044: Fuck It

[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're outside tonight, huh? [00:00:03] Speaker B: Yeah, the. The traffic might be a little bit of a problem, but I can mute my mic if a truck drives by or something. [00:00:11] Speaker A: I heard a little bit of it already. Yeah. [00:00:15] Speaker B: It's gonna bother you, but I'll keep it off the recording. [00:00:19] Speaker A: It doesn't bother me. My man. All right, man. How you been? [00:00:28] Speaker B: Good, man. Just. Just busy. Just, like. Even though I'm only working part time, now that my wife is working part time, I'm just either working or taking care of the kid, so I just feel like I'm always working. [00:00:51] Speaker A: Mm. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. [00:00:57] Speaker B: How about you? What's going on? [00:01:00] Speaker A: Not much, man. It's been cool, dude. You know, I was right. I'm writing that book. I send it to an editor. [00:01:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:06] Speaker A: To give me, like, some insight. Somebody actually published a. Like, an author, you know, and he gave me some good feedback. He said, you know, I gotta establish myself, you know, Like, I'm not Jocko, Will. Nick's or whatever. Will. Initially, he's like, you're not willing. Yeah, well, Nick, he's like, you're not Elon Musk. You're not Tony Robbins. So, you know, those people speak and people listen because of their. They're established. And he's like, so you have to establish yourself in the intro. And why this? Why. What you're about to present to us has worked for you. And so I was like, okay. So I spent the last two days rewriting the intro and the preface. Now I'm going to rewrite chapter one and two. Man, it's been. It's been really good. I talked to. Remember when I worked for that debt consolidation company? [00:02:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:05] Speaker A: Well, one of the guys reached out on LinkedIn, and I reached. I called or he called me, and we started talking a little bit and what his vision is. And he was like, you know, we all kind of, like, left and did our own thing, start our own companies. He's like. And then we ended up coming back together and starting a construction company. And he's like, man, I feel like, you know, we're gonna do some work together. And he's like, on the side, we're doing this thing where we're teaming up with, like, fatherless boys and, like, teaching them, like, trades and, you know, how to deal with their daddy issues and xyz. And I'm like, dude, that's right up your alley. Yeah. I'm like, dude, you're kidding me, bro. That's exactly what. What I'm doing right now, dude. And he was like, yeah, you know, we're. You know, you can rebuild your neurons. I was like, dude, yeah, the ones that wire. Fire together. Wire together, dude. I was like, that's in my, like, first chapter. And so, you know, it's cool. We start talking. And then Miami and I went to Bible study group. Like, a group. A church group thing. You know, we're in a. A small group, and one of the guys in there, like, you know, I just started. They. They were like, go around, introduce yourself and what are your hobbies, passions? And so I just mentioned. I didn't mention the book, but I mentioned, like, yeah, I'm, you know, like, I got a passion for, like, young men, and I'm working on a couple projects to, like, assist young men and being men. And. And, like, the guy right after me was like, that's exactly where my heart is. He's like, my heart is just the same thing. Like, you know, we have foster kids, and so we started sharing about foster kids afterwards. And, like, you know, the fact that, you know, that's when I shared with him I was writing a book. You know, I'm like, yeah, I'm actually writing a book to try and, like, reach out to young men and, like, you know, like, help them. And so it was really cool, dude. Really cool. [00:03:56] Speaker B: Nice. Was it the main guy. Sorry? Was it the main guy from the company? Like, you're the. The owner from that debt consolidation company you were talking to? [00:04:10] Speaker A: No, he. We think he went off the. Like, he just sold everything and started going to, like, cross country, preaching Christ. But he owns a company now, a roofing cleaning company in Washington. But this was one of the guys. It's funny, because this is the guy that got on my nerves the most, and I think it's because we're. We're the most alike, you know? You know how you hate the people that are most like you? You're like, oh, yeah, you know, and. But I kind of got past that. I don't know, good 10 years ago. And so we started talking, and couple of the guys that I really hold dear actually work with him or for him. And we just, like, started chatting it up, and it's been cool. [00:04:58] Speaker B: Nice, nice. I'm struggling with phone placement. [00:05:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I see that, man. I see that. [00:05:09] Speaker B: I don't. I don't want to not address how distracted I am. Well, I. I didn't give you a super fleshed out idea of what was on my mind this week, so it's kind of gonna be a freestyle, but I think it's Right in our wheelhouse, because we did the Resolutions episode. And now what I want to do is talk about basically when. When the. The motivation and the passion from, like, New Year's starts to fade a little bit. [00:05:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:53] Speaker B: And kind of talk about how to keep it going and kind of accept failure and move on from the point you're at, you know, two. Two things. Like, on my old podcast, I did an episode on Bible plans, and I did it in, like, March, because that's the time when your Bible plan is starting to fall off and you're starting to, you know, not read every day and stuff. So, like, the best time is like, hey, if you're two months behind already, best time starts now. [00:06:28] Speaker A: Like. [00:06:28] Speaker B: Like, don't wait till next year or whatever. And I know we talked one time about how, like, I'm a. I'm really against, like, if you want to start a diet, don't wait till Monday. Don't wait till the first of the month. Like, start now when you've got the passion to do it. Like, when you want to do it, start. If you feel like exercising today and it's Thursday, go to the gym now. Like, don't wait till Monday. You know, don't. So I kind of, like, post New Year, wanted to kind of get into, like, where we're at on our stuff, what's working, what's not working, and kind of like, how we can get back into it from here. [00:07:13] Speaker A: Nice, nice, nice. So I think. I think for resolutions, I think it's easier to keep them when you set them up properly. And what I mean by that is, you know, don't be broad. You know, don't. Don't say, I want to get fit. Be more specific. I want to walk 15 minutes a day. I want to hit the gym for a half hour. But I think being more specific helps you maintain those goals, you know, And I think with that, you know, small, small goals, they build that neural pathway stuff that I was talking about, you know, like, it's. It's almost like a pave. A paver in. In a paved. You know, a paved walkway. You know, it's one paver. You keep setting another one and another one, and if it takes less than two minutes to start, do it immediately. You know, if. If it's. If it's something that's quick, let's do it. But I think that has to go with honestly setting up your resolutions properly. Now, as for me, I actually did that. That. That, like, I don't know. It's. I don't. Want to say pamphlet, but it was like a guide. [00:08:48] Speaker B: It was like a guide. [00:08:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:49] Speaker B: Resolutions. [00:08:50] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's called an annual review. And it's 66 pages. You know. Know what I mean? Like, it's not something you sit down and you're like, oh, I'm going to briefly, you know, buzz through this. It's. It's 66 pages of, like, going through and working out and talking about what are some of the. You know, like, what are some of the things that could be not beneficial to this? Like, what. What are some of the limitations that I might face? And so it was cool because I actually sat down and started writing it out, you know, like, okay, like, this is going to be. This is what I want to do. Here's some of the things that. That might limit that. And so. And it's on paper, so I can actually refer back to it and say, okay, what. What did I write down? I think that's another important thing, writing them actually down. And this one has, like, it has progress reports where it's like, where should you be at the end of month one for this? You know, where should you be at the end of month one? And then it goes on to say, okay, now line up the rest of the months. What are you looking to be at by month two? What are you looking to be at by month three? That's for me, it was saving, and it was like, okay, well, where do you end up? Where do you want it? How much do you want to save by the end of month one? Okay, that's. Now your. Your new. Your new. Your new thing. By the end of month two, you should have double that. And so, yeah, I'm behind. I'm behind, man. You know, I wasn't expecting child support to hit me as hard, and it's taken out, like, an additional 800amonth, you know, and so it was just from being laid off, I didn't make all the payments. You know, I made. I made payments, but I wasn't. Wasn't able to make all of them at times. And so, yeah, the. The state's like, okay, we're gonna get you. [00:10:48] Speaker B: That's. That's so awesome that she lives with you half the time and you spend all the money on her then. And then you also have to pay money. That's so cool that we pay taxes to the people that made that happen. Anyways, not gonna get started on that. [00:11:09] Speaker A: So, yeah, that's. That's kind of where it's at. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Okay, so saving was a big one for you now have you kind of resisted the. That hopeless moment of, like, I'm behind now, and I'm extrapolating out that I'm not gonna make the goal this year? [00:11:30] Speaker A: No, I. I know I got a couple good bonuses still coming, so relying on those to kind of, like, get me back in the game, you know? And I know that's not great, because you don't know what they are. One, two. You know, there's. There's no guarantee it's gonna be the dollar amount that you want, you know, but at the same time, you know, I was talking to Miami, and she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, the other day, and I'm like, oh, I'm just opening my. My. My box from my. I have a. Have a designer, like, a clothing designer that, you know, goes through and picks out clothes for me, and for 300 and something a month, they send me a box of new clothes, you know? And she was like, are you serious? And I'm like, yeah. She's like, you've expressed that, like, your. Your divorce kind of wiped you out. You're playing catch up, and you decide to spend $350 a month on someone that curates clothing for you. I'm like, yep. [00:12:35] Speaker B: Like, what a typical woman, you know? I mean, I was like, the big picture. [00:12:40] Speaker A: I know. Like, let me get. Let me. But let me. Let me look at this. I was like, you get your nails done, your hair done, your eyelashes done, you get Botox. You get a shot in your stomach, and you get hormones. I was like, you've got to be like, out, out, like, pacing me money wise. And she's like, no, all that's about, you know, 70amonth because it happens. Some of those are, like, once every two months. Some of them are once every three weeks, you know? She's like, so, you know, it actually bounces out to being like, I don't know, it was like a hundred a month. And I'm like, all right, well. And she's like, mine's health. She's like, if you wanted to do something for, like, your personal body, I can understand that. I'm like, I am. I'm covering it up so you don't look at it. Yeah, like, I'm covering it up so you don't have to look at it, dude. Like, it's like, bro. So, yeah, that's kind of. That's kind of worth that. So, yeah, she did say, if we're gonna be married, like, we have to have these types of Discussions. And so she was like, you know, you need to cancel it. And I'm like, yeah, I wasn't expecting to pay more in child support right now, so I probably will have to cancel it. [00:14:02] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, that makes up almost half of the increase in child support right there, so. She's got a point. [00:14:10] Speaker A: She does. But I think the good thing about it, though, is I can. I can always look back and see what. Where I'm tracking, you know, on this. On this document that I have, you know, And I think that's important to write them down. [00:14:29] Speaker B: You should. You should ask her, hey, when you have a. Like a criticism or a note or anything like that, go ahead and write it down and then just give it to a man and have a man tell me. And 100% of the time, I'll be like, bro, you're right. Thanks for looking out. It just sounds so right coming from you, you know? [00:14:58] Speaker A: But, yeah, we've had a couple hefty discussions in the last couple weeks, you know, where things didn't necessarily go her way or my way. And that's. That's actually been good because, like, I'm learning. Like, she'll. She'll get feisty, bro. You know, she'll be like, well, you've done. [00:15:20] Speaker B: I'm like, her, though, the one who choked you unconscious? Yeah, it's feisty. [00:15:24] Speaker