like, you're not gonna put her to bed at 8:30 and then also be ready for the podcast at 8:30. Dude, it's just not gonna happen. [00:04:43] Speaker B: Well, what it was gonna be was, hey, let's pray. Good night, Close the door. And then it was like, I know her mind, and I. And I know, like, so last night. Oh, last night was hard because I said, hey, look, she's a negotiator, and I enjoy that about her. I said, hey, look, school's coming up. First day of school's coming up. I'm gonna need you to start getting to bed at 8:30. This conversation went at the beginning of the week. She's like, all right, cool. So last night I was like, hey, I'LL let you stay up till 9 o', clock. But that's it. She's like, oh, come on, dad. Like, you know, I'm playing with Tatiana on Roblox. Like, can I just stay up till 10? And I'm like, no. She's like, I'll go right to bed. I'm like, nah. So then, like, you know, she negotiated me into 10 o' clock bedtime, and I go, I get up. I hear her at like 10:39. I'm in bed trying to go to sleep, and I hear her at 10:39. So I go in there and I'm like, whoa, bro. Like, what are you still doing up? And she's like. And she's not doing nothing. She's literally laying in her bed. And she's like, I can't sleep. Like, I'm just laying here. And we have our little conversation about, like, when you make deals, you got to keep to them, you know? And so I knew her mind was going to be racing the first day before school, so I was just like, you know what? Let me lay with her. Because usually when I lay with her, she's out in two minutes. You know, it's. [00:06:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:01] Speaker B: So that's kind of where. Where that happened. But I appreciate your grace. My. Your honor, I appreciate it. [00:06:10] Speaker A: No, I just. I just wanted to do that bit. I just thought that was funny. There's no reality to that whatsoever. [00:06:18] Speaker B: So let me ask you, when you thought of this bit, was it at 8:30 or was it when I said, no, 8:30 works, and you're like, nah, there's no way you're putting her to bed. Okay, okay. Courthouse scene, your honor. Cool. [00:06:31] Speaker A: No, I. I sat down at 8:30 and then just texted you. And my text was only like, hey. [00:06:39] Speaker B: Just ready when you are. Just. [00:06:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm good. It wasn't like a, hey, let's get going. It was. It was just, you know, you know, you got 15, 20 minutes, whatever you need. And then at like 8:35, I was like, I know, it would be funny. I would like to submit these texts into evidence. [00:06:59] Speaker B: All right, so tell me about this. How was the. How was the journey from Oklahoma to California, man? [00:07:05] Speaker A: Oh boy. I mean, I could. I could spend two hours talking in every little detail, but let's just say that I was woefully unprepared, really, for the actual departure. And we got. We got two of these huge cube things to ship our stuff in, and I didn't pull up a video of these things. Like, I knew the dimensions But I didn't pull up a video of them until the night before they arrived. And that's when I realized these aren't going to be big enough. So I realized like, okay, we got two of these. But like it looks like a dude is standing in it and can almost touch each end. [00:07:53] Speaker B: Yeah, they're like 10 by 10. [00:07:57] Speaker A: These were like 8ft tall, 6ft across, maybe 7ft deep. [00:08:04] Speaker B: Wow. [00:08:05] Speaker A: Which sounded huge when my wife ordered at all. [00:08:08] Speaker B: Not at all. That's a bedroom now. [00:08:10] Speaker A: And we, but you know what, we sold everything. I mean, we got rid of the couch, the kitchen table, I mean, everything that we weren't really going to use. So we thought for sure, you know, we moved out with one of these when we moved to Oklahoma. So I thought, okay, two of these would definitely take care of just like clothes and books and you know, a chair, you know, and nope, nope. So we filled both of those things up and then I was like, well, a third one can't get delivered in time, you know, at this point. So my wife and daughter left on the 5th and it's like the 7th or the 8th now. And I'm like, I got a two day drive ahead of me to even get back to them if I left right this minute. So it's like I've been away from my daughter for like four days already and I'm like, I can't wait for another cube. I've got to get this done. So I go to U Haul and I get a big, the biggest trailer they have and fill that thing up. That's barely enough. So we packed all three of the cars full of as much stuff as we could and then, and then we, we boogied. But yeah, I had to, I had to jettison a bunch of stuff last minute. Yeah. So we made it out, but it. [00:09:29] Speaker B: Was tight and like a man's honest. [00:09:33] Speaker A: Drove the what? [00:09:35] Speaker B: Tight like a man's honest. [00:09:41] Speaker A: And so yeah, so then we, we did a, we got out like at like one o' clock the day we left. I was trying to leave at 10:30 that morning. We got out at 1. We didn't make it to Gallup, New Mexico the first night, which is exactly halfway. We, we got like 40 minutes shy of that. So we stopped for the night in, in Grants, New Mexico. And I was like, great, so tomorrow I've got more than half the drive to do. So we've got another. Yeah. [00:10:18] Speaker B: So I thought you're gonna be like, great luck. I'm gonna have half my stuff to move. [00:10:25] Speaker A: I'm Gonna throw more away. So we luckily going that way you gain two hours. [00:10:32] Speaker B: I only said that because I hear nothing good about New Mexico. [00:10:38] Speaker A: You know what? I know there are nice places, but none of them are along I40. No period there. We honestly, we should have stopped in Albuquerque, but I was literally like, I mean, Albuquerque is where Breaking Bad takes place. I'm not, I'm not parking a trailer full of all my stuff in Albuquerque. [00:11:03] Speaker B: Along the highway Next morning. You have half your stuff to move only, you know. [00:11:08] Speaker A: Yeah, right, exactly. And I was expecting it. I mean, Grants was not a nice little town like I thought it was going to be. But no one, dude, I even had stuff in the bed of the truck, uncovered, unlocked, and it was all there in the morning. So thank you to the, to the good people of Grants, New Mexico. [00:11:27] Speaker B: I've heard great things about Grants, New Mexico. [00:11:31] Speaker A: Have you? That's not possible. You've never heard of Grants, New Mexico? Oh, dude. And it was, I mean, God bless my parents for getting me my own room because I had the cats with me and I was just, they wanted to get one room and I was like, guys, I'm not asking for a handout here, but those cats are going to jump on your head in the middle of the night. Like, you can't sleep with the cats. You're not going to like it. So they got me my own room. But it was, it was the worst motel I've ever been in, dude. It was 90 degrees in that room and the swamp cooler in the window wasn't doing shit. So I, I slept with the cats, got up the next morning at like 8 and we hit the road at 8:30. [00:12:17] Speaker B: That's probably more you've ever seen your life, huh? [00:12:20] Speaker A: Yeah, dude, it was in my face. No, they were, they were actually, they were just so glad to be out of their carrier that they were pretty well behaved. So that was good. But man, I mean it was, it was a, it was a slog. But we got in the next day a little bit after sunset. So, you know, we drove all day, but we made good time. And I never went over the speed limit because I wasn't even supposed to be going 75 with the trailer. I was, I was risking that. [00:12:56] Speaker B: Yeah, that's dangerous. [00:12:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And then, but I loaded it really well. So I, I, if you load it correctly, you probably don't have problems. [00:13:05] Speaker B: But I'm glad you know that. I didn't know you knew that. [00:13:09] Speaker A: No, I, yeah, I, well, I knew it, I knew it because of JP and just all my experience traveling with him. But I looked up a bunch of videos online of like, what's everything I need to know about a trailer, about, about cute, the moving cubes, about all this stuff. So. But then when we pulled into, when we crossed into California, the speed limit signs changed and it went from 75 across the board to 75, but if you're towing anything, you're 55. So then I was like, all right, guys, I'm gonna go 75, but I'm gonna have to drop 20 miles if I see any cop, any white car coming up beside us. Like, so just, you know, they were both following me. But it's like, be ready, like, don't be mad if I have to drop to 55 all of a sudden because you know, that's a. Probably a hefty ticket in California. But yeah, so we made it and my dad lost his cell phone the day before we left Oklahoma. So he was driving a car with no way to contact either of us. So we were just like, all right, you're in the middle. You don't, you don't get out of line. Ever. [00:14:25] Speaker B: Could have been a blessing in disguise though, I guess, huh? [00:14:30] Speaker A: Hey, I spent five minutes looking for him. What do you want from me? [00:14:38] Speaker B: I've gone above and beyond. Wow. Well, I was praying for you, so I'm glad you made it. Where are you recording from? At your parents house? [00:14:48] Speaker A: I am in what will be my wife and I's room. This is my old bedroom. [00:14:53] Speaker B: Oh, nice. [00:14:55] Speaker A: Yeah. You know the room? [00:14:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Where's the wife and the baby? [00:14:59] Speaker A: There. So the crib and the bed are in the moving cubes that don't get delivered till Friday. So they're staying at her friend's house for now. [00:15:09] Speaker B: Oh, nice little peaceful break, I guess. [00:15:13] Speaker A: Kind of. Except I've gotta go. But I miss them every day. I do. No, I do a lot. And it's. I don't like not having her under the same roof as me, but I gotta drive over there to pick them up every day, drive back to put her to bed and give her a bath. That's actually why I didn't make it here at 8, because I was, I was trying to get her to go to sleep at 7:30 and I'm just like, I'm 15 minutes down the road. Like I'm for sure not gonna be back at 8. So like kind of, that's actually the, the backstory to your crimes is that I was the reason we couldn't do it right at 8 o'. [00:15:50] Speaker B: Clock. [00:15:51] Speaker A: So, like, it's really my fault. [00:15:53] Speaker B: It actually worked just because of her first day of school. Like, in two weeks, when I have her back, it'll be different. You know, be like, Hey, 8:30 is your bedtime. In fact, why don't we just start at 8:30? Does that work? [00:16:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm good with that. Yeah, anytime between 8 and 10 would be fine for me. So whatever works for you. [00:16:12] Speaker B: You find work out there yet? [00:16:13] Speaker A: Yeah, but no, not yet. I've put in some applications, but I haven't heard back on anything. I need to work on a really good cover letter and then start studying for my certification. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Right on. Right on. Well, we just want to take a moment. Gavin and Abraham want to take a moment and say, welcome to Pseudonyms, everyone. [00:16:39] Speaker A: Yes, welcome. We're glad to have you. I've missed this so much. [00:16:44] Speaker B: I have too, as well, man. And, you know, I was going through the week and I'm like, man, like, you know, our. Our fan base, as large as it is, has been asking, when are you guys coming out with another one? And I said, hey, my man's in the middle of moving. We probably should have posted, Honestly, our last posting of Pseudonyms kind of made like a insert somewhere and be like, hey, my moving in the next month. So, you know, we're gonna. You know, we're gonna be taking a little hiatus. However, we are back. My man's in California. I have missed this. And throughout the. Throughout the time where I was going with that, since. Since we. We haven't been together, I've been like, wondering, you know, what's a group good topic, you know, and throughout my dating career, if you will, since I've been separated, I have engaged with a couple women who are slightly younger by 25 years or so. And I've asked them, how's your relationship with your dad? And only one was like, it's messed up. And I'm like, that makes sense why our relationship is what it is. And so. And so as of recent, I've been. I've been kind of talking to people, and dads have been coming up a lot. And I'm like, you know, maybe. Maybe that's the topic we talk about, is the importance of a father figure in the house. Now, I was blessed, not me personally, but I was blessed in the sense that my number one, as inactive as I was and as absent as I was, her mom did a great job, you know, and that is. That is not common, but it's not uncommon. You know, there. There are resilient Women that. That come from only women households and so forth. So. And I don't know if her uncle or her grandpa played a role in her life. I assume they did because she really connected with her grandparents. But either way, I can't take anything away from her mom. She did a great job. [00:19:00] Speaker A: So you said there that you were kind of absent, but did it feel that way at the time or did it just sort of feel like providence at the time? [00:19:15] Speaker B: That's a tricky question because, you know, I was 19 when I had her. We tried to work it out. We finally separated for good at 20, and she took her and moved all the way to Florida. So I'm in California and I got a daughter in florida. Well, at 19, I'm waiting tables, bro. I'm not making money to go buy plane tickets, you know. And so there were times where I went out and visited when I could afford it or when someone would, you know, my grandparents would say, hey, we got you. Take you go see your daughter. But outside of that, like, you know, there were definitely times where, like, her mom called and was like, you know, I'm with somebody else and, you know, he wants to adopt her and I want you to sign over paperwork. And the initial knee jerk reaction of I want to say I was 21 or 22 at the time was, you know, that's fine, you know, like, if that's what you want to do, like, so be it, you know, Then of course the, the kind of seeking counsel and, you know, really contemplating it being like, no, like, that's. That's my daughter, you know, like, no, nobody's gonna adopt her. And then I think she came back into our lives around 11, 12. But again, let's see, I was maybe even older, but. But again, I think she was already in, like, either starting high school or in high school, like freshman year, but could have been older. I know she's listening, so I wish I knew, but. But, you know, then it was, There was a strain in our relationship, you know, like, I. I wanted to have daddy daughter dates every week, and every week it just got rescheduled every week, you know, hey, she's going to a friend's house. Hey, she wants to do this. I know there was something deeper there, of course. And then, you know, kudos to her because when she was, I want to say, like, we. There were times where we had conversations. We sat down and had coffee and talked about, you know, hey, like, I want more for our relationship. And for her, a lot of it was. I remember her saying, One time, like, you know, I just want you and mom to be back together. And there was that harsh reality of like we. There is no me and your mom being back together like that. That won't happen. You know, there, there's been some. [00:21:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you were married at the time, right? [00:21:46] Speaker B: Yeah. And there were lines that were crossed during that time, you know, and you know, people get in their emotions, so I don't, you know, it's nothing. I never held against her. But, you know, like, there was one night at. I want to say it was like new want to say. It's like New Year's Eve or in January, it was either my birthday or in new. On New Year's Eve and her mom called. I want to say, like it. Four in the morning, two, three in the morning. I mean, we were just kind of like winding down for the night and just went off about, you know. You know, I know that, you know, you think of me when you're with her and your wife's so ugly and this and that and was just going off and I was with a couple friends and my wife and I'm like, whoa. Like, where. What the hell is going on here? And so, you know, we had the whole like, sit down intervention thing in the following month where it was like, hey, if we're gonna have this relationship, you can't be crossing those lines. Like, you can't be calling me and putting down my wife. You know, it was it, you know, weird time, I guess, because I remember my father wanted to be a part of that. Like, hey, I'll mediate. And then, you know, I told him, you know, well, my wife going to be there. She's the other half of me, you know. And he was, you know, he kind of got upset about it and started going off and I was just like, dude, I don't need this from you as well, you know, like, so I don't know, it's weird. You know, we showed up one day to my parents house, we dropped the kids off, we go on a date, we come back and you know, all of a sudden my number one answers the door and I'm like, it was, it was a weird situation because I should have been like, hey, like, oh my gosh, it's good to see you. But it. I was so taken back. I was like, whoa. My first question was like, who else is here with you? And she was like, you know, like, everybody. My mom, my. My sisters, my brothers. And I'm like, what the. You know, I was like, what. [00:23:45] Speaker A: Is she, at this point, this is when. [00:23:46] Speaker B: She first came back. I want to say she was in her teens, her early teens, maybe preteens. Okay. [00:23:52] Speaker A: So she's old enough to kind of understand why this is wild. [00:23:56] Speaker B: I don't know if she did, you know, she was like, hey, it's good to see you. And I'm like, oh, yeah, like, it's good to see you. And I go, and my parents are like, hey, surprise. You know, like, we moved them back to California and they're living with us. Yeah. You know, and I'm like, what the. You know, and then fast forward, that's when the New Year's Eve night happened. But yeah, it's just, it's all that to say her mom did a great job. I'm realizing now the importance of having a father figure in the home. And I think number one, because she's been very gracious, you know, at 18, she sat me down and was like, hey, I'm giving you a get out of jail free card and we're gonna start over. Like, you know, this is, this is our relationship. We have a great relationship. I think we do at least. But like, I mean, the maturity on her end one, and it was just. She's always shown me a lot of grace and I'm very thankful for that. But I feel bad for her in a sense because I, she sees me more active with my current daughters. And that has nothing to do with favoritism. It has everything to do with, like, me realizing what a man is, me realizing what a father figure is, me realizing the importance of those roles and the importance of having a father. And it's, it's unfortunate that I had her when I was such an immature, you know, man or boy, you know, where I didn't realize that stuff. I didn't really look at the impact of that on someone's life. [00:25:38] Speaker A: I feel like the oldest kid, no matter what the situation is, even, even if it was, you know, a two parent household and you guys were together forever, the oldest kid always gets it worse than any other kid. You know, just like, no matter how much you have your figured out, you don't have it figured out as much as you're gonna have for your third, you know. [00:26:01] Speaker B: Well, it's like that commercial where, like they have the first kid and, you know, they're telling everybody, like, you know, wash your hands when you hold her. And you know, you know, like, and then the second kid they're like letting play in the street, you know, they're just like, oh, they're fine. [00:26:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:13] Speaker B: You know. [00:26:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:18] Speaker B: How would you say your father has impacted your life? I know we both have different ends of the spectrum. Some of the. Some of the characteristics of our father. Our fathers overlap. But from your perspective, your dad was always in your household, where my dad was more worried about his, you know, his enjoyment of life and kind of lived in that realm. Yeah. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Well, it's funny that you say spectrum, because he's the one who put me on it. Exactly what I was just saying. The. The older kid is just gonna have a worse experience pretty much no matter what. And our. Our childhoods differ quite a bit from. From our earliest memories. So, you know, things. Things got cleaned up a little bit, you know, before I was making memories. But, you know, you. You mentioned, you know, presence, but I would. I would argue there was, you know, an emotional absence there. Gotta watch my voice. I'm. I'm in the belly of the beast. The next year of podcasting is gonna be real quiet. But, yeah, I mean, I try. I. I think it inspired me to just be the best dad I can possibly be, you know, and I. I try not to make it, like a spite thing, but sometimes I feel like it kind of is, you know, for sure. [00:28:06] Speaker B: I. I think I sense the same thing. Like with. With my daughters, including number one now in my life, I'm kind of like, I want to be there. I want to be active. [00:28:17] Speaker A: I want to. [00:28:17] Speaker B: I want to reach out to you. You know, I don't hear from my dad, but maybe once every six months, and it's usually, you know, oh, I'm in, you know, whatever. I'm in town, you know, but, like, I try and call my daughter, be active in her friendships, you know, talk to her about her life with my other daughters that are more locally closer, you know, like, with. With number four, I try and, you know, do crafts. You know, today we went and got our nails done, and so, you know, I try and just, like, create those type of moments. But with that being said, I do find myself and I find this even in my career where I'm, like, not so much anymore. But as I started my career in construction, my goal was to show him I'm. I'm better than you. Like, I'm better than you all the way around. You know, I'm gonna be a better father. I'm gonna be a better superintendent. I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna achieve more, and I'm gonna do more. And I passed the career goal. I don't know, probably like four or Five years ago, where I'm just like, yep, no longer competing with you, dude. Like, you know, like, yeah. [00:29:34] Speaker A: I'm building America. [00:29:36] Speaker B: Yeah, I passed you on lap two, bro. And so, but as far as being a father, like, even when he visited, it was just like, I'm gonna, you're gonna see me sit down with my girls and read the Bible. You're gonna see me sit down with, you know, like he was in the living room one night eating, and number three came in and was like, hey, like, you know, this is where I'm at. This is what I'm doing. Like, this is kind of what the Lord's showing me. And we literally had a three or four hour, like in depth conversation about, you know, decisions and, and, you know, biblical guidance and so forth. And he couldn't go nowhere because he's eating dinner for like the first hour of it. But to let him see, this is what a father does. Like, a father sets apart time to sit with his kids and talk when they need him. A father sets apart that time doesn't necessarily have to fully lecture because that's all he did. He want, he thought, you know, he thought his rule was golden. So it was just like, I'm going to tell you what you should do. And there was no real conversation. It was just one sided, like, listen to me lecture. And that's just kind of one of the things I always remember about my father was like, you're gonna get a lecture whether you're in trouble or whether you need help. You're gonna get a lecture. [00:30:49] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's, you know, one of the first things that I kind of thought about on this subject is like defining absence, you know, because there's, there's definitely like a physical, there's an emotional, there's a spiritual, there's. There's all these different kind of, you know, ways in which. What? [00:31:15] Speaker B: Oh, I just said elements. Yeah, like different, different. All these different elements of absence. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And, and you, you know, it, it was real to me from the beginning that, like, if I don't really focus on this and really be the best I can be, I might end up just being emotionally absent. You know, like, if I focus too much on just being in the house, you know, and just putting food on the table, you know, it's very, I think a lot of people fall into that, frankly. And it's so easy to do because your role is just to pay and just to put food on the table and to provide. And so it's so easy to Convince yourself that, like, well, I do need to work 12 hours a day and not spend any time with them, you know, in order to fulfill my role in the household, you know? But I. I think your role is more. [00:32:20] Speaker B: It definitely is. I feel like it falls under that. That, like, I'm gonna give them the things that I never had. Therefore, I work the hours to produce the finances, to give them the things I never had. I remember listening to that Paul Washer sermon, and I remember thinking, like, this dude is freaking nuts. Like, this dude. And his sermon was about husbands. When you come home, your job's not over. Like, you all, most men in America think I come home, now's my time to relax. Like, now's my time for my wife to cater to me and, you know, and deal with the kids. Like, I don't. I've been working all day. Now you want me to come home and deal with the household, like, the kids. Like, that's your job. And it was. It's. I think it took me almost being separated to realize, you know, like, no, when I come home, like, I don't. There is no. Sit down. There is, like, maybe sit down, take a breath, Ask the kids how their day went. Now it's your time to start cooking dinner. You know? Now it's your time to start doing homework. Now it's your time to start, like, making sure they're prepared. And again, I think once you embrace that. That mindset, you're good. But if you're constantly thinking, like, I don't have me time. Yeah, you're gonna. You're gonna have some struggles in life. Like, life is going to be a lot more difficult than. Than what you. What you're anticipating, because you're not anticipating the reality of you brought these motherfuckers into the world. And now. Now it's your turn to. To, you know, to kind of raise them up. I do want to say this. You thought of absence as the first thing. You know, what is an absent father. I thought of strippers, like, when I was like, oh, we're gonna have a conversation about people without father figures. [00:34:18] Speaker A: When I was looking into statistics and stuff. I wonder if I can find what I read. I'm just always thinking funny first, even if it's really, really inappropriate. I guess it's. It's just. You're dis. [00:34:38] Speaker B: If you. [00:34:39] Speaker A: If you have an absent father, you are disproportionately more likely. Females are disproportionately more likely to be sexually active at a younger age and experience teen Pregnancy. And I just thought, all right, so it's not all bad. [00:34:57] Speaker B: So it's what? [00:34:59] Speaker A: So it's not all bad. All right, so there are some benefits. Now, two things on what you, what you were saying. One that I can remember. I know there were two. Oh yeah, this is a quick one. So I'm, I'm more of a abundance mindset and not so much a scarcity mindset. I really like, try to go with the flow as much as I can because. [00:35:28] Speaker B: Explain that, explain that abundance mindset. What does that mean? [00:35:32] Speaker A: Well, I can only say I'll, I'll just tell you where I first heard the phrase was Joe Rogan. And Joe Rogan was just talking about comedian like older seasoned comedians who will like try to gatekeep and like they don't want new comedians, they don't want like George Lopez stars. Yeah, yeah. But like they don't want some 20 year old from who got funny on TikTok to just suddenly start selling out clubs because that's less ticket sales for the real comedians who write jokes and do all this stuff. And, and he, Zoe's just like, that's like a scarcity mindset. That's like the idea that there's not enough of this to go around that like there, there's going to be a limited number of standup comedians, there's going to be a limited number of people selling tickets. But I'm of an abundance mindset. I want anyone who can do this to, to do this and I want to show you the way and I want to help younger comedians in a way that no one ever helped me because that's how it was when I was coming up was, you know, all the older guys like George Carlin and stuff didn't want to give us a chance, you know, and so that's kind of where I first heard the term. And then I've kind of reappropriated it to, to all sorts of things. But one, one way I've tried to think about that is in my time because you know, I do have days at a time where I don't find time to do my own thing, to journal or read my Bible or whatever it is that I want to do in my alone time. But I find that the more I let go and just like try to make the most of the time I do have, that time does come. It just might not be at the time that I want it. It might not be maybe, you know, 30 minutes, maybe it's 15 instead. But I've just found that like by not, you know, believing that there's this, I guess, limitation on my time. It's all in how I'm using it. So, like, I find that if I just kind of let go and let it come to me, I will find the time to do the things that I want to do. [00:37:41] Speaker B: I think it's being mindful and looking for those, those opportunities. Because, like, right now, you know, today was a great example. This last month since we kind of had the last podcast. So it's been about two or three weeks. I've. I've literally been in a lot of books. I got this, this cool, cool ass tablet. I think you would dig this tablet. It's called Remarkable, but. [00:38:09] Speaker A: Oh yeah, yeah, that's cool. [00:38:11] Speaker B: But I started downloading some of these books and my current reading list, honestly, I'm referencing a lot of Genesis for, for Abraham's story because I'm reading through Romans, I'm reading through the book of Joshua with a co worker, I'm reading through the book of John with. I'm reading through the book of John with number four. And then that's just like a requirement for her. Like if you want to be on your tablet, well, then we have to read the Bible. And so reading through the book of John with her. I'm reading the Gospel Primer each morning and then I'm reading Living by the Book with my co worker as well. And then on my own, I'm reading the Strategy of Satan. So for me, it's just today being the great example of any downtime at work. I open up remarkable. I go through it, I'm reading it, and then today I get home and I'm like, I wasted. I think I sat for 45 minutes and watched Cops and I was like, man. [00:39:28] Speaker A: Is that why you're sweating? [00:39:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I was watching Cops. But I like, as I was watching it, I wasn't really into it because I just felt like I could be doing some reading. And so like, yeah, about a half hour in, I was like, you know what, why don't I grab my tablet and start reading, Reading, reading a chapter at least. You know, I feel like I'm just wasting time when I'm not reading. I did have a job interview on Monday, I think it was. Yeah, it was Monday. And it's funny because I didn't know how to, to word it till we just talked. But, you know, I was telling them that I love teaching in general, whether it's this or that. I talked about the podcast because they asked, you know, outside of Doing things with your kids. What do you like to do for yourself? I'm like, well, we have a podcast. Like, whoa, you have a podcast? I don't know what your podcast about. I'm like, it's about, you know, men's health and, you know, kind of describes your viewpoint. My viewpoint? How we just, you know, kind of come together and talk about topics that really are sometimes taboo, sometimes you're not really discussed. And I said, you know, I'm of the mindset. I don't care. I want to teach you