A: And she'll start snapping. And I'm like, am I. Am I, like, talking to you a certain way? Am I. Am I coming at you like that? She's like, but you're just being mean. I'm like, have I insulted you? Have I talked about your character? Have I said something to you that is, like, been mean? Or do you not like the fact that. I'm just saying it is what it is. Like, you're telling me I don't follow through on what I say? I'm telling you, you do the same thing I said. But mind you, I only said this after you kept going after my apology. You know, it was like, so. And, you know, it's funny. Like, she came over last night. She's like, you know, you didn't. You never apologized for last night. I was like. And I'm not gonna. She's like, but you were being like. You hung. Remember what you said before you hung up the phone? I was like, yeah, I was being very considerate. I said, I have a meeting. I'll call you back after. If you answer, sweet. If you don't, don't even worry about it. I totally understand. And she's like, yeah, that was mean. I was like, that was being considerate, you know, I was like, that was not mean. Yeah. I'm like, dude, if you weren't in the mood to answer it because you're still festering, get it. I'm not gonna be like, oh, you didn't answer. I'm giving you the grace to be like, hey, like, go ahead and take some time. You know, it's not. It's not a big deal. So, yeah, it's. It's been. It's been quite the. It's been. It's been pretty cool, dude. But these things have. They have metrics to measure by, and so, you know, the goal is saving money. Better success metrics. How will you measure progress and Success? What are one to three action steps you will take in the next 30 days? And then what is the key support? What, who or what do you need to succeed? And then what it does is, like, it actually forces you to think this through. You know, if I was going to the gym, which was not one of my three but, you know, success metrics, you know, how will you measure progress and success? I would probably do muscle mass or weight loss, and then I can jot it down. It's next 30 days. What are your one to three steps you will take? Well, I'll go to the gym Monday through Friday after work. I'll do a complete system or regimen, and then I will be more conscious about my eating. And then key support. Who are. What do you need to succeed? Mean, from there, we can work it out and say, okay, well, maybe a workout buddy or a gym membership or, you know, like to set my clothes out in the morning to take my clothes with me, whatever it is. You know. But I think writing it out actually makes you kind of walk through the process versus I'm gonna. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna. I'm gonna, you know, get fit this year. Okay, how's that look? You know, what's that mean? So I like this. [00:18:25] Speaker B: I like this. There's. There's a lot of value in. And I know this is kind of a gay word, but visualizing success in the most minor of ways. So, like, when I need to do a couple things on my way home from work, and a couple things when I get home from work, I like to kind of imagine like, okay, I'm gonna leave here. I almost picture myself driving to the place. It's like, okay, that first place is closer. I'll go there. I'll do this. I'M not doing this. I'll go to the next place, you know? And then as soon as I get home, I'm just gonna jump into those chores so I can get them done, not get stuck talking to anyone, you know, that kind of thing. And it goes way smoother when you. When you picture it like that, for sure. [00:19:13] Speaker A: And honestly, I know that you're a big. A big supporter of, like, you know, if. If. If you want to work out, don't wait till Monday. I'm a. Like, I'm a Monday kind of guy. Like, if I want to work out and it's Tuesday, I'm like, all right, Monday, I'm gonna start working out. And you're like, no, do it now. I'm like, okay, it's Wednesday. All right, cool. Like, get. Get whatever else out you want to do before you start setting time for. For. For gym. Okay, it's Thursday. All right, gym Monday. Like, I'm mentally preparing myself to do those things, and I work better that way. You know? Like, if you're like, hey, take out the trash. If I'm in the middle something, I want to prepare for it, whether it's watching TV, whatever. I'm like, I'll do it in 10 minutes, and then I get a little countdown, you know? All right, I got five more minutes. And sometimes I'll do it early, sometimes I'll do it right away. But for the most part, I want to mentally prepare myself for this. [00:20:14] Speaker B: Yeah, I see that my mom's birthday is in early January, and her whole thing, like, through the holiday break and everything, she was like, yeah, I'm gonna start my. My diet the day after my birthday because I want to have cake and stuff on my birthday. And I was just like, have cake on your birthday. Cool. But, like, you could start eating good now and just have cake on your birthday. And then, like, you're already in the mode, right? You're set up for success late, you know? And then, like, the day after your birthday, you're just getting back to it, you know? So I kind of see both sides, but, like, I realize now I kind of contradicted myself with that whole thing because, like, you do. You do kind of want to lay out the path and think about it ahead of time. [00:21:00] Speaker A: You do, But, I mean, yeah, when you're like, yeah, I like to think about going to the store and stuff. You do, but that's also very correct, you know, like, start. There's nothing prohibiting you from starting earlier and getting a head start on what you're doing. You know, as well as, like, it gives you a little something. If you take your mom, for instance, it. It would give her a little goal. A little reward. That's a better word. A little reward on her birthday, you know? And she's. Let's say her birthday was Friday, and it's. It's Saturday. She got six days or five days before her birthday. She could literally be like, all right, man. Like, it's like, okay, I'm gonna eat two bundles of celery every. Every day, and that's all I'm gonna eat. Man, this sucks. But, oh, I can't wait for Friday. Like, Friday I'm gonna have me some cake, you know, It's a little reward, you know? I mean, that's what I did when I was fasting. It was like. It was a week, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. And if my birthday did follow, and I'm like, oh, dude, I cannot wait for my birthday. Like, I cannot wait for my birthday. And then my birthday came, and we went to have these wagyu hamburgers. Awesome. You know, and then. And then Tuesday, I went back to our. Thursday, it fell on a Wednesday. And then Thursday I went back to doing what I. What I was doing, you know? Yeah. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Yeah. I think both of those are just tools in the arsenal. It's like. I think there's. There's circumstances where one's gonna work better, circumstances where it might be a mix of both, you know? Yeah, but. Yeah, but I think in both, there's a. An immense value in thinking about the methodology. I think. I think, like, thinking about how you're going to achieve certain goals is, like, half the battle. [00:22:56] Speaker A: I think that's the whole battle. [00:22:57] Speaker B: Again, it goes. It goes back to what you were saying about vague goals versus, like, smaller goals that you can kind of write out and get a handle on. If you just have this idea of, like, I'm gonna diet, but you're not writing out a food plan or thinking about, like, what that's gonna entail. You're not setting yourself up for success. It's. It's. It's. Exactly. And we talked about this. It's the. It's the Jordan Peterson thing, which a massive fall from grace in my mind. Jordan Peterson has had in the mental space. But. But, like, his whole thing about making your bed every morning, and then everything is just like these concentric circles working out from making your bed to where maybe you clean your room, and now you're in charge of your whole room. Like, you've got A handle on that. So now you can start thinking about the house. Then you start thinking about your job, well, your car, and you just go. [00:23:50] Speaker A: From there, you know, James Clear makes a really good point in, in, in his, his book on atomic habits. He says, you know, build your environment to suit your goals. You know, if, if you're trying to quit beer, have it on the back shelf in the very bottom. Don't have it on the top shelf in the front. Like, put it where it's going to be. Out of sight, out of mind. He's like, look at most living rooms. Most living rooms are set up to where the TV is the main focus. If you're trying to be more active, set your, set your living room up different. You know, make it so that maybe take the, the batteries out of the remote and make it harder to do those things you don't want to do that are prohibiting you from, from reaching your goals. Make it harder. Even if it's just 30 seconds, you gotta go get the batteries out of your bedroom and put them back in the remote before you watch tv, you know, or, and then put books on your, on your coffee table, you know. Yeah, you might go spend that 30 seconds, get the batteries out of your room, go put them in the remote, watch tv. Or you might sit down and say, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to give that book a shot and pick it up and read it. [00:25:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I used to, two, two things I used to do. I used to leave my Bible open on the bed next to me. So when I woke up in the morning, it was just there and open. So literally all I had to do was just roll over and start reading it. Or I would put it out on the kitchen counter next to the coffee maker. So when I got up and immediately got my cup of coffee, there's the Bible open to the page it needs to be on. I literally just have to pick it up or not and read it. You know what I mean? Like I could just stand there and read it, you know. So like, especially for me, I don't think you've got adhd and you know, I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I think I've got it. And so it's, it's massive for me to create my environment chaos free, you know, like cut down on messes, cut down on distractions, all that stuff. Like I need to be thinking about how to set myself up for success in everything I do. [00:26:06] Speaker A: I think I've said this before, I use a lot of My voice activated task manager, you know, hey, remind me in 10 minutes to do this. Remind me at this date to do this. Remind me on this day to do this. Remind me I got this on this day. Remind me the day before. I got this day, the next day. I'm constantly doing that so that I can free up my mind. However, it was funny. Me and Miami were driving home the other night and I said, oh, shoot, I gotta do this. And she was like, really? You almost forgot that. And I was like, yeah. She goes, it was seven minutes ago that it got brought up. I'm like, you don't understand. Like, I go, my mind. And you see this mainly you see this, this is more illustrated and more clothed when I'm high and I'm talking, but my mind runs so rapidly with different thoughts of like, okay, this, this, this, this. And then that'll trigger a different thought where I'm like, okay, oh, I got this, I got this. And then I'm circling back around to not forget those two points that my mind came up with. You know, sometimes it's three, four. But then I'm like trying to figure out how to remember those. And so I'm coming up with something in my mind to say, okay, that, that, that, that, that. Okay, I know I got four things. It's. And then, even then something else might trigger from me doing that. It's just, it's a constant. Like my, my mind gets no rest. [00:27:35] Speaker B: Same. Yeah, yeah. The task manager is huge. Yeah, there's a lot of different schools of thought with like task managers and stuff. [00:27:46] Speaker A: I, I do think they, they can dumb you down for sure because. Absolutely. [00:27:52] Speaker B: And that's kind of where I've found myself. [00:27:55] Speaker A: Because you're so reliant on them that you often, you know, won't, you won't necessarily commit things to memory because you know it's there. So I only use task managers when it's like, okay, I gotta grab batteries out of the garage when I get home. Hey, so, and so remind me when I get home. Remind me at 130 to grab batteries. I know I'm gonna pull into the driveway probably about 135, 140. So I know, you know, when it goes off, I look at my phone. Okay, cool. When I get out, gotta grab my batteries. You know, I don't try and use it for the bigger stuff. [00:28:33] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I, yeah, I use it for everything. And, and I've kind of gone back and forth on that because there are just times when I'm More like mindful. But, like, I'm. I'm big on. Especially if it's something like, I've got my whole plan for how the rest of the night's gonna go, and my wife says, hey, take the clothes out of the dryer before you go to bed. I have to write that down because I am not going to remember that if I don't write it, because I've already envisioned my whole night. [00:29:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:06] Speaker B: So I've already rehearsed it. I've already rehearsed it. I've already gone through it. And if that shit's not in my routine, it's not gonna happen. And, and, and she knows now to. To tell me to write it down in my task manager, because if I don't, it's. It's probably not going to happen. So I. I like to get everything out, especially the. The more random, like, unplanned things, and really just have one place where I go and it's cluttered. Honestly, it's cluttered because I put everything in there. I put down like, hey, I want to journal about that later. I gotta remember to read this. I gotta remember to look into. You know, I want to read the trim book, you know, so I write stuff like that in there just so I'll remember to do it. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Don't. Don't even worry about it until I send you the next copy, by the way. Don't even. [00:29:54] Speaker B: Well, that's what I was gonna say when you, when you told me that, I was like, well, I guess I'm not gonna read the one he sent me already because. And, and honestly, I. I apologize for not getting to it. It's. It's been pretty crazy. And then I've got this. This writing deadline that snuck up on me because there's this thing I was supposed to write, like, back in October, and the deadline got pushed, so then I never started it, and now I'm trying to catch up with it. And it's a podcast, so I have, like. I actually have, like, an actual deadline I have to meet so I can talk about it and all this stuff. So I'm a little bogged down. But, you know, I'm getting into setting smaller goals with the writing project so that it's not so. So, like, I've finished the outline, and now based on how I write in a notebook and based on the word count I need, I've got three main parts of the story, and I know each one needs to be about two pages of notebook paper to be about 1,000 words. Each. So like, I've broken it down to a very manageable thing where it's like, I'm almost thinking I'll write too much on it now because of the way I've broken it down. So, like, that's, it's helpful. Cause I'd rather have more to cut from than, you know. So like, that's just one example of how that's working. And I think you're seeing right now how my brain rabbit trails onto things that I start forgetting what I'm even talking about. But I read a. I read a book called Time Surfing and it was all about not using to do lists anymore and task managers and stuff. And it was all about being more. Well, first of all, like, way more critical about what do I actually need to do. And like, stop cutting out those things that I don't really need to do that I keep forgetting because they're just stressing you out. But it was all about being more mindful about the things that you really need to do so that you don't need to be reminded of them. And it was an interesting read. But honestly, I think it's just another example of like, that works for some people and it doesn't for others. And I don't know if I'm ever gonna be the guy who can just throw his to do list away. I just don't think my brain works like that. [00:32:14] Speaker A: You know, I heard this once and to me it made sense. Never commit anything to memory. It's the same by Einstein. Never commit anything to memory that you have access to. So it's like, why what? You know, if I can now, we're screwed if the Internet ever dies. But you know, why commit anything to memory? That I don't necessarily, you know, it's. It's not important for me to remember. Let's just say Michael Jordan stats, height, you know, statistics, all that. It's not important. I can literally Google that when I need to and find out my daughter's phone number though, I commit to memory because what if I do need her and I don't have my cell phone? You know what I mean? Like, that is something where, yeah, I'm going to commit that to memory. And so it's, it's stuff like that where, you know, like, for me, I'm not opposed to having task managers. I think there's a. Utilize the tools you have. Just don't depend on them solely. [00:33:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, perfect example of that. I've forever, I mean, for 10 plus years now in whatever task manager I'm using. I've got a reminder to read my Bible, and I've got a reminder of, you know, things like that, like start the dishwasher every day. Every day. I've got that task on my manager. For years, I've had that, because that's something I'll forget, and it's something I need to do every day. But I've never needed to do that for meditation or listening to podcasts I want to listen to or anything like that, because those are things I so want to do that my brain doesn't struggle to remember it. [00:34:08] Speaker A: Well, you have the neurological pathways to do that, you know, like, you probably listen to your podcast on the ride to work, and then next thing you. [00:34:17] Speaker B: Know, it's a routine. [00:34:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, it's a routine. Next thing you know, you're listening on the way home. And sometimes I'm so hooked that any free moment, I want to listen to that rest of the podcast for all throughout the day. [00:34:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:30] Speaker A: You know, where starting the dishwasher, I have reminders that say, pray for 15 minutes. It goes off every day. Pray for 15 minutes. I have reminders that say, take out the trash. It's trash day. You know, and it's like, okay. Like, it's just little things where. Because they're out of sight, they're out of mind. You know, the trash cans at Miami's house are on the side of her house. So when I get there, I don't necessarily remember to take them out, but when I set the. The reminder, I'm like, oh, okay. When I get home today, I got take out the trash. It's just, you know, it's just one of those things where podcast, you know, you said meditating. Mine is praying. I do need a reminder to pray every, you know, every day. Otherwise, I just get up, get out my day. [00:35:18] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that. And that, you know, that's been something that I've really wanted to work on this year, and it's going okay. I keep a habit tracker in my journal, so I kind of have, like, a running. I have data on, like, how often I'm praying, which is helpful to look back on and, you know, if it's lined up with other data, it's helpful to see, like. Oh, yeah. On a day where I felt like this, I didn't tend to meditate or pray or any of the other, you know, healthy things that kind of went along. But when I was in a really good mood, never forgot to do those things, you know, so, like, yeah, I think I'm. I'm probably not doing all I could do to enforce those habits. So, like, those might be examples of something that needs to go in the task manager now, because I've proven to myself it's. It's February 7th, and I've proven to myself now that it's not. It's not happening on its own. So I. I need to give it a little push and maybe once it becomes a habit, you know, like, I think at this point I could delete the Bible reminder because I pretty much do that every day, and it's something I want to do, so it's not like a struggle. [00:36:35] Speaker A: Well, you built that. That highway. Yeah, you know. [00:36:40] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:36:41] Speaker A: You built that highway in your brain to say, okay, this is, this is something I just do now. I think another, another thing to be successful at resolutions is. Is kind of setting up a. A conditional clause, you know, where if I do this, then I gotta do this, you know, Example, when I finish my morning coffee, I will write 200 words for my project. It's kinda like what you were saying, you know, like, I'm going to set it up so where every, whatever time period it is, I gotta have a thousand or two thousand words, you know, for this project I'm working on. And it's based on a deadline. And so you're just kind of working backwards from the deadline. Okay, here we go. That's what I'm gonna do. And it's an if then clause, you know, like you said, I'm gonna have my morning coffee bible sitting right next to it. Your coffee's automatic for us. Some, you know, most of us. [00:37:37] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't need a reminder for that. [00:37:39] Speaker A: Yeah, nothing says like, hey, go get a coffee in the morning. Like, my reminder doesn't go off. It's just like, I get up and I'm like, all right, take my pills or my vitamins. Take my vitamins. Take my she. Legit coffee, you know, however, having the Bible sit next to coffee is that reminder. When you get coffee, you then read the Bible. [00:38:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. So we've kind of worked out, like, routine. We've. We've talked about, like, you know, methodology for, like, setting yourself up for success. Let's say we've already fucked up and we're, you know, how many days into this year. We're 38 days into this year now. Let's say something hasn't been done at all or it's been super inconsistent mentally. Where are you at with that? [00:38:36] Speaker A: Like, how. [00:38:36] Speaker B: How are you not letting the despair take over. And, like, what's the word for it? That word, like lethargy, where, like, you've already failed, sort of, so you're kind of not seeing the point of even trying. [00:38:53] Speaker A: I think with that, you know, there's. There's the don't miss twice kind of rule. And I know we're 38 days in, and maybe you've missed two weeks worth, you know, And. And so, like you've said, start now, do it again. Now. You know, perfection is the enemy of progress, you know? [00:39:15] Speaker B: Yes. [00:39:16] Speaker A: If I don't do it perfect, then I'm not going to do it. No, no, no, no. Just do it. Just go and do it. [00:39:22] Speaker B: If you miss once, perfection is the enemy of progress. I like that. [00:39:27] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, and. And if you miss once, you know, don't miss twice. But again, we're 38 days in, so there's a good chance you've missed last two or three weeks. Start it. Start it again, you know? Yeah, but again, that's why I need a document that stays in front of my face, because that document's on the tablet I use every day, and it's not in a folder. It's. It's on the home page. And so I see it, and so it's a reminder you have goals you wanted to reach this year, you know, and it's not hard to remember three goals. Now, I might open it up and read some of the goals and some of the, you know, the. The metrics of it, and to remind myself. But for the most part, you know, there's nothing stopping me from starting again tomorrow, you know, I mean, like, nothing stopped me at all. [00:40:19] Speaker B: Yeah, it's. It's not. Or at least I don't think I'm. I can't think of an example where your resolution had to be perfect, and it's not even worth trying if it. If it's not perfect. [00:40:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:34] Speaker B: You know what I mean? So, like, if. If your resolution, which I don't think this would be a good one, but if your resolution was to exercise six days a week all year long, I think you're setting yourself up for failure there because you're definitely not going to do it perfectly. And if you screw it up, then the whole year is gone, you know, and so we got to get out of the mindset of thinking, like, the New Year's magic, where, like, we have to start this certain thing. We've got to do it perfectly, all this stuff. And I think what you said about breaking goals down into more manageable pieces is key for that because it's not. It's not a race in the sense that, like, you've got the certain distance and you're gonna finish first, and if you don't finish first, if you're not first, you're last. You know, that goes back to marathon and, and the whole point is just. [00:41:30] Speaker A: Finishing well, it goes back to, you know, you're setting yourself up, saying the year, cool. Let's just focus on a week. Let's just focus on a month. [00:41:40] Speaker B: Yes. [00:41:41] Speaker A: You know, build the momentum. Momentum is very important. You know what I mean? Like, momentum can, in sports, momentum can change the season. It can. It can change the outcome of some of a team season that wasn't expected to excel, but they got some momentum. It's the same with, with human beings in their activities every day. Momentum can, can help you build upon another step and another step, another step. The guy that hits the wall and he's like, like, I'm done. Like, like or man, like, that was so hard to get here. He. He lacks momentum. But I guarantee you, the guy, the guy that overcomes that wall, he's ready for the next wall. He's hyped. You know what I mean? Like, and like with, with runners, they're not looking at, let's say the whole year is the race. They're not looking at the finish line. They're looking at the next cone, the next corner, the next turn. They're just focused on making the next checkpoint. They're not focused on the race in total. That's going to kill you. When I used to hitchhike a lot, I used to walk a lot, and I would put my head down and look at my feet. That was it. I put my head down when I walk. When I walk long distances, I put my head down, I look at my feet, and I say, when I get to that stoplight, you know, because I'll see the pole when I get to that pole. You know, I'll reward myself at the time. I'll smoking cigarettes. I'll reward myself with a cigarette, and I'd have a cigarette as I walk the next amount. Then I put my head down, I look at the next pole, and that's what I'm aiming for. You know, there's times where I look up, okay, I'm almost there. Put my head back down, and I just look at my feet, dude, I'm just looking at left, right, left, right. I'm just looking at the ground. But when I looked up, it was like Dude, I traveled so much. It's a lot different