everything I know so that way you can replace me and I can go. I could. I go on to. The next thing you know, I'm not that guy that's going to hoard my information and not share it. Like, I am all about share with me. And I want to glean from you. And then I want to move on and. And repeat. You know, I think I've always been like that. I never looked at it as an abundant life or a life of abundancy, you know, versus scarcity. What was your other thought, though? Because you said you had two. [00:41:07] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. So you talked about, like, coming home and thinking, like, okay, now the wife is gonna serve me and. And the kids, and I'm just gonna relax and I'm just gonna do my thing. So that got me thinking. We definitely need to be present with our wives the same way we are with our kids. Do you think it's even possible? And I'm just gonna cut you off and say, I don't think it's possible to be like an absent husband, but a present father. Because even if you are being an awesome father but neglecting your wife, you're not modeling what a good man is to your daughters in at least that aspect and probably others that you wouldn't be in control of. [00:41:57] Speaker B: In that aspect. Yes, I think. I think in that aspect, you're right. And when I say yes, I mean, like, I agree with you, but I think it's very common. I see a lot of marriages where there's a great dad, but then when you talk to the wife, there's like this disconnect between her and the husband. And I'm. I'm seeing that a lot with some of the. The females that take their kids to have play dates. Well, I could say one. One female that I have play dates with, but I think it's common inside the household. I think my. My marriage was a perfect example of that. I was a horrible husband, but I'm a great father, you know, and number Two holds that against me, like, well, you weren't really a great father because of how you treated mom. You know, from what she told me, you weren't a good husband. Although she says she's never seen it. She's like, I never knew that side of you until mom shared it. You know, thanks. Thanks. Big country. But. But she. [00:42:58] Speaker A: I was nailing it until you blew my cover. [00:43:03] Speaker B: But I. You know, I. I talking to one of the moms, she's like, you know, she's not really intimate with the father, but it works financially for both of them to stay together. You know, he's an active father. He's a great dad, but, like, they're not really into it. You know, they're just kind of, hey, you know, like, it helps to have someone split the bill with. You know, it helps have someone split rent with. And you're like, I get it. You know, I've been there. Like, when I was, you know, first divorced, I was like, just get someone to split the bills with. You know, Just, you know, and I'm still of that mindset. Like, if number three is like, hey, I'm moving out. Cool. I'm renting out your room, you know, and I'm holding. I'm holding interviews. You know what I mean? Like, there's a. There's an age limit. You know what I mean? Like, you can't be over 35. You got to be a female. You know, I'm like, you're going to think I'm hiring flight attendants. I of the 70s, you know what I mean. [00:44:06] Speaker A: Who got their weight restrictions, but I have not. [00:44:11] Speaker B: Yeah, there's a weight limit on the second floor, so you got to be at least 135 or under. No, it's. Yeah, that's kind of. That's kind of. I think that's. That. That is a common thing. Although I agree with you, I don't think that's a full aspect of a father. But, yeah, does that are. That comes the fine line. Do we separate father from man? You know, like, because I look at. [00:44:38] Speaker A: It like you want it to be holistic. [00:44:40] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. You'd want it to be holistic. But I think. [00:44:45] Speaker A: Can I just stop you and just tell you how convicted I am right now that we're even having this conversation? Because when I put my daughter to bed and came downstairs at my wife's friend's house, I immediately just, like, picked up my keys off the counter, and my wife was like, hey, you want to have a beer with me before you Go. You know, it's only 7:30. I was like, ooh, you know, I was putting the baby to sleep and I gotta go do a podcast. [00:45:15] Speaker B: So I was just clocking out. [00:45:19] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, maybe the night shift guy can handle that. [00:45:24] Speaker B: Your friend is your, your, your friend's here still, right? [00:45:30] Speaker A: You've got someone, right? Someone's floating around? No, they were gone. That's the whole reason she wanted me to stay. And I was like, ah, I gotta. [00:45:37] Speaker B: I gotta, I gotta date. I think that, but I think that my marriage was a perfect example of that. You know, Like, I, at the seven year mark was like, I'm staying in this for my kids. Like, I will not have a split home. You know, like from seven years on, it was like I was serving a sentence, you know. And yeah, there were times where I needed solitary and confinement for my actions, but, you know, but at the same time, like, you know, you know, I was a caged animal, you know, it wasn't, but it, you know, I still go through that. Like, you know, the other day we were talking and I just, I just reached out, I asked her if she had a piece of furniture that my grandparents left. And she was like, no. And I was like, I've been avoiding her. Like, we haven't really talked or anything like for the last month, last maybe couple months. You know, I just don't really want to engage with her. I don't care to hear about end times all the time. And so I was just like, hey. [00:46:35] Speaker A: She'S still on that still, dude. [00:46:37] Speaker B: Still to this day. And so I was like, hey, is there anything specifically I could pray for you about? I pray generally over you every morning, but I don't know specifics. And she was like, you know, she went on this tangent of like, you're not really a brother in Christ and this and that. You know, you never respected me as a sister in Christ. I've never viewed you like that. I'm like, whatever, dude. So I'm not gonna argue with her over it. I said, you know, it doesn't help though, when you want to make your little comments and you want to give your little facial expressions when I pick up number four. And she was just like, again, she doesn't take ownership. And I'm just like, like, that was my marriage the whole time. Like, you'd have to actually, your honor, I want to present some, some facts here. I want to, I want you to look at the evidence behind this in order for her to even say I'm sorry, but it was never Like I'm sorry because I've realized I did that. It was like, okay, I'm sorry, you caught me, you know, like, and then, you know, she would, she'd ride that horse out of. I say, I'm sorry, I just said it a couple minutes ago. And you're just like, yeah, because I fucking presented evidence for you to say it. You know what I mean? I had to get the suit on and everything, but I have. From what I'm seeing, children with involved fathers tend to have higher cognitive scores, better language and reasoning abilities, and they achieve more academically. And so again, there are outliers where there are women that are devoted and making sure of that, but analysis show that they have a significantly, significantly higher, stronger social emotional skills. And so, and I, you know, I look at it from a woman's view, raising daughters, but I think it's scarier for men that don't have father figures. I think it's waste. Like the, the research coming back for what happens to them is way more, I think to me detrimental to society. Well, I think they're both equally detrimental, you know, I mean you have one where you have like withdrawn women that don't know how to emotionally function around a man that are sexually active. So basically a society of whores. Then you have a society to me of like guys who are emotionally disconnected serial killers. [00:49:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:06] Speaker B: You know, I mean, that don't know healthy relationships and boundaries or you know, emotional expression and so forth. [00:49:17] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think so much of it for, for the guys without a model of a healthy law abiding, you know, stand up guy, their whole life just becomes about getting away with stuff and not breaking their mother's heart, you know, and, and like that kind of combination just ends up with like, yep, she's pregnant. So I don't know, I, I'll deal with that some other way, you know what I mean? Like, it just, it doesn't even enter their mind to, you know, to stand up in the way that their dad didn't, you know. [00:49:55] Speaker B: Yeah. And so I, I, I see the effects in my life, not so much the addiction part of it, because there is a higher addiction rate for men that don't have father figures. But as far as low self esteem and poor emotional regulation and difficulty with male identity development, for me, I, I think those were, were prevalent, I think is the right word in my life until I was like in my 40s, until I was like, hey. I, honestly from, from walking my life can see that. I, you know, I, I know my actions I know my faults. I can now recognize, you know, my identity. But it took me a long time, you know, like, it wasn't something I would wish on somebody else. Because not everybody is going to have the same mindset that I think you and I have where we do evaluate ourselves constantly. We do want to know why we tick the certain way we tick, but we look at, like, life in general like that. Why does that happen like that, you know, why. And so I don't think everybody has that same outcome. You know, some of them take the road of, you know, having, not having, but in living in their behavioral problems and being abusive, you know, and being more accustomed, if you will, to violence. So. Yeah. [00:51:31] Speaker A: Sorry, I'm just reading through some of my research here. [00:51:37] Speaker B: So while you're. Sorry, go ahead, you go. No, you first. [00:51:42] Speaker A: Well, just to kind of reinforce what you were saying. Four times more likely to be in poverty. Two times more likely to drop out of school, more likely to have behavioral problems. Exactly what you just said. More likely to go to prison or become teen parents. I. Yeah, I mean, I mean, we do have the highest incarceration rates in the country, so I won't say that that's squarely to blame on absent fathers, but it seems that Mexicans. [00:52:18] Speaker B: Then we got to have better immigration laws, according to Trump. [00:52:23] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, did you know 1% of our population's in prison? [00:52:29] Speaker B: I did not know that. And that seems like a very low number, though, to me. What, what are the other countries at? 0.5. [00:52:34] Speaker A: It's a high highest in the world. [00:52:37] Speaker B: Well, I mean, are we going per capita? Are we just going, like, by numbers? Are we like, hey, there's, let's just say a million people in America and 100,000. Or what would that be? 10,001%? [00:52:52] Speaker A: Yeah, 10,000. [00:52:53] Speaker B: 10,000 are in prison. But then when you look at Israel, which is a side of the size of Jersey, and you're like, hey, they only have 500,000, but they only have 200 people in prison. I mean, are we looking at per capita, like, per 1,000? Are we looking at, like. [00:53:09] Speaker A: No, I think it's just population wide, the whole country. [00:53:17] Speaker B: So we're looking at percentage of country. [00:53:20] Speaker A: Yeah, percentage of whole population. [00:53:22] Speaker B: Got it, got it, got it. I did find that women have more emotional psychological impact. They have a higher risk of depression and anxiety, greater emotional dysregulation when there's not a father figure. You're right. With their sexual behavior being really active. And then they also develop unhealthy relationship patterns, which is Kind of how that question sparked because I don't ask the younger women I date, how are you and your father? But like that woman I did, I was like, hey, so like you and your father, cool, you know, like, you know, like this. Usually women bring up the fact that I'm the age of their father. You know, like, you're my dad's age. This woman. [00:54:11] Speaker A: Nice. No, well, I mean, it makes total sense because they, they don't have a model for what's normal. So not only do they have this. Okay, I gotta be careful of how I word that. I was gonna, I was gonna say not only do they have this hole that they have to fill, but they, they don't have like a normal standard by which to judge anything. So it makes sense that they would just end up in, you know, a. Abusive relationships or you know, things that kind of carry on the same pattern of whatever their mom dealt with. But then they also have this intense need for that father figure that they try to fill in inappropriate ways, like with a romantic partner. [00:55:06] Speaker B: Yeah, they, they can also develop codependency where they're just, you know, they're not really. But you know, there's a lot that goes with that. It goes with their whole identity confusion, you know, like codependent that that kind of, kind of introduces or is connected to maybe not feeling confident with yourself. And so that goes with their identity, their value, their purpose. And I think that also stems from their self worth issues and body image issues that they might develop because there's a higher risk of that with, without father figures that women develop these, these body image and self worth issues, you know, and with that they develop over reliance on male, male attention. You know, I mean, like you've met those girls, they just need the male attention constantly. Like they have to. I say we see, I think we see a lot of that though, in society in general with the Tick tock like stuff, you know, like I see some of these girls on Tick Tock and I'm like, why do I want to sit here and watch you sing lip sync? Not even sing lip sync a song. What kind of attention are you not getting at home that you have to constantly turn to tick Tock for everything? Or Instagram, you know. [00:56:28] Speaker A: Yeah, my, my cousin, the only. In my extended family. The only family that didn't stay together there. Actually. No, I shouldn't say that. There were a lot of divorces, but not usually. It was like the first marriage didn't work and there were no kids. And then, you know, the second Marriage is the one where they had the kids. But in our generation, the only cousins whose parents didn't stay together. The younger girl's fine. She seems okay. But the older sister, it's like she took everything we're talking about here and, like, took it as a challenge. Like, I'm gonna have every single one of these issues. I'm gonna be promiscuous. I'm gonna have an eating disorder. I'm gonna, like. She just. Yeah. And, like, openly challenge accepted. Yeah. No, and it really was like. I mean, like, she. She had, like. She would post things on social media and stuff that would say, like, yeah, blame my dad or whatever for, you know, this bikini pick or whatever it is. And she. It was almost like she thought it was funny, you know, but. But that just goes to show, like, what a culture there is to broken homes. Because there's so many people that would, you know, there's like a meme already created that she can repost. [00:58:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:02] Speaker A: It's like a funny thing. You know what I mean? It's like, if there's a culture of broken homes. [00:58:07] Speaker B: Sounds like she needs. Is she cute? [00:58:11] Speaker A: No. [00:58:12] Speaker B: Oh, never mind. Thought she needed administered, too, but. Nah, I'm good. [00:58:18] Speaker A: You know what? She lives in Tempe. She's real close. [00:58:24] Speaker B: I've realized in males, there's. There's an accountability issue. Like, they. They don't really conform to authority, if you will, you know, and, like, when you hold them to it, you know, man, I feel shitty for saying this. A lot of certain, Certain. I'm just gonna say it. A lot of black dudes I engage with, they. [00:58:52] Speaker A: You know, of all the kids, you. If you were giving out sunscreen, you'd give it to them last. [00:59:00] Speaker B: But I noticed this with, like, because, you know, growing up, I had a lot of black friends with fatherless homes. And, like, when you would catch them in something, there was always an excuse or a reason to why they were doing what they're. Instead of just saying, like, I up shouldn't done that. It was always like, well, what I was trying to do. And, you know, it was even what I was trying to do was, well, what really happened? And then, like, after you gather all the information. That was one thing my dad did give me was a good sense of there's always more than one story. But when you gather the information, they're always like. It's always like, that's not what he said. And he's the only, you know, outlier in a negative, if you will. That's saying Something different from the rest of the parties, you know? And so, like, I'm dealing with that at work. You know, there's this. This guy there that is like, oh, we, you know, we're, we're taking this over and this is how we found out about it. So then I go to his co workers and I go to the, the subcontractor and I'm talking to them about it, and they're like, no, that's not how it came about. That's not how it came about at all. You know, And I'm like, this guy, dude, why can't you. I just, I don't have a lot of respect for men that can't take accountability, but I'm starting to see it in a new light of maybe they just need a hug. It's, you know, maybe, hey, it's not your fault. You know, it's not your fault, bro. Except from Big Daddy where he goes. [01:00:24] Speaker A: Not you, not you too. [01:00:28] Speaker B: But what was that an Adam Sandler movie where he went around told men, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. [01:00:34] Speaker A: I just, I think that's goodwill hunting. [01:00:38] Speaker B: No, man, it was the absence. Like, he went to like. [01:00:40] Speaker A: But I think he's making fun of Good Will Hunting, I think. Ah. [01:00:44] Speaker B: Oh, that makes sense. Dude, now that movie just got funnier. Now I have to find it. But yeah, I, I just, I didn't realize. I think I've always known the importance of a father figure and the importance of it, but didn't realize the impact that it has on a society. [01:01:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:01:07] Speaker B: A lot of my best times were with. We're in establishments where all the employees were pretty much fatherless. A lot of good work, meetings and relaxation that happened at these establishments of. [01:01:25] Speaker A: Relax. [01:01:29] Speaker B: You know, unwind, have a, have a drink, be entertained, you know, hold a conversation with, with someone that's sitting there completely nude. [01:01:38] Speaker A: Yeah, Yeah. I mean, I'd love to see statistics on that. There's. There's no way that most. What's. What's the politically correct term now? I think sex worker is kind of the all encompassing term for strippers and, and all that stuff. [01:01:56] Speaker B: No, it's like your cousin, though. I think some of them accept the challenge. Yeah. You know, they have a father in the home. They're just like, you know, I'm gonna go do this because of. In spite of. But again, it goes back to what you were saying before. Maybe he's a great father, but a horrible husband. Maybe he's a, maybe he's a dad in the home. But emotionally, spiritually, you know, absent. You know, maybe he's not there for that aspect of it. And that's despite. I mean, there's so many elements that kind of take place. There's so many elements on both sides for fathers and mothers. I think we should actually, maybe next week, address motherless homes. [01:02:38] Speaker A: Perfect. Let's. Let's rip these ladies down. These. Damn. [01:02:44] Speaker B: Because I'm kind of curious. I'm not gonna lie. Like, as I was doing this, I was like, as I'm looking into this, I'm like, what is. What. What are. What are the statistics for a motherless home? You know? [01:02:55] Speaker A: Yeah. I think it's just so much more rare. [01:02:59] Speaker B: Yeah, it is, because they're stuck with that thing that came out of them, you know, like, dads are gone. Dads are gone before that thing even pops out. You know, they're like, hey, I think I'm click. You know what I mean? [01:03:15] Speaker A: There's this great American dad episode where they were like, it's not Jeff's fault that he's like this, okay? His mother ran out on him before he was even born. They're like, how. How could she do that? [01:03:30] Speaker B: Now, I'm not gonna lie. My nephew. My nephew was maybe. Maybe three months old when. When his mom booked it. I mean, she was really. [01:03:42] Speaker A: So you have an example close to you. [01:03:46] Speaker B: Yeah. He's the young man that we ended up taking into our household that committed suicide a couple months. About eight months after we took him in. [01:03:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Come to think of it, my best friend growing up, she lived with her dad in. In our neighborhood, and her mom lived up in Fresno. And she would only go visit her, like, four weeks over the summer and maybe like a week at Christmas. And that was all she ever saw of her mom. [01:04:17] Speaker B: I think that is so weird. Although I lived it as a young man, I do have a play date with. With number four's friend. And her mom is like, lives out here. Dad lives in San Diego, only takes the kids for the summer. And our summers out here are short. Like, kids get out in, I think, March. They go