when you're looking at the pole and it's just barely moving with every step. You look down, you're looking at your feet. You look up in 30 seconds, you're like, holy shit. Like, cool. I've made some distance, you know? And so for. For me, that's kind of how I want to handle things. I want to take it, and I just want to hit the next spot and then the next spot. And through that, you'll build momentum to start rolling downhill with things, you know, now you're just like, all right, we're doing this. We're doing this, man. [00:44:11] Speaker B: Yeah. As a. You're wearing a Dodgers shirt, and I can forgive that. But as. As an Angels fan, every May or June, there's something in the air where we've given up, and we just don't give a anymore. We always come into the season with all this momentum because there's new players, almost always a new manager. There's all this new. And we've decided this is the year we're going to the series. And then Mike Trout gets injured, Anthony Rendon's injured. All these people are injured, and you can feel the team go. It. You can feel it. You can feel when they give up. And another huge problem is that everyone is trying to swing for the damn fences and hit a home run, when in reality, if everyone got a single, we'd win every game. Like, just get a single, just bunt, Just, you know, just do what you steal a base, you know, like, do whatever you can do to just nickel and dime your way to success. And. And the teams that do that fucking win two world Series in a row, like the Dodgers. You know what I mean? Like. Like, why is it that. That we. We view. We. We over promise ourselves to success to the point where we can't get the small successes, you know, And. And. And the game is just lost ahead of time because our mentality is screwed. We don't have. We don't have that. That main thing we were relying on. So now, you know, whatever, we'll just get through this one. [00:45:55] Speaker A: Just get on base. [00:45:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. It's like, there's how I met your mother episode where Jason Siegel's character is. Has been out of work for a really long time, and it just shows, like, a montage of him getting ready for interviews. And so the first one's like, you've got this, like, go out, impress him, and then he doesn't get it. And so the next time he's in the bathroom mirror, and he's just like, you're going to get through this. It might go well, you know, and then he doesn't get it. And then the next one, he's like, you're going to get through this and you're going to fail and come home and put your underwear on and you can watch tv. He just, like, he gives up before the game's even lost, you know? [00:46:42] Speaker A: That's funny. Yeah, I get that sometimes, though. I feel that. [00:46:49] Speaker B: Yeah. So. So, yeah. Okay, so we've. We've defeated defeatism. I think that's a good term for it. [00:46:59] Speaker A: We've. [00:46:59] Speaker B: We've gotten out of a defeatist mindset. We're nickel and diming our way to success. We've. We've kind of worked out our methodology of, like, how we're gonna be successful and how we're gonna measure success. What do you think's missing now? [00:47:18] Speaker A: I don't know, man. You know. [00:47:24] Speaker B: You know, I think, honestly, that might be. That might be all we need. I think, I think we might have covered it. [00:47:31] Speaker A: Yeah. I think honestly, you know, not, you know, it's kind of like when we talked about pornography, and you're like, you know, it's not defeat. It's data. You know, perfection is. Is the enemy of progress. It's. It's. It's not letting those things affect you like they do the average. The average cat. You know, I mean, like, it's very easy to be defeated mentally be defeated because you, You. You didn't. You know, you didn't. You messed up. You. You didn't. You didn't go. You know, you, you missed, or you haven't been doing it, or you're just not feeling it. Don't let the defeat keep you out of the game. You know, honestly, you got. You got to be able to say, okay, that happened. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna come back, you know, Again, you're looking at 2026 as a whole. Look at it as if you want to do a year. Look at it as a year increment. You know what I mean? Be this. Be. Be where you want to be by February 8th of 2027. You know, you don't necessarily have to accept the fact that, well, it was this year. It could just be a year time frame, you know, and start. Start again. [00:49:00] Speaker B: Yeah. A mutual friend of ours has been battling cancer for years now, and they. They just sent out an update on his. His GoFundMe that the doctors have now officially given him six months. [00:49:22] Speaker A: Oh. [00:49:24] Speaker B: So. But at the end of the. The update, they said, so we're going for a smaller dose of chemo. So it's like, even though they've. The doctors basically said we've done all we can do, it's. It's over. It's like we're still. We're still doing what we. Like, we're still nickel and diming. You know what I mean? Like, we're. We're not. Because why is giving up? And like, giving up is not really an option when you think about it. I mean, it kind of is and it kind of isn't, you know, but it's like without. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess. I guess what I'm trying to say is there's no point in ever fully giving up until you're dead. So, like, why not go for this other method that might do something in the meantime, you know? [00:50:19] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I get it. For. For him, it's. It's a. Why not? What's the worst that can happen? The same outcome, you know? [00:50:29] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:50:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think at the same time, when. When you. When. When you've, you know, we're talking about not keeping your resolutions. Do an autopsy, you know, if you will, on. On why you failed. You know what I mean? Was it a timing issue? You know, was it a friction issue? You know, did you have things, you know, if you're trying to quit drinking, was it because you kept buying beer and putting it on the top shelf every day you came home from work and that highway that you built on. On your neurons of having a beer after a hard day of work, fired, and you just opened up the fridge, and maybe you regretted it, but you open the fridge, grab a beer and popping it. Ah, shit, I've done that when fasting. I'm so used to eating, when I walk through the kitchen, of grabbing, like, the peanuts or something or, you know, the candy on the. On the counter, and I'm like, ah, fuck, dude. Like, that's already in my mouth. I'm already chewing it up. You know, like, totally forgot I'm fasting right now. You know, Is it an identity clash? You know, Are you trying to be a morning person when you're not a morning person? Yeah, I think, honestly, that would be. [00:51:53] Speaker B: That would be friction, right? [00:51:55] Speaker A: Friction would be maybe you have too many steps to complete the process. You know, maybe you put too many things. Maybe there's so many steps to get to the task, you know, again, that Two minute rule. Maybe you, you made it. So, like, I want to go to the gym, but before I go to the gym, I want to come home, I want to make my shake, I want to take my vitamins, I want to take a quick shower, and then, and then I'll head to the gym. Why not just go to the gym? All that stuff. If you do it, great. But the idea of it was to do the gym, not do routine and then the gym, lower the bar, you know, I mean, like, maybe, you know, you trying to get caught up and write all your stuff, you know, like, oh, man, I'm back behind October, you lowered the bar and broke it up into steps or into phases. I'm gonna do this much, this amount this day, this amount over this day. And then, you know, try and do some habit stacking. You know, for instance, like after I put on my work boots, I'll drink a full glass of water. After I get up, I'm gonna make the bed. After I make the bed, I'm have a glass of water. After I have a glass of water, gonna get my coffee and read the Bible. It's just, it's literally small stuff. And some of it's related to what you do already, you know, and then I think another good one is implement like, like we were talking short term sprints versus a marathon. You know, commit to the resolution for one week. Don't make it a new year resolution, make it a new week resolution. You know, make it something attainable. I don't think you set yourself up for success when you implement all four of those. You know, you look at, what was it, was it too hard? You know, can I, can I do this? Can I do this off of a plausible condition? You know, when I put on my work boots, I drink a glass of water, and then, you know what? I'm just gonna do that for one week. One week. I'm gonna do that. And, you know, you should, you should be able to build some momentum, you know. [00:54:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Because looking back on a success, we've talked a lot about failure. But looking back on, you know, if there was something for the last 38 days that you did succeed at, even if it was just a small part of what you ultimately wanted to accomplish, it's way easier to keep going. Looking back and seeing how easy that was to do the small thing, and it's like, well, shit, I've got 38 days of success in this one little thing. So all I got to do is keep doing that and build on it and snowball you know? [00:55:04] Speaker A: Mm. [00:55:06] Speaker B: Love a good snowball. [00:55:08] Speaker A: I was about to say, you know what snowballing is? [00:55:13] Speaker B: I had to take it from you before you could do it to me. [00:55:19] Speaker A: I gave her permission. I gave Miami pos permission the other night to snowball me. [00:55:25] Speaker B: Nah, man. Come on. [00:55:28] Speaker A: I did. [00:55:28] Speaker B: Don't say like that. [00:55:31] Speaker A: She didn't do it, though. I'm so glad. I always do stupid like that where I'm like, yeah, yeah. You know, like, yeah, just put a finger in it, and then. And then she'll do it. So it happened the other night, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm crawling up the bed. I'm like, no, no, no, no. And she's like, she keeps going. I'm like, I'm saying no. And I'm pushing her hand down. I'm like, I'm saying no. Like, I don't want this. [00:56:02] Speaker B: No means no. No means no. [00:56:05] Speaker A: So afterwards I said, why didn't you stop when I said no? She goes, well, I thought that was like. Like, I thought you wanted it more. And I was like, no. And she's like, well, you didn't say the safe word. I was like, pretty sure no's a safe word. Like, no should be the safe word, you know? I was like, I didn't. I was so flooded with. With. I'm so flooded with, like, holy. I couldn't remember what the safe word was, you know? I was like. I was panicking. You know, I was trying to save my manhood. [00:56:34] Speaker B: It's like the Louis CK Joke where he. He was, like, hooking up with a chick. And this is kind of weird, like, looking back on, like, what ended up coming out about him, but he was, like, hooking up with this chick, and she kept, like, saying no and kind of pushing him away. So he. He just stopped. And the next day, she's like, hey, like, why didn't you keep, like, going, you know, with it? He's like, well, you kept saying no. And she's like, no, no, no. That's just my thing. That's just what I like. Like, you should have kept going. He's like, so I was just supposed to rape you? Like, thinking that maybe that might be your thing? What was I supposed to do? [00:57:17] Speaker A: So if you want to recover from. If you want to recover from not keeping your resolution, use the. The framework of the three Rs. So reduce. [00:57:31] Speaker B: I love an alliteration. [00:57:33] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? Reduce, which means cut your. Cut your goal in half. Remove the intimidation Factor reframe. View the slip up as data again, not defeat. Eliminate the shame spiral and then resume. Start again, the next available window. Minimize the gap time between efforts. So reduce, reframe, resume. [00:58:02] Speaker B: I like that. Yeah, reduce, reframe, resume. [00:58:10] Speaker A: Yeah, reframe it. You know, reduce it first. Don't look at a year, look at a week. Reframe it. You know, maybe. Maybe, you know, figure out, do an autopsy, a failure autopsy on it. You know, what was some of the things that limited me? What were some of the things that made this harder? What was. Because it's usually one thing that does it for you. It's usually like one thing where you're like, fuck. I hated coming home every day, having to do like this, this, this before I did that, you know, just to get to that, you know, Like, I hated the fact that, like, I had to pick out another set of workout clothes because the ones I wore yesterday were just drenched with sweat. And every day I had to come and pick out a new outfit to work out in. Okay, well, Sunday, pick out five pairs of shorts, lay them out. Pick out five shirts, lay them right next to them, grab a shirt, pair of shorts, put them on, throw them, get out the door. You know what I mean? Like, don't. You don't have to go through the process of looking through your wardrobe again, you know, just say, hey, this is. This is it. [00:59:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:59:13] Speaker A: Or, you know what? Go on Amazon, buy five cheap pairs of shorts that you really like. Five cheap shirts that you want to work out in. Fucking keep them by your bed, you know, or on your dresser when you get home. Boom, there they are, putting your shoes. You know, don't even put your shoes in the closet with all the other shoes. Keep them right on the floor, right next to the door, you know, and just do that and then resume like you were saying with the kind of. Like you were saying with your mom, where you're like, hey, like, you can start now. If you fail, get back on the horse and minimize that gap. Because, yeah, the. The gap is the. The larger the gap, one, the harder it is to get back in it to. The more you've given to the negative, the more you've poured into the negative effect. You know, you're building that highway larger and quicker than if you would just stop it now and get back on. On. On the highway you're trying to get onto. [01:00:11] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And. And that's just going to do. So it's gonna help your brain so much in reducing that. Well, the gap, like you said but, like, what's another word for that? Like, the. The failure time, or, you know, I. [01:00:32] Speaker A: Mean, basically look at it like your time with mom. You know what I mean? Like, get back to spending time with dad, less time with mom. You know, Big Country's a. [01:00:51] Speaker B: You want to talk about that? [01:00:52] Speaker A: No. No, man. No, no, she doesn't really. We haven't really talked much. Um, you know, it's crazy, because on the other side, you know, me and Miami actually had a conversation the other night where it was like, what. How much do you want to spend on our wedding? What do you want to do? What kind of wedding you want? You want intimate? You want, like, large? Like, what do you want? What do you want to do? And so that was a cool little conversation because, you know, it had to be had. Damn, dude, slow down. But I. I do know we're dealing. [01:01:26] Speaker B: With a badass over here. [01:01:31] Speaker A: I do know how I'm gonna propose to her, though. [01:01:33] Speaker B: Oh, yeah? [01:01:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I do. [01:01:36] Speaker B: Can you share it on the podcast? [01:01:38] Speaker A: Yeah, of course I can. I was waiting for you to ask. So she has a thing with animals, dude. Like, she wants a baby goat for Valentine's Day. And I'm like, I don't want to baby goat. And she's like, you know, before we. Do that to yourself, right? And she's like, before we met, I put a down payment on a llama. And I'm like, for what the. [01:02:03] Speaker B: Does she live on a farm? [01:02:05] Speaker A: No, man. She's like, I want to, like, a. An animal, like, rescue place where, like, we build a place, we get our own property. It's huge, you know, like, we just have a ton of animals. And I'm like. [01:02:19] Speaker B: She's like, that sounds like a nightmare. [01:02:23] Speaker A: That's what I said. [01:02:24] Speaker B: Don't tell her the other night. Tell her that. But I'm telling you, I. I want to puke. I want to puke just hearing those words. [01:02:31] Speaker A: She kept sending me, like, little goat videos, like, miniature goat videos. And I'm like, no. And I responded. Well, I said. I responded. I said, cute. You know, cute. And she sent me another one, and I didn't respond. She goes, how come you don't respond to my videos? I said, because how I want to respond is not how I respond. I respond cute. But what I want to say is, I don't want a goat. You know, like. So back to the proposal. I know certain elements of it. I know I want it to be in a candlelit area with. I don't want to be public. Like, I don't want it to be, you know, somewhere around public. And I'm just like, I get down, you know, I'm not that dude that be on a plane and be like, will you marry me? Or be at some event, you know, some event for something else. We don't have passions like that. [01:03:32] Speaker B: Like, some would do it at Not Scary Farm. [01:03:36] Speaker A: No, I mean, if that's your passion. If that's your passion, though. Like, if I was like. If me and her were, like, WWE fans, like, hardcore, and we went to every wwe, yeah, I'd probably propose her at a WWE event. But we don't have, like, certain. Like, if we were Star wars geeks, I'd probably propose her at Star Wars Con, you know, whatever. But I would want. I know I want candlelit. I want a quartet of violinist or strings, you know, like maybe a cello, a violin, and what's the other one? It's not a violin, but it's like a viola or. [01:04:16] Speaker B: Yeah, usually a quartet is a cello, violin, viola, and fucking Another violin maybe. [01:04:29] Speaker A: Yeah. And so I want that. I want it for us. I don't want it to be at some violinist concert where we're like, you know, over here. It doesn't necessarily have to be filmed, like, if it is cool. If it's not, I'm still cool with it. [01:04:46] Speaker B: Okay. [01:04:48] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, I do want my. My daughters there, you know, and. But again, you know, and not all of them have to be there, you know, I do want. I do. Would like. I would like 1, 3, and 4. I don't think number two is really going to kind of support it right away. She might have a more number three. [01:05:10] Speaker B: Coming around on it. I know number three was kind of. [01:05:13] Speaker A: Struggling, you know, it was cool because Miami was over last night. She's laying on the couch, and number three was on a date with her boyfriend. And we were. We were just sitting there watching Landman. And she came in, she was like, oh, hey, Miami. And, you know, we were talking and seeing how their date went and all this, and then she was like, oh, so, like, are you finally staying the night? And I was like, oh, you hear that? Like, I was like, I didn't even talk to her. I didn't even talk to her about it, you know, Like, I didn't say anything like, you know, hey, because I've asked her, like, why don't you come over? Why don't you stay the night? You know, like, I'm always the one packing the fucking bag. I'm always the one going to your house and she's like, that's her sanctuary. She's already told me, like, she doesn't agree with us sleeping together if we're not married. She knows she's being a hypocrite for it. But she, you know, she has said, you know, like, there are other eyes on me as the father. And she goes. And so with that, like, I want to respect her space. Like, I want to respect her sanctuary. I don't want to go into her place where she finds solitude and be like, oh, well, you know, I'm here now because your dad told me to be. And so I get that. And so I understood it. So when I. But I didn't say that to number three yet. So when she had brought it up, I was like, that's cool, because, like, she's expecting you to spend the night. She seems to be okay with it, but they do like each other, you know, I. When I. When I stay at Miami's house, she makes number three. Whenever we work together, she'll make number three breakfast and lunch, and I'll take it to work with me. And she's like, oh, she made this for me. Like, that's so cool. [01:06:45] Speaker B: That's awesome. [01:06:47] Speaker A: And so, yeah, she seems to be coming around, but I don't. I don't know the venue. I don't know. I'm thinking the venue just might be at her house, you know, and I maybe lock the dogs up somewhere. You know, she's got three dogs, two cats. I don't know. I would like to do to her house, but I just don't want to do with the dogs, dude. You know, I'd like to have it in the backyard where she comes home. [01:07:16] Speaker B: You get down on one knee, and the dogs start barking at you, dude. You know, that's exactly what would happen. [01:07:23] Speaker A: But I'd like to have, like, maybe like, some type of game night, you know, where I have a reason to invite a bunch of people over. And then, you know, she comes home and it's all. It's already done. You know what I mean? The only thing is, is, like, I want it to be nighttime, you know, and so I'd have to do something where number three takes her out shopping. The cortex is set up. We can set up candles everywhere and, you know, do something like that where. But then again, I also want it to be. I don't know, man. I want her not to walk in and see a bunch of people knowing it's coming, you know, I want to be something where, like, we're celebrating something she's there, and it's just like something kind of passive that we're celebrating, and then I do it, you know, with all those. Those things. But at the end of the night, you know, where we can enjoy people and she's not really expecting it, you know. [01:08:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Just spitballing here. There's a little animal, like, rescue preserve thing out in Silverado Canyon where they've got, like, a tiger and, like, a lot of cool, like, animals they've rescued. But it's also, like a venue for, like, weddings and stuff. And I think there's a restaurant there, so it would. It could. I'm not saying this place, but if there's a similar place near you, like, it could be a perfect spot for her to, like, see some animals and then, like, sit down to a nice dinner at night outside, and then the fucking quartet comes in. [01:09:01] Speaker A: I actually, I. That I could do that. I can do. And I. I wouldn't even. I wouldn't even hate the fact of saying, hey, we're doing a trip to California. Mm. You know, take, take, take three and four. One's already out there. Have us. Have her meet us out there. Do, like, you know, I thought she. [01:09:19] Speaker B: Was out in Arizona for some reason. [01:09:21] Speaker A: No, she's in, like, Newport. [01:09:23] Speaker B: Oh. [01:09:26] Speaker A: Do. Do something like that. Where we just spend the day looking at the animals and then a. An area kind of sectioned off where they have a quartet and candle lit. And she would be like, oh, that's just like the concert we went to. Like, oh, yeah, that's cool. And then like, hey, let's sit down and watch it for a little bit, you know, and then. And then just, you know, get on one. [01:09:44] Speaker B: Goosebumps. [01:09:45] Speaker A: I know, man. It's not a bad idea. I actually like that a lot, dude. [01:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I could be boots on the ground for you if anything needed to be done ahead of time. So let me look into this place. Let me. Let me make sure that I'm remembering that correctly, because I'm pretty sure there's a restaurant on the grounds. [01:10:05] Speaker A: And it's like, I didn't want to say that because you have so much on your plate, but I wanted to be like, hey, would you, like, mind looking into that? You know, because you kind of. Yeah, yeah, I would love that, dude. Yeah. [01:10:18] Speaker B: Yeah, no problem. Yeah, that'd be cool. Okay, so we're thinking about that. Is there anything else in the way, like, before that happens, like, is her divorce coming along or. [01:10:34] Speaker A: It's final. [01:10:35] Speaker B: It's final. Sweet. Okay, so that's out of the way. That was like the last thing, right? [01:10:40] Speaker A: Yeah, basically. I mean, like, I would like one and two to meet her. I'm afraid of number two meeting her just because, like, you know, number two is as. As we're kind of rebuilding our relationship. She still kind of has like, you know, she'll respond to my text two days later, she'll answer my calls, we talk. But she's still like very pro, pro big country, you know, Like, I can't say nothing. I can't even say a fact because her mom's already corrected the fact. You know what I mean? Like, you know, bringing up the assistant pastor six week affair thing is like, well, she was young, you know, she was a, she was a, you know, she was a young woman at that time. And, and I'm like, dude, I'm not blaming her. I'm blaming like I, I'm pointing fault in this story. I'm pointing fault him, you know. Sure. I was like, I'm not saying anything negative about your mom. You were asking how do men of the faith have affairs or, you know, like, not really walk to the faith that they're proclaiming. All I'm saying is look at how many men have done it. Ko pj, TQ or jk, tq. G. Gc you know, And I was like, GC was with your mom and she was like, you know, well, you know, like she was young. And I said, no, no, no, no, I'm not saying, not pointing anything at your mom. I'm just making a statement of it happens. I was like, but on the same tip, your mom was saved too, you know, and she knows right from wrong as well, you know, she, you know. Yeah, it's easy to say. I was young and he took advantage. You had six fucking kids, you know, four foster kids, two daughters, you know, you knew right from wrong. You're not a fucking idiot. You know. [01:12:37] Speaker B: You know what's crazy that I'm just realizing is that number two is like almost the age that she was when that happened. [01:12:46] Speaker A: Well, let's see, I got saved at 26 and it probably happened. [01:12:52] Speaker B: She was like 24, right? [01:12:54] Speaker A: I think she was. Yeah, she probably had to be like 24 or something. For sure. That put me at 30. I was gonna say around 30. So yeah, I mean, like, I'm sure I could find emails and figure that out. [01:13:10] Speaker B: But yeah, we don't need to open that can of worms. [01:13:15] Speaker A: But. Oh, you know what? It was when I worked at Glassworks that, that glass place in, in rsm. [01:13:28] Speaker B: Oh yeah. [01:13:30] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it was probably about 31, 32. She was like. I think she was 25 or 26. [01:13:37] Speaker B: Okay. [01:13:37] Speaker A: You know. Okay. [01:13:38] Speaker B: A little older than I thought, but. [01:13:40] Speaker A: But she still, you know, kind of chalks it up to, like, I wasn't in, like, a justification of why she did it instead of just saying, like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that. You know, it's. There's always a justification. She's propagating. Yeah, for sure. For sure. She is. Yeah. Yeah. [01:13:57] Speaker B: Well, I mean, okay, so, I mean, there. There's some work to be done there, but she's, you know, she's not, like, not talking to you, so that. That's an open door as far as I'm concerned. [01:14:13] Speaker A: Well, I don't see the relationship getting better once I get married where she's like, yeah, I'd love to come around you and your. Your new wife, you know, she'll be propagandized where she would be like, well, if you want to leave and meet me and get coffee, you know, I can see it being something like that. [01:14:31] Speaker B: Well, on the subject of propaganda, I read. I read a book about the Soviet Union and some of the things that led to the Soviet Union falling. And it's. A lot of. It was a relatively bloodless revolution, and a lot of stuff led to it that you wouldn't really expect to happen. And one of the things was that the Pope went to visit Poland, and, you know, under communism, obviously, religion is. It's an atheist religion. Communism is. And so when Catholic people in Poland came out to see the Pope and they saw, oh, my God, the streets are full of other Catholics who came out to see the Pope. Like, I think there's actually a lot more of us than I've been led to believe. You know, it was little things like that. Dallas was a huge thing. When they started getting the show Dallas, they started realizing, holy crap, in this country, the servants have cars. I don't think. I don't think we're as well off as we think we are, you know, so all I'm saying is with. With that kind of brainwashing, if I. You know, that's kind of a strong word for what we're talking about, but, like, you never know what could happen to make her start to question everything that she's been told. And to be fair, Big country is not. Is not playing with a full deck. So, like it. It's not going to take much for. For the house of cards to start falling. [01:16:09] Speaker A: No, for sure. [01:16:11] Speaker B: Give up hope. I Wouldn't give up hope that number two starts to see thing. You know, I. [01:16:17] Speaker A: You know, I was really hopeful after Disney World because in the midst of Disney World, when it was just me, number two, and then, like, Big country walked up and she was like, you know, what do you guys talk about? And she got, like, really weird and to the point where number two was like, nah, like, mom, he said that already. Like, like, no, he's right. Like, what he's saying is correct. You know, she's like, well, no, I'm just saying, you know, you know, I. I'm not gonna. And I was like, why are you gonna try and fight for your daughters, like, physical fight like that? Why wouldn't you teach them how to handle it healthy? Like, this is like, I. I'm not understanding your. Your. Your thought process. And it's not the first time she's had that. That up thought process, so I just kind of let her dig her own, you know? [01:17:01] Speaker B: Yeah. And not. Not to relate it to history again, but Thomas Paine said, time makes more converts than reason. And I've. I've found that to be so true in my mind because, like, I was a crazy person in April of 2020 to be saying the things that I was saying about COVID But it's 2026 now, and none of it's controversial. You know, people. [01:17:29] Speaker A: People. [01:17:30] Speaker B: People called me crazy, and they agree with everything now to the point where they didn't even apologize to me because they didn't realize that they were slowly, like, propagandized out of it. You know what I mean? So, like, that. That's another thing. Like, she might just wake up when she's 30 and realize, like, what the. What was I so pissed at dad about? You know what I mean? Like, I'm not even remembering what that was. [01:17:57] Speaker A: Girl whose mom made her think she was, like, crippled and. [01:18:01] Speaker B: Oh, Gypsy Rose Blanchard. [01:18:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Huh? [01:18:05] Speaker B: Yep. Yep. [01:18:08] Speaker A: It's gonna be a case of Gypsy Rose, man. Where she. Like, that's. [01:18:11] Speaker B: That's kind of an extreme comparison to make. Oh, my God. I'm not. Oh, my God, my legs work. Holy crap. Yeah, well, that's. I hope. I hope that that turns around sooner than later. [01:18:33] Speaker A: I do too, as well, man. I think you. [01:18:39] Speaker B: Sorry, go ahead. [01:18:40] Speaker A: No, she. I mean, all my daughters are pretty cool, personality wise. She's. She's got a cool little personality when she's not, you know, kind of being led or dictated, you know, or misled, I should say. [01:18:54] Speaker B: Yeah, she. She was always my buddy when the girls were young. Number number three didn't really seem to buy into my whole shtick. It was always. It was always number two who had a really good time. [01:19:07] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly, man. You know, and that's. That's the shitty part is like, you know, it's like, you know, like, I feel like a lot of her personality died as well because Big country was trying to do so much, like, propagandizing, you know, where, you know, like, I'm getting blamed for the guy. [01:19:29] Speaker B: She turned her home life into a battlefield. [01:19:33] Speaker A: Oh, for sure. Yeah. [01:19:35] Speaker B: So, like, where I. I came to visit you guys in 2019 and had a great time joking around with number two. I remember, like, she was telling me about this girl at school, and I remember, like, we were all laughing because I was like, hey, I think you should fight her. You know what I mean? Like. Like, we were just joking around and she was having a great time, and I. I just, like, even just on the kinds of things she posts on Instagram, I'm just seeing the light go out of her eyes, you know, and I think it's because her safe place was turned into a battlefield, you know, And. [01:20:07] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [01:20:08] Speaker B: And I, I, you know, she's gonna realize why that is at some point, you know? So. [01:20:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, that was one of the things that number three said when she moved in. She just wanted to stay for, like, a weekend, and then that turned into a week, and that turned in a month, and she was like, can I just stay here? Like, it's so peaceful here. Like, there's no, like, chaos going on. And I'm like, yeah, you're welcome to stay. Like, I don't care. And that's kind of how she came to stay here was just the fact that it wasn't chaotic. And I honestly think big country thrives on chaos. Like, she needs it. [01:20:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, she's a drama queen, for sure. Oh, yeah. I bet. I bet she comes home every day and tells number two or three, whoever's there tells them about, like, some shit she got into at the office with some chick. Like, I bet that's her story. Every day was like, well, so and so wasn't doing their work. And I told them, you know, don't be coming around here to acting like that toward me. I can hear it, dude. I can hear it. [01:21:18] Speaker A: You know, it's funny. I was talking to. I was talking to a kid named Ryan. You can keep this name in. And he used to work with her. And he was like, he was. Oh, man. I. I was telling him, like, how. How she's apparently doing when we first started talking to like a year and a half ago, when me and her start talking again. How's she doing at work? And he's like, oh, my gosh, dude. He goes, man, when I worked with her, he was. She would kiss everybody's ass. And then we'd get outside for a cigarette and she'd be like, talking like, she was like, you know, setting everybody straight. And she just like this and that. He was like, dude, it got so old. He was like, I could totally see her doing the same. He goes, she is such a big talker. And I'm like, dude, it's, it's. I'm so happy I'm not the only one to see this, you know? [01:22:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, it's validating for sure. So, so you guys were talking about, like, finances and stuff. You're talking about marriage. Do you have like a regular sit down to, like, talk about stuff? Are you just kind of always dialoguing in meaningful ways like that? [01:22:34] Speaker A: I mean, it's not always, but I mean, it's very common, you know, It's. It's common where, you know, like, the, the dialoguing about marriage. We were just driving home and I'm like, we were driving home from small group and I'm like, hey, like, like, honestly, dude, like, what do you, you know, what do you, what do you think your wedding will cost? You know, like, what do you, what do you think is a proper number to talk to spend on a wedding? You know, 10,000, 20,000? She's like, no. She's like, I don't want to spend that kind of money on a wedding. She's like, I'd honestly rather take that money and go do something with you after the wedding. [01:23:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I'd rather. [01:23:07] Speaker A: My mama. Yeah. I was like, no, I, I'm kind of in the same boat. Like, I don't want to spend a ton on. On a wedding that's just one night and then, you know, playing struggle to get caught back. I'd rather spend that money on taking a trip to Europe or something, you know? [01:23:24] Speaker B: Yeah, seriously. [01:23:26] Speaker A: But yeah, we. I mean, like, yeah, you know, like, she'll tell me about her day and I'm asking questions, you know, like, she was like, oh, my dad wrote me again. What'd he say? Did he apologize? How you gonna handle this? What do you think? Okay. How do you think you're a proceed? You know, it's funny because last night we were talking about that and she goes, you know, I'm probably not Gonna respond for a couple days. I was like, ooh, you're gonna send him, like, a ransom letter? Because I always tell her she holds her forgiveness hostage. I was like, you're sending a ransom letter? Like, if you want me to talk to you, you better send 20 I'm sorry's before, you know, if you want. If you want to be forgiven, you know, but. And she chuckled. But it's. Yeah, we're. We're. We're mostly talking just about life in general. And from that flows. Flows, you know, like, she'll bring up girlfriends at work and what they're going through, and she'll tell me about their situations, and I'm like, ooh, you know, like, that really sucks, you know, and I try and just relate to what she's talking about. That sucks that, that, you know, her husband so flaunts himself so much on Instagram, and, you know, he's Mormon. She can't do this and can't do that, but here he is. I'm like, yeah, he's cheating on her. You know, we'll just have those conversations and, you know, she'll say, you know, like, hey, just so you know, if you ever cheat on me, whether it's once we're done, and I'm like, you know, I get it. I'm kind of in the same boat if you ever lie to me. And it's, you know, something that's big. Like, yeah, I'm. I'm not coming back, you know, and that's not easy stuff to talk about, you know, so it's not hard. You know, she's just making a statement, but it can seem confrontational, like, I'm titting for tatting, where she's like, if you cheat on me, I'm out. Well, she lied to me. I'm out. But, yeah, no, we. It's. It's a common thing for us to come home and. Or during their day, talk about just heavy or. Or life, you know, just in general. Yeah. [01:25:22] Speaker B: Nice. Yeah, for. For a while, like, pretty soon after we got married, I was trying to do a weekly marriage meeting. I heard a podcast about it and, like, downloaded a whole, like, PDF guide and stuff, and I thought it was really cool. It was. It was like, it gave you segments of, like, you start the time with, like, complimenting each other about a unique thing each week. And then you get into, like, budget, schedule, all that kind of unpleasant. You got to talk about. And then, you know, you can kind of open up the space to, like, talk about some struggles, like whether it's with each other or outside the marriage, you know, whatever. And she just was not into it at all. So we. I think we did it, like, twice. [01:26:09] Speaker A: It feels too rehearsed, man. It feels too rehearsed. I think if you. Honestly, if you're not a selfish person, and I'm not saying that I'm not selfish. I'm very selfish. But at the same time, like, when she's like, hey, how did your day go, dude? I'll start rattling off. I had to do this, this, blah, blah, blah, this, this, this. And then, like, midway through my mind, my conversation with her, I'm like, it's an average day for me. Hey, how was your day? You know, how many cases did you have? I. I take interest in her day. I know her day is dictated by case numbers. You know, she has 56 cases. It's a long day. You know, I know that. You know, she has certain relationships with her friends, so I'll just ask, you know, hey, did. Did so and so give you an update on her? On. On what's going on with her marriage or, you know, where's. So and so? Where's. Where's cowboy Kim now? You know? Like, is she. How's. How's everything working out with her boyfriend? You know, what's. What's Bananas up to, you know? Like, is, you know, she still, you know, I. I. I'm interested in her life, and so that almost gives us those things, you