back tomorrow, you know, July and so. And so. Yeah, I think. [01:04:48] Speaker A: Do they do that because of the weather? [01:04:51] Speaker B: No, they do it. It's. It's more. I. I personally like it. It's more. I think it prepares the kids for, like, hey, as an adult, there's no summers, you know, I mean, like, you work year round. You know what I mean? But they do it. They. I think they do for a couple reasons. Teachers salaries, you're not off as long. They give kids like spring break, winter break, fall break now, and they get two weeks for each. And so there's that aspect. But I also think they do it. I think it's just, I think it's. Personally, I think it's an easier schedule, but they call it like a year round school. But they do get like three two week breaks within, within the year for each season. [01:05:40] Speaker A: Wait, so she gets off in March and then goes back in July. That's like four months. [01:05:47] Speaker B: June, July, March, April, May. Oh yeah, I went March, June, July. No, she gets, she gets out, she gets out in May. She gets out in May. Oh, okay. [01:05:58] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. [01:05:59] Speaker B: So last day. [01:06:00] Speaker A: Yeah, he told me she was going back tomorrow. I was like, it's mid July, that's crazy. Like I used to think the kids who used to go back on like August 10th had to go back so early, you know? [01:06:13] Speaker B: Yeah, we started school in September. [01:06:15] Speaker A: I thought, yeah, like fall. [01:06:18] Speaker B: Yeah, I thought growing up like, oh, it's September, you get out like the end of May, early June, you go back, you. I remember having three months off, but. [01:06:27] Speaker A: Usually this is only right after Labor Day, so like the first Tuesday of September probably. [01:06:33] Speaker B: Yeah, they go back now. They only get six weeks off in the summer now. [01:06:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Must. It must just be because so many parents are both working now, they just can't have the kids out all summer. [01:06:47] Speaker B: It is difficult. Dude, I'm not gonna lie. Like, like I only get her half that time, so for three weeks. But like, I gotta take her to work with me or I gotta find a sitter. And sitters aren't cheap, you know, they're like, oh, yeah, you know, give me a thousand a month. And you're like, a thousand a month? Really? A thousand? How about this? I give you 100 a week, you know what I mean? And I'll buy your snacks, you know what I mean? [01:07:09] Speaker A: Like, how about you do the dishes too? How about you wear something nice? Yeah, yeah. [01:07:16] Speaker B: I laid out a nice little piece on the bed. Just put it on when I get home, you know. [01:07:20] Speaker A: But like that, that goes to show you even more the economic like situation is that like, yeah, babysitters have to make a living wage too. That's why they're so expensive now. It used to just be like a side hustle and now it's got to be a full blown. [01:07:33] Speaker B: Well, that's why I try and find 500 rent. I try and find like moms who stay home with their kids, you know, like, oh, you're A stay at home mom. Cool. You want to make a little extra money, you know, you got five kids, what's one more? You know? And then when. [01:07:48] Speaker A: That wasn't the pitch, was it? [01:07:50] Speaker B: No. [01:07:51] Speaker A: You got five kids. What? Hey, let me in, let me in. Don't close the door. [01:08:07] Speaker B: Yeah, so that's kind of the route I take. I try and just find single moms that, you know. But also there's so much that goes into it, man. Like, I found a single mom last year that I was gonna have kind of like watch number four and then come to find out she, you know, she made this joke and I don't think she realized she made the joke in front of me after we'd already agreed to this. And she was like, yeah, I had to pick up my little man from school one day and oh my gosh, I was so tore back. And I was like, yeah, you just lost your, you know, throw that application out the door. You know, like, she was intoxicated. She was high or intoxicated and couldn't, like, had to make it to a school and back. And I'm like, I don't care if his school's right across street. Like, nah, man. Like, you are now not watching my daughter. You know, like, damn, dude, that, that's. [01:08:57] Speaker A: Why it pays to know all the slang. [01:09:01] Speaker B: That's why. [01:09:05] Speaker A: I would have heard that and been like, oh, man, that sucks. That means you were stressed, right? [01:09:11] Speaker B: She gets out at 2:30. First of all, why you, why you tore back at 2:30? You know what I mean? Why you tore back at 3:00pm? [01:09:22] Speaker A: Yeah, man, now I haven't heard that one tore back. All right, all right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna file that one away and drop it on these 12 year olds that my wife is staying with right now. They've been saying crash out. I just learned crash out. [01:09:41] Speaker B: What's crash out? [01:09:42] Speaker A: Me, I, I, I only know it from the context that they've given me, which is whenever my daughter is throwing a tantrum, they just go, ah, crash out. And then as soon as they started saying it, it started popping up in my Instagram reels. [01:09:59] Speaker B: So I, I always heard crash out is like going to sleep, you know, like, you're done with your day. Like, he crashed out. No. Yeah. [01:10:05] Speaker A: Now I think it's like making a scene. I think the real I saw was like, uncle crash out. And he's like throwing beer bottles. [01:10:16] Speaker B: Man, I'm so glad Instagram and Tick Tock weren't around while I was growing up. Or why I had my crash outs. [01:10:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:25] Speaker B: You know, like I tore up a hotel room in Austin with beer bottles. Like it was a crash out. Like I just got saved. I was maybe a two month old Christian. And I go to Austin for Buddy's vocational graduation and something he doesn't even use. And so, not that I can really throw that at him because I don't use my graphic design degree. Really. And so we go out there, but mine was graphic design. He was just pinstriping jets. [01:11:02] Speaker A: Very niche. [01:11:04] Speaker B: Yeah. And so, so I go out there and you know, I get in the. It was me, my cousin, and we're going to nickname my cousin Buddha and my brother in law who we're going to nickname O.C. punk Rock. And it was me, Buddha. O.C. punk Rock. My sister and Buddy will nickname her husband Buddy. And. And we go out there. [01:11:30] Speaker A: Creative nickname. [01:11:34] Speaker B: So we go out there and, you know, my, my aunt just passed away maybe a year before. And so my cousin Buddha is just like, you know, he's bent out of shape and he's, you know, upset. And he all of a sudden like, he, you know, I bring up the, the God thing and he's like, f your God. You know, he took my mom. And you know, I'm sitting there like, well, you know, f your mom, you know, like, how do you like it? You know, you talk about my father, I'll talk about your mother. And so that didn't go over well. And so we end up partying. That weekend we're in Austin and I get so drunk, I get like, nobody can drive. And I'm like, I got this, like, I drive all the time drunk. Like, we're good. So we start driving. I got my sister's truck, and it's one of those trucks where like, you gotta open the driver door to get the back door open, you know, and she's like, gone, gone. And I'm like, oh, just leave the back door open. I'll pull. I'll hold the driver door closed. You leave the back door open and let her head hang out, you know, like, let her get some air. And. Yeah, and I forget the doors open. And right before I sideswipe a car, they pull her head up and I take out her whole door. And then like the, the lady's like. The lady gets out the car and she's like, dude, did you just hit? And I'm like, yeah, let's just pull over up here and. And we'll exchange information. And she's like, okay, sounds good. Well, I'm like, Okay, I gotta book a right, a left, a right, a left. Like I gotta go. So that's what I do. I just, I, I, I make the turn. Like I'm about to like follow her and then I just make a quick left, I make another right, I make another left. I'm just cutting down streets. So we get to this hotel and. Yeah, you know what? O.C. punk rock. Yeah, okay. Yeah. So we get to this hotel and me and OC Punk Rock are gonna go to the, the bar next door. And so it's like, I don't know, it's like midnight in Texas, so. Or no. Yeah, it's midnight in Texas. It's like 10, 11pm in California. And my wife at the time is pregnant. And so my sister in California, drama. She's calling O.C. punk Rock. It's her husband and so she's calling him and she's like, hey, like, where are you guys? And you know, he's not really answering because he doesn't want to hear from her. So she decides she's gonna call my sleeping wife who's pregnant, wake her up and tell her she can't find us and make this big ordeal about it. So she's with us. Actually, she's with us. This is, this is the whole, this is the whole crash out. She's with us, she's at the hotel, we're next door, she can't find us. So she calls my wife, she's like, have you heard from your husband? Like, they went to a bar, we can't find them, yada, yada, yada. And so like, my wife calls me, I'm like, hey, what's going on? She's like, dude, are you cool? Like, your sister's calling me this and that. So I have two sisters out there. So I go back to the hotel, like, you're gonna call my wife at 10pm While she's sleeping and she's pregnant? You're gonna create an ordeal. I'm drunk and we got probably a good 24 pack of beer bottles sitting in this hotel room. So I just start grabbing them and start chucking them at her. Like I'm just like full fledged throwing them at her. I'm missing every time. Like, I don't know how my arm was so bad that night, but I'm putting holes in these walls. Like, I'm just chucking them, dude. And then Buddha, Buddha's probably 6 foot at least and probably weighs a good 3, 3, 300 plus. And so, like, you know, he's like, calm Down. I'm throwing beer bottles everywhere. Bathroom, bedroom, everywhere. So he takes me outside, and I'm like, you do like, let's go. Do, like, let's. I'm. I'm ready. Dude grabs me, wraps me up, sits on me until the cops come. Just. Just sits on me, dude. I can't do nothing, dude. I can't even get out. Cops come. I'm in my whole cowboy outfit. I got, like, my brown. Got my brown sports coat on. I got cowboy boots with spurs on them. I got my jeans, you know. [01:15:44] Speaker A: Yeah, Cowboy hat. [01:15:46] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, big cowboy hat. They take me to jail, dude. They lock me up for the night. I get out the next day. [01:15:53] Speaker A: You've got those. Those fringes. [01:15:57] Speaker B: No, I look like. I don't know. This is a reference I didn't even know. But walking around town, everybody was like, oh, you look like JR From Dallas, whoever that is. Okay. But the dude. Dude must look good. So I took it as a compliment. So I was like. [01:16:14] Speaker A: There'S no way. He looked like a giant dork. [01:16:20] Speaker B: So I go to jail for the night. I get out the next day, and I'm walking down the road, and I call one of my sisters, and I'm like, hey. Like, I'm getting out. So they pick me up because we have to basically pick me up from jail, go straight to the airport, like, we got to fly back home. I get in the car, nobody's talking to me. Everybody scoots away from me. I don't realize the stench I smell. Like, I don't realize this at all. And so I get on the plane, people next to me are pretty upset again, I don't know why. We get home, and they're like, dude, you smell rancid. Like, I don't know what happened, but you smell like shit. And I'm like, oh, that makes sense why everybody on the plane was very unhappy with me, you know, like, here's this homeless cowboy getting on the plane. Smells like garbage. Dude. Dude, it was. It was. It was a trip that I would never want to relive. For sure. For sure. [01:17:16] Speaker A: Yeah. So you never found out what the smell was? It was just the. The general stink of the jail. [01:17:24] Speaker B: I. I don't know if it was general stink of the jail or the general stink of me sweating throughout the day in these cowboy clothes and then, you know, spend the night in the same clothes. I mean, I probably wore those clothes for a good day and a half, you know, before. Yeah, it was. It was pretty bad, I guess. But the hit and run Was. Was not cool. For sure. For sure. [01:17:45] Speaker A: No. Yeah. I think beheading your sister would have been worse. [01:17:49] Speaker B: But, dude, could you imagine? Do I think about that? Imagine the time I would have served drunk driving, sister's head smashed between two cars. [01:18:01] Speaker A: Yeah. It's crazy that you didn't mention your sister at all in that. Can you imagine what I would have went through had I killed this? [01:18:16] Speaker B: Imagine the life I would have lived. [01:18:18] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [01:18:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Not to mention losing a sister. For sure. For sure. [01:18:26] Speaker A: You know, whatever. You'd have gotten over that in 18 months. Probably. [01:18:31] Speaker B: I got two more, you know. Yeah. So, you know, if there's anything you learn from tonight, guys, it's. It's important to have a dad figure in the household, so. [01:18:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:18:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:18:47] Speaker A: Or you might end up as a homeless cowboy in Dallas. [01:18:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Or a stripper in front of the homeless cowboy in Dallas. [01:18:56] Speaker A: Yep. [01:18:58] Speaker B: There's two roads you could take here. So I want to ask you something, kind of circling back on where, what we were talking about tonight. How do you view your relationship with your dad? Because I don't know, you could bleep this out or cut this out, but I know in the past he's had substance abuse. How do you, how, how do you think it shaped you as a man growing up? [01:19:24] Speaker A: I don't know. I've. I've given that some thought and I don't know if I really considered it my business. You know, I kind of just kept to myself. I didn't, I didn't suffer any, you know, real unpleasant experiences like my sister did. So I don't, I don't know, you know, how that's, that's really affected me. But, you know, I'd say now great or good. [01:20:02] Speaker B: I don't know. [01:20:03] Speaker A: I don't know about great. But, you know, it's. It's all about my daughter now. So it's. It's a little bit easier to coexist because it's just, you know, we're all about her and spending time with her, which is good. I think that's good. [01:20:21] Speaker B: That's awesome. My dad doesn't really take that view. My dad's still kind of self consumed with what he wants. He did have substance abuse, my dad. He's had it through all my life. I think if he would have stopped at a younger age, I wouldn't have had. I maybe would have taken a different route in a negative way. But being that I saw it active in my teens, I was very much so. Of. I'm going to be a Better man than you. Like, like, I won't allow something to dictate my, my conduct the way this has dictated your conduct. I also. What? Were you gonna say something? Oh, I also took that view though, with relationships, but ended up falling into that myself. With relationships with the way he conducted themselves. Not to the degree, not to the degree at all. Hated everything about it. But like, I think a lot of his though was. I don't think he ever really evaluated where he was and wanted to be better and took that road and stuck with it. I think there were times where he took the road and was like, this is boring and got off the road. But like, for me it was like I didn't want to relive his mistakes and wanted to change them. So for me it was like, you know, I had, I had. I don't think he ever, I don't know though. I don't know if he ever competed with his father. Like, I want to be better than you, you know, which I hope my kids are better than me, you know, I think he kind of looked at it like, I think you got two kind of people, man. Like, what can I. This is going to sound so jfk. What can I do for the world or for those around me or what can the world do for me? And I think my dad's on the route of what can the world do for me? I got one life I want to live. He's still kind of on that, you know, like, I got one life, I want to, I want to travel the rest of my life instead of like being present in his kids lives and maybe seeing how he could assist them, benefit them and it doesn't even have to be. That sounds so financial. But even just wisdom wise, you know, how can I, you know, or memory making wise, you know, he's more or less on the, on the thing of like, well, you know, I'm gonna, I only got so many years left. I'm gonna enjoy them, you know, I'm gonna party. And it's like you've partied your whole life, dude. Like, when, when does that train end, you know? [01:22:50] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that you say that, I, I'd say much less than the substance abuse issues. It'd be a lot more like the self involvement and like the kind of mentally chaotic way that he was, that, that would have been a bigger issue. [01:23:17] Speaker B: I, I'm glad you went there because I wasn't sure if I wanted to bring that up with you. Your dad's a little, a little off the rocker sometimes. [01:23:29] Speaker A: Yeah, and, like, you know, I gotta keep my voice low, but I, like, I remember these, like, depressing. [01:23:37] Speaker B: Real low. Go on. [01:23:39] Speaker A: Yeah. These walls are thin, man. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. [01:23:44] Speaker B: But there was a time when. [01:23:49] Speaker A: So what I was gonna say. Hey, you're gonna. [01:23:55] Speaker B: Oh, nothing, dad. I'm just grounded. I'm. [01:24:02] Speaker A: Just brushing my teeth. [01:24:05] Speaker B: Is that a power tool here? [01:24:08] Speaker A: No, no, I was just brushing my teeth. That is not your toothbrush. Okay. I was done anyways. Is that a drill? Do I hear a drill? No, but. [01:24:22] Speaker B: All right, so. I'm sorry, what were you gonna say? What were you. [01:24:28] Speaker A: It was, you know, and. And it probably coincided with some usage so that the. You know, I just probably wasn't aware of it younger. But, you know, I remember these, like, depressive mental episodes where, like, he couldn't shower because he was too claustrophobic to be in the shower and stuff. You know what I mean? Like, I just remember, like, these, you know, weeks long episodes he would have. And I think that was probably, like, more of the. The kind of stuff that I saw that was like, yeah, I'm not. I don't want to be like, you know, I'm good. [01:25:09] Speaker B: All right, so let me ask you one more question. Kind of on that same route. You're. You're. You're Your dad. Your dad doesn't seem like the emotional type. So how do you think, like, and what I mean by that is, like, healthy emotional type? Like, he is very emotional. He's very emotional. [01:25:30] Speaker A: Like, you know, thank you for clarifying. [01:25:35] Speaker B: But how do you think that's had an effect on you as a. As a man now as a father in your life? Like, as far as emotional regulation, healthy emotional expression. [01:25:51] Speaker A: All I can say is that it's helped me recognize it a lot easier and realize that I'm falling into those same patterns and giving me the opportunity to stop that and change my habits. [01:26:08] Speaker B: Okay, what was that, like, the fourth or fifth punch into the box? [01:26:17] Speaker A: Hey, by the way, does your. Is your foot still hurt for when you kick that hole in the wall? Yeah, it's. Yeah, those. Those episodes. I mean, until the episode is over, I'm powerless to stop it. But once I. I realize that I'm able to set myself up for success down the road by having a healthier mindset, going into situations so that those things don't occur, you know, and sometimes that requires just being more on the ball and being smarter and not taking the Honda to pick up boxes when you need the truck, you know? What? [01:27:03] Speaker B: I mean, it's funny. I was reading the. The strategy of Satan tonight, and he has a line in there that I remember reading when I read this the first time, and it was as the mind is so you shall behave. And he was like, it's the same as, like, you are what you eat. He was like, it's the same. Same concept. Like, what you feed your mind is how you will behave. And it was just one of those things where I'm like, wow, dude, I haven't heard that. Like, that's a great reminder, you know, and. Yeah, kind of. And this is also why I wanted to go back and retouch on porn addiction. Porn addiction, so prevalent in the men's group that. That we. That I have on Tuesday nights where, like, when we. We go through and, like, hey, what do you need prayer for? You know, how's your week been? It's so common to hear, like, well, I, you know, I end up watching, you know, porn this week or, you know, struggling with porn a lot. I know, like, when I give in to that urge, because there's definitely a health, unhealthy connection. If you guys haven't listened to the porn addiction one, like, that's. That's a great episode to listen to. But I've realized in my. In. In my daily life, like, when I do give in to those temptations of porn, I objectify. The next couple days are. The. Are harder than the struggle I was having with porn, apparently, because I gave into it. But the next couple days, like, I'm objectifying women. I'm looking at them in different ways. My mind is just like. It's. It's. It's. It's really weird because, like, the next morning, I'll wake up with a semi, and I'm like, well, this isn't common. I don't commonly wake up with a semi. I commonly wake up with, like, okay, this is the time I have to get ready for work. Can I have breakfast? Can I do this? I got to do this. Okay. Where, like, when I wake up after a night of giving in to that temptation, I wake up and I'm like, just. Just still there, you know, where, like, the battle's still in my mind. The battle still, like, hey, well, you could probably rub one out before you go to work, you know? And it's like, no, no, no, I don't. I don't want to start my day off like that. You know, I. I ended my day like that yesterday, which I'm not happy about already. I don't want to start my day off like that, but it's the, the struggle's a lot harder. And so going, circling back around to what you're feeding your mind. If you're, if you're not struggling with porn and you're watching it constantly, you have to understand what you're feeding your mind. You know, like it's, it's just, it's just a weird dynamic, if you will. [01:29:53] Speaker A: Yeah. And, and I can tell that, like trying to affect my mindset and like set the tone for the day and, you know, just do healthy things. Like just when I leave the house, it's like, hey, you know, someone's probably going to cut you off. Someone's probably going to drive like an, you're going to go the speed limit, you're not going to get aggressive with anyone because you're just going to have a, an easy going day. You know, even just saying that to myself helps. And I know it's working because my wife has been doing this thing that I've noticed where she'll go like, hey, so I need to take a shower and I need to do X, Y and Z. Is there any way that after you give the baby her bath, you could give her her bottle and read her books and stuff? And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, why would that be a problem? And then like this look of relief just goes over my wife's face and I'm sure there. Although I can't think of any, I'll give myself a little credit. I can't think of any example, but I'm sure there have been times where like I was gonna give her a bath and then I was gonna be done until bedtime, So I had 15 minutes to do X, Y and Z. And then, you know, she asks me to, to fill that time with other things and I go, all right, fine, I'll do it. I didn't need to do X, Y and Z anyway. Yeah. [01:31:26] Speaker B: Thanks, dad. [01:31:26] Speaker A: Happen. [01:31:36] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, no, I, I, I, I can relate to those, those times for sure. Maybe not with the baby, but in other instances where they ask you to do something, you're like, yeah, I, you know, even the sarcastic, passive stuff. Yeah, I didn't, I, I didn't really have anything planned for myself. Yeah, sure, yeah, you know, like, yeah, I'll cook dinner, take out the trash. [01:31:58] Speaker A: Yeah. But it just goes back to like holding your time a little more loosely in your hand and not, you know, not trying to like, block out your whole day with a lot of expectations because you're Just gonna be disappointed if you do that. Unless there's like a time where you know that you can do a certain thing. But, you know, if, if I'm with my daughter, I'm not planning other things in my head because I just know things probably aren't going to go to plan. And, you know, just those mindset tricks have helped me a lot to just not be a psychopath, so. [01:32:33] Speaker B: And honestly, circling back around to the parenting one or like the mindset of being a parent one, I don't know which one that was. But, you know, your kids really don't give a about what your agenda or what your hobbies are. They have their hobbies, they have what they like to do, and that's what's important to them. And so, like, when you get the mindset of kind of what you were saying, when I'm with my kid, I don't really have expectations. When you get in that mindset of like, well, you know, she likes to watch. Every time I ask number four to watch a movie with me, okay, I sit down and I'm like, hey, let's watch a movie I'll go through. And like, even when she's not with me, I try and save, like, family movies. And I'm like, oh, this would be cool to watch with her. So then I'm like, hey, you want to sit down, watch a movie? She'd be like, or you want to sit down and watch something with me? She's like, yeah, sure. Turn on crew. I want to watch crew on YouTube. And I'm like, they're five Asian kids that just play video games. Yeah, they're entertaining at times, but like, it's like, they're like hour long videos of them playing the same game. And I'm just like, I don't want to watch this. It's gonna put me to sleep. But when I have the mindset and I get disappointed at times because I have the mindset, we're gonna watch a wholesome family movie and. No, we're gonna watch something that helps you navigate through, you know, five nights at Freddy's, you know, and it's like, you know, so it's, it's. And then I come to find out I, I picked the video and it's. It's already ended. And I'm like, have you seen this one before? Yeah, but I like it. And I'm like, oh, my God. You know. [01:34:19] Speaker A: Dude. [01:34:19] Speaker B: But when you, when you have the, the mindset of. I'm just making a memory with her, I'm Just spending time with her, that's the most important thing. More important than what we're watching, if you will. As long as it's not, you know, something way off. But, you know, if it's something that she enjoys and you have that mindset, I'm just gonna do this with her because she. She enjoys it. It's a totally different take on your day. It's a totally different outcome, if you will. [01:34:43] Speaker A: Yeah, Yep, absolutely. But I think all of this ties back into being self evaluating, thinking about things that didn't go well and how they can go better in the future and just like doing that work of, like, analyzing yourself. And that's kind of the lynchpin to everything else working. If you, if you just aren't the kind of person that does that. I don't know how much of this is helpful to you, you know? [01:35:17] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, for sure. And. And that's. Honestly, that's. Well, I think that's the whole basis of, of the podcast is like, yeah, self evaluating and wanting to be better. Like, if you don't want to be a better man in general, this is probably not your podcast. You know, if you just want to laugh, yeah, this might be your podcast. But if you, you know, aren't really in it. What? Thought you were going to say something. No. Oh, no, no, no. [01:35:45] Speaker A: I was just shrugging like, yeah, we're pretty funny. [01:35:50] Speaker B: So I think just in general, like, wanting to be better, evaluating, be better for everyone around us and not just the people around us, but for ourselves, you know, to be healthier. Mindset. I think it's important. I mean, honestly, I wouldn't have learned. I mean, I knew this stuff about porn addiction, but to have a refresher course, it's kind of like I tell the guys like this in the Tuesday group. One of them went through this course and he's like, I forget the name of the course, but it was about kind of like sexual purity. He was like, man, like, when I went through it the first time, it impacted me. And I'm like, for sure, it's kind of like graphic design. It's like Flash. I didn't use Flash for years, therefore I forgot how to use it. You know, Like, I don't. You know, Graphic design. Yeah, I know the basics to what I learned, but I haven't used it in years where I would have to start researching stuff again to get the same results that I used to know how to do. And I told him, I said, there's nothing wrong with you going through it again. It's a refresher course. You know, it's like, you know, same with that porn addiction. I forgot the stuff from Sexual Purity because It was, like, 10 years ago. I knew some of the basics, but, like, to go through it again and then dive deeper into the research, you're like, wow, like, this is kind of crazy. I wouldn't have known stuff about fatherless homes if it wasn't for this podcast making me research to have some content, you know? And so, like, it is something, but I enjoy it as well because I want to be a better man every day, you know, I'm not competing with my father anymore as much as I'm competing with the yesterday. The me of yesterday, you know? So, yeah, that's where I'm at. [01:37:40] Speaker A: Yeah, man. I think. I think that's a good note to close on. [01:37:47] Speaker B: It is a good note. Some thoughts. Motherless Homes. [01:37:52] Speaker A: Yes. [01:37:53] Speaker B: Porn addiction, part two. And therapy. [01:37:59] Speaker A: Therapy didn't find much use in it, but I'm seeing it right now. [01:38:07] Speaker B: I see it being a lot more common today and a lot more accepted. [01:38:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:38:12] Speaker B: Like, I see, like, there's a lot of guys that I engage with that are like, oh, yeah, I started to see that they're not even guys, but women as well that are like, I started seeing a therapist, and it's kind of changed my outlook and my view on life, and. And it's like, you know, I think that became more acceptable after Covid, you know, like, everybody being kind of locked up and needing someone to talk to. But, yes, I kind of was in the same boat for a long time. Don't see a point in it. You know, you're asking me, how does that make me feel? Which me. And number one's mom went to therapy, and that was the question she asked, like, gavin, how does that. How does that make you feel? And I was. I just laughed. I was like, this is so out of a movie. Like, we're paying you to ask me how that made me feel. I could ask myself that. [01:39:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:39:02] Speaker B: So. But I. In recent years, I've had success with it, for sure. [01:39:09] Speaker A: Yeah. I. I feel like on an older episode, I was telling the story of why I. I found it ridiculous. And then I thought we talked about it before, too. Yeah. I don't think I ever finished the story, but. [01:39:24] Speaker B: Well, don't ruin it now. You're gonna take away the whole episode. [01:39:27] Speaker A: I'm not gonna ruin it now, but I. I will start by saying that the end of my first session, the. The guy said, well, I don't know, you seem like a great guy to me. I was just like, okay, you're in the head. If I. If I tricked you that easily, there is no way you're gonna help me at all. [01:39:51] Speaker B: I've had my. My sessions of trickery as well, man. [01:39:54] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so you want to do some mothers, and then we'll do. We'll do therapy. [01:40:02] Speaker B: Sounds good, brother. All right, guys. [01:40:04] Speaker A: All right, man. [01:40:06] Speaker B: Have a good night, brother. Love you, man. [01:40:07] Speaker A: Pseudonyms. Later, man.