know? Like, we don't sit there and necessarily talk about struggles, schedules, and. But they come up, you know, Hey, I got this in a couple days. Just want to give you a heads up. All right, cool. Hey, I got to pick up Bees, but I'm not gonna be able to make it. You think you could grab her or can I drop her off with you? Or. I mean, it's just we communicate so much that all that stuff is already out there. You know, the struggle part is a little difficult. She'll. She'll hold on to her struggles. She won't talk about it. She'll punish me. You know, she'll answer the phone differently or, you know, treat me differently or not really respond to my text right away, won't send me certain texts. You know, it's. It's usual where every morning, she's, like, driving now, and if I'm available or free, I'll give her a call, but when she's mad at me, I don't get those texts, or when she's bothered, I don't get those texts. But I'M the guy that's like, hey, what's going on with this? Nothing, I'm good. No, no, no, I didn't get this. What's going on? Well, you don't really. You don't know what's going on. That's why I'm asking, sweetheart. What's going on? You know? Well, you said you were going to call, and you didn't call all weekend. I was like. And yeah, sometimes I'm very forward. What's your weekend look like? Because we played Risk on Friday with the kids. We spoke briefly on Saturday, and then I called you Saturday night, and then Sunday we went to church together. So what's your weekend? Is it Saturday? Is Saturday your only. Is that. Is that what you define as weekend? Because we saw each other Friday for hours. We went to church on Sunday and we spoke twice on. On Saturday. So what's your. What is. What are you defining as weekend? I don't like how you're talking to me. Why? Why don't you like talking to you? Because. Well, yeah, you know, you're being mean. How am I being mean? What did I say? What did I say to be mean? Is it the facts? And I'm not trying to be rude, but I think you have a hard time with the facts. You don't like when someone's calling you to the table and, you know, you want to sit here and let it fester. I'm not someone that's going to let it fester. I'm just not, you know, and she'll. She'll. You know, I told her, I said, look, I've one. Never let any. If I have an issue with you, I bring it to you. I said, you know, when you took your dogs to the vet with your ex husband, we talked about it pretty much the next day. You know, you knew I had a problem with it the day it happened. I said, and so, you know, I don't do what you're. What you're doing. I just don't. And you want to sit here and say, it's your processing it. Well, you also don't bring it up ever. You know, I was like, look at the last three incidents that we've had, like, some conflict. I brought them up because you were treating me differently. You never brought it up. So don't sit here and say, you know, like, oh, I process. I'm processing it, because you process it until I bring it up. And then all of a sudden, you've. You've seemed to have already processed it. You're ready to formulate your thoughts and your argument. Well, why do I have to bring it up? And part of me will let it go for a while, because I'm not going to bring it up if you're saying, we're good, we're good. And then eventually I'll say, you know, you keep saying we're good, but you're treating me a lot differently. Well, I just have a problem with it. Oh, okay. You processed it. Is that what the You've done? You've done processing it now that I brought it up again, like, she doesn't like when I talk like that, but at the same time, I'm like, it's a game. You're playing a game, and I don't like the game. [01:31:00] Speaker B: Yeah, that. That's the thing. It's like, yeah. I mean, there's no better way to say it than, like, it is a game that, like, a lot of women play, but, like, you're not abiding by the rules of, like, trying to get after this thing that she doesn't want to say out loud. And it's like, you're supposed to kind of chase her, you know, when, like, we're adults, say what's on your mind. You know, like, I don't know. That's just, like, a very. A very, like, man way of looking at it. So maybe I'm. [01:31:32] Speaker A: It was funny because I said, I don't want a goat. And she's like, well, I put a down payment on one before we met. What if I had it when you first, like, came over? What if you came over and I had to go, would you leave? And I was like, no, I wouldn't leave. I was like, I knew you were gonna have sex with me, so I wouldn't leave. I probably wouldn't come back for the second time around, but I wasn't gonna leave without. [01:31:56] Speaker B: You didn't say that. You didn't say that. [01:31:58] Speaker A: She got so pissed off, bro. She was like, are you serious? I was like, yeah, like, I might not come back if you were an animal lady, but I'm not gonna pass up on sex with you the first time. You know, I was like. I came over. You were in your pajama bottoms and a shirt without a bra. Yeah, I read the signs. Sweet. [01:32:30] Speaker B: Savage. [01:32:32] Speaker A: I was joking one night. Oh, she got pissed, bro. Like, it hurt her feelings. Rightly so. I said, shows. Oh, you. Something like, oh, you. You. Oh, you think you got me? Is that what you. You think it was something like that? Like, you think you got Me or you think I'm like easy or something? Or. I said, and I, I followed it with like, sweetheart, I, I already knew I had you the first day when I said, when I came over, I said the fact that you gave it up on the first day, Yeah, I knew I had you. And she was like, are you fucking serious? I was like, yeah, all I had to do, I said all I had to do is. She goes, you came over with a condom in it. And on, on your Hawaiian fucking honey shit or Persian honey shit? And I was like, yeah, cuz I, I knew she said something like, she's hard. And I was like, nah, you were pretty easy. And then like, dude, like to the point where like she didn't talk to me for a couple hours, like, and not that she was mad, she was like genuinely like hurt. And I was like, dude, honestly, like, I was like giving you a hard time. I was just fucking around with you. I was like, I don't think that stuff about you. I was like, I just, I just started with a comment and then it just started flooding my brain with like these great comebacks. And I was like, so, you know, did we talk about the flowers from her husband? [01:34:04] Speaker B: No. [01:34:06] Speaker A: Okay, So I thought we did. So our last kind of like conflict was of she. Yeah, I thought I did. Where she told her, her dad, you. [01:34:21] Speaker B: Know, not really in a bell, but maybe we did. [01:34:24] Speaker A: So her dad set her down and gave her like a 5, 6 page letter about how she's a failure as a daughter and a mother and a wife and he would have never taken no partner marriage had, had, had he known she eloped. And she eloped because her, her boyfriend, who she married at the time, was shipping out. And so they eloped and then when he got back from, from, from Lee or was on leave, they got married, they had a proper wedding. Well, she never told anybody that they were married. And until like 10 years later they told her parents that they were. She was married to him. And so her dad like couple weeks ago, wrote this five, six page letter, took her to ihop, gave her the letter, told her she's a failure. All this stuff kind of broke her down. So what a pussy she's told, right? So she told me she told her best friend and she told her sister. So then like he calls because they had to do paperwork on the house. So she calls him, she's like, hey, you got to sign this, sign that, yada, yada, yada, so forth. And then he goes, hey, I text your dad, how's he doing? And she's like, I don't know. We haven't talked in three weeks. And he's like, oh, really? What happened? She was, well, he just, you know, set me down to restaurant, told me I was a failure as a daughter, as a wife, and as a mom, and, you know, just kind of said some really hurtful things. And I haven't talked to him since. He goes, oh, wow, that was Friday. And she tells me this conversation on Friday. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, okay. All right. And so I kind of let it go because I don't want to ruin the weekend. I think it's just a poor decision. And so Saturday comes, I get up to leave, to go to my house to change. So I come back and we go do our thing, and there's flowers on the. On the doorstep. So I go grab the flowers, and I'm like, oh, they're the same florist I use, because I send her flowers every month to work. I'm like, oh, okay. So walk them up to her. I said, hey, you got flowers. She's like, you shouldn't have. And I was like, I didn't. It's from someone else. So she opens it and says, you're awesome, Miami. Keep smiling. And so I leave, and I noticed the garage door was open. She went inside. So, like, I called her, and I was like, hey, just make sure I left the garage door open. I don't have. My clothes are in this car, so it's in my other car. And she goes, oh, okay. And I said, I don't want to make it that easy for your secret admirer to get in. You know, gotta. Gotta lock up. She's like, did that make you mad? And I was like. She's like, I know who sent them. She goes, my ex sent them. The. The invoice was emailed to our. To our account. And I was like, no, doesn't make me mad. I was like, doesn't make me mad. So we get. I go home, get dressed, come back, we get in the car, we're driving to our dinner, our concert, and everything's afterwards. And she's like, so I'm sorry that he sent those. And I was like, to be honest, I said, I'm not bothered by that. I'm bothered. I said, I expected it. Expected flowers. I go, I expect a letter. Also, him sending you a letter just kind of let you know how great you are. She goes, why do you say that? Because I said, I am bothered that you shared information that did not have to do with your son, with him. And she's like, really? I go, yeah, that was a vulnerable, intimate hurt that you had that you didn't share with all your girlfriends. You shared it with your best girlfriend, your sister and me. And then he calls and you share it with him. I go, that's. That don't make sense to me. She's like, well, you know, I can't control what he does. I said, I'm not saying you do, but you kind of do. I said, you know, I said, you guys have been here before where you separated and divorced for two years, and then you guys got back together. I said, you're giving him hope to some degree that you guys can have these intimate conversations and you're sharing hurts with them. I said, it's. It's producing hope. I said, so you kind of do dictate that. And she was like, well, you know, he has his relationship with my parents. He's been really good to them. And, you know, he was just asking. And I was like, yeah. And you could have just said, I don't know. We haven't talked in a couple weeks. I'll have to check in on him. You could have said anything, but you decided to go into detail about it. And so this went on for, like, three or four days, dude, where she was just like, she couldn't see my view. And I was like, if you're going to have a relationship with him on a friendship level, just let me know you want to maintain your friendship. And I can kind of assess how that looks for me. But if you're telling me what you are is if it doesn't have to do with my son, we're not talking about it. I said, that had nothing to do with your son, and yet you're talking about it. Well, he asked me. Don't care what he asked again. How would you feel if my ex called me and was like, my parents hurt my feelings, and they said this, and I'm like, I'm gonna send her some roses. Or I call you and say, yeah, me and my ex had a conversation, and you come to my house, there's roses from her on my front porch. How would you feel about that? And so she was like, you know, I just don't get it. You know, you're looking in. And I'm like, no, I'm not, dude. It took, like, five days of talking to her, and she was like, you're being so mean about this. I said, I'm not being mean. I'm Just trying to understand. If you're going to maintain a friendship, just tell me. You're not telling me that. You're telling me. If it doesn't have to do with our son, I'm not talking to him. But you're talking to him about stuff that doesn't have to do with your son. Just tell me what you want to do so I can maintain, so I can figure out how that looks for me, how I flow in that, you know, if I even want to be a part of that. She's like, well, you know, I don't want our relationships, not like yours and your exes, where it's chaotic and, you know, you know, toxic. And I said, it's. That has nothing to do with your relationship at all. This. It's apples to oranges. Me and her relationship is not why I'm saying this about your relationship. I go, I know yours is monetary influenced because he's given her 75% of his pension retirement versus the 35 that she's, like, deserves or is, like, given to her, ordered for her. He's given her 75, which is more than double. And so. And he's doing that because he feels bad. And so she's trying to keep the peace. I totally understand. You can still keep the peace and not give him information that he doesn't necessarily need. And so, dude, it took like four or five days before she was finally like, I understand what you're saying. I get it. And I'm sorry. I'm like, that's all. That's all I'm asking is that you acknowledge it. And if, again, if you want to be his friend and maintain a friendship, just let me know so I can figure out how that looks for me on my end. But if you're gonna keep it just, we're only conversing about my son, then let it be about your son. You know, they have a family group text. And I'm like, you know, I thought you were gonna get out of that, but you're still in it. You know, I don't care. Again, doesn't bother me. Just be straight up because I came out of a relationship. [01:42:17] Speaker B: Be consistent with, like, what you say you want. [01:42:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And she was like, well, you know, my character. And I said, your character is the only reason why I haven't gone gone so hard on, like, this. You taking the dogs with him to the vet, stuff like that. So, because I look at your character, I said, however, if you're constantly telling me this, but doing that, eventually I have to Take that into that's her character. And you'll have to understand that I came out of a relationship of 20 some odd years where someone was very manipulative, and I'm not going back back into that. So if you're gonna do this, do it. If not, let me know. Like, if not, that's your character and I have to make a decision if I want to be with someone like that. At the end of the day, if you're going to do X and say you're doing Y, I don't want to be a part of that. You know, I was like, I haven't lied to you once about anything, not even the smallest of things. You know, you may not want to hear what I have to say, but I'm not going to lie to you about it. You know, I called her one night after a podcast and on her voicemail I said, hey, I'm calling because I said I would not because I wanted to. I said I would. That hurt her feelings, rightly so. And I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I was saying, you know, I did tell you if I said I'd call, I'd call. And I told you earlier in the day I would call. And, you know, I ended up calling you back 13 hours later it was because I said I would. But most of the day I was with my kids, doing something with my kids, you know, and I'm not going to stop being present with someone in front of me, whether it's kids, family, friends, co worker, client to talk to you for an hour. You know, if you're cool with me saying, hey, I'm with so and so I just wanted to call, say I love you. Cool. I could do that. But most time you're not. You get upset, you get hurt that I'm not going to spend more time talking to you because you miss me. Well, how do you think that makes me feel on my end? So I'd rather just not do it, you know, being honest. But yeah, I'm not gonna lie. If this doesn't work, then I'm not gonna force it to work. Yeah, but. But I don't think I'll also find anybody like her, you know, like, she was like, oh, you'll just start dating someone else if we ever broke up. And I'm like, nah, I wasn't looking for you. I'm very lucky I found you because I don't think, like, you're gonna be a hard person to replace. You do a lot for me in the Sense of just caring for me. You make me feel safe. You. [01:44:48] Speaker B: Your. [01:44:48] Speaker A: You know, your. Your attention to my needs and in the details, you're clean. That's a big one for me, you know? I mean, like, the way you keep your house, the way you take care of your body is huge for me, you know? You use butt deodorant. That's awesome. I've never been with a girl where, like, we're intimate and I'm like, whoa, you. And I automatically think, like, you took a shit today. You pride in wipe the best, or you had some, like, couple farts afterwards that let, like, some. Some poop molecules sit in your cheeks, and that's what I'm smelling. She uses butt deodorant. I've never smelled poop on her butt ever. Not even a hint of it. So, you know, I like that stuff. I like that she keeps herself clean. Yeah. [01:45:40] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, you seem pretty perfect. I mean, I get. I get where you. You're coming from. I'm trying to kind of play devil's advocate and kind of steal me. [01:45:57] Speaker A: I knew you were. [01:45:58] Speaker B: Well, yeah, because that's what I do. But I totally get where you're coming from. I don't think I would have thought about it that deeply. And I'm not. I'm not saying that you're, like, not thinking about it correctly or anything, but I kind of get where she's coming from. About, like. Well, he asked, and before I knew it, I just kind of was telling him all this shit. You know, it's. It's got to be difficult to. You know, like, if I imagine that I'm. I'm, like, separated from my wife, it would have to be difficult to not talk to her the way I've always spoken to her. You know what I mean? Like, if I would have said this thing, it would be. And. And I guess this is just where I. I can't imagine it because I don't have that kind of barrier now, but, like, imagining having to put a barrier up where there isn't one now. [01:46:58] Speaker A: Well, here's the thing. I get that. But, you know, when I first met her, she's like, oh, you know, we're not divorced yet. We're going through it, but, like, we've been done for years. Like, we've had separate bedrooms for years. You know, he's done this and that. He's hurt me so much. Da, da, da. Okay, then you fast forward, and we're getting to this argument. She's like, well, you got to understand. I'VE only been divorced for a couple months. And I'm like, whoa, what narrative are we using? Yeah, because you've given me the narrative that you guys have been done for years now. The narrative is you've been done for a couple months. Is it because it works for your situation right now? [01:47:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:47:33] Speaker A: You have to pick a narrative and stick to it. And I said, I don't think you're doing this stuff intentionally because you're being very honest with me with it. I said, I think you're making poor decisions. That's it. I think your judgment is poor. When you come to this stuff and you're not realizing. I said, what you're doing is you're trying to keep the peace and you're trying to have that friendship so he doesn't take the money away. But what you don't realize you're doing is you're building hope in this guy to think we're gonna get back. We could get back together in two years like we did in the past. [01:48:01] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. And, and when, when a woman's pussy is sealed shut, like steel reinforced sealed shut, they're not thinking about the guy's mindset because, like, guys will stay in the friend zone for years on, on the vain hope. The vain hope that he'll get his foot through that steel door someday, you know? So, like, they might even, they might. [01:48:31] Speaker A: Even text you with, with other girls, friends of their, their, their, their friends, wives wanting to hook up with them just in hopes that you'll. They'll be more desirable to you, you know, to get out of that friend zone. [01:48:46] Speaker B: I was kind of thinking about that guy. Yeah, but like, but, but, you know, women, I don't know, maybe they do. It depends on the situation. But like, I think women have a hard time wrapping their mind around men's or some men's mindset in those areas. And I think the hope is like a big part of what you're saying. Like, anything that's gonna give this guy and you don't even know. Like, a woman doesn't even know what gives a guy hope. You know, it was, it was like, oh, you were driving together and you just looked at me a certain way. And I know in my Lloyds that that means something, but you weren't thinking about it that way because you're just, you're just friends. [01:49:32] Speaker A: His first week in town, they're taking the dogs to the vet together, doing. Yeah, doing couple stuff. That's what couples do. The following week, he's on call, can't Leave town. Can't leave, like, his area, but makes a stop by her place, text her when he's like 10 minutes away, I'm gonna stop by and see you, and just stops by, gets upset. That was the day that he found out I was there. And now he calls her, and she's sharing intimate hurts with him. You know, he's going from like, I want to divorce you because you've hurt me so bad, to like, hey, like, you're the only comfort I have. I want to share this with you. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like, you know, like, there's that. It is reinforcing the fact that we have so much history together, you know, and. And you know me. You know my. You know me in and out. And so I'm gonna share this with you, you know, it. It. That's cool again. And I think what she's afraid is if she tells me, yeah, I want to maintain friendship with him, I'll be out. And quite frankly, I would be out. You know, you can have a friendship that is just based on your child, but if you think you're gonna have a friendship where you're sharing hurts with him and struggles with him, where's the line in the sand? Are you gonna share my hurts? Like, our hurts and struggles are your struggles with me, your hurts with me eventually, which I don't think she will because that would maybe void the monetary option of it. You know, he might get upset and who knows, though? I don't know. But I need to know how I'm going to navigate, you know, I think it brings her comfort that me and my ex are not at a friendship level, you know, But I think if I said, hey, look, my New Year's resolution is I want to. I want to be friends with my wife, my ex wife, to where we can talk about, like, not just the kids, but, like, life in general. She'd be like, why? Well, because you and your husband do it. You and your ex husband do it. Yeah. You know, I think if the shoes on the other foot again, and I think that's what I'm gonna do if it happens again, just let her know, like, hey, I'm gonna. You know, I'm gonna follow suit with. I think you and him have a healthy relationship. And. And quite frankly, I. I want to see if I can achieve that with my ex, you know? [01:51:57] Speaker B: Well, okay. [01:51:58] Speaker A: For real. [01:51:58] Speaker B: Well, okay. We're getting ahead of ourselves because I think. I think. I think she understands where you're coming from now. And I think I Mean, we talked about her character. She's got good character. She's being honest. I think she sees where you're coming from and I, I don't think it's going to be a problem anymore. So like, we, we might be rushing ahead to, to conflicts that haven't happened yet, but. Yeah, no, I, I get what you're saying. I, I, I think I empathize with her because I would be the one who like, overshare because I'm an oversharer and I hate that about myself. [01:52:37] Speaker A: But like, let's take you and Bigfoot. Yeah, I mean, let's, let's look at a situation where your current wife for, from, from, from last year to the next 19 years, slept with a bunch of dudes, flirted with a bunch of dudes, had a bunch of different relationships to the point where you're like, and you knew about him, but you're in it for your daughter. And then finally you're like, okay, daughters, out of the house. We're done. You're gonna be like, just openly willy nilly sharing everything with her. I don't think you would, I think you'd be like, you bitch. [01:53:12] Speaker B: Well, yeah, exactly, because there's so much of a barrier that's been created through that hurt. So, so that's kind of where it's hard for me to envision it because I'm thinking, like, let's flash forward 10 years and we're just divorced but still raising a kid together. Well, I can't imagine if she asked about my dad because she knows my dad. You know, she's like friends with my dad. If she asked me about my dad, I'd probably tell her whatever she wanted to know about, you know, but like, yeah, now I gotta see it in the realm of like, all this hurts and separation. [01:53:45] Speaker A: She's asking about your dad. That's different. Hey, how's your dad? Oh, health wise, he's going downhill, yada yada, blah, blah, blah. But you wouldn't be like, he set me down the other day and just was like telling me I was such a disappointment, as a sudden it really hurt. And you know, like, we haven't talked. [01:54:01] Speaker B: Yeah, you're right, you're right. [01:54:02] Speaker A: That's, you know what I mean? That's different. Yeah, yeah, he wasn't asking about like, he was asking about her dad's health. All she had to say was, it's the same. Yeah. You know, he's always in and out. [01:54:14] Speaker B: Whatever, I get it. I, I get it. I, I just feel like I would be the one to stupidly overshare something I shouldn't have shared because like I'm. I'm likely to. About my wife to a co worker, you know, And I shouldn't do that. I know I shouldn't do that. You know? So like I, I get like being in the position of like, I shouldn't have said that. And like, you're right. I, you know, like for whatever reason, I over shared and it was inappropriate. But I kind of wanna, I want to justify what I did, you know, because I don't want to admit I was wrong. That kind of thing, you know? [01:54:52] Speaker A: Hey, two things I noticed tonight. I just noticed we never said welcome to Pseudonyms. This is our longest intro. [01:55:02] Speaker B: And we didn't pick names. [01:55:04] Speaker A: And we didn't pick names. [01:55:05] Speaker B: It's fine. I just put, I just put the boys whenever in the episode description. Whenever. We don't pick names. Oh, but you can be Clayton Kershaw and I can be Mike Trout if we want to go with the baseball thing. [01:55:22] Speaker A: I would like to be the Japanese dude. [01:55:26] Speaker B: Oh, sh. Yeah, that's great. You know what? You can have him. You can have him. Oh my gosh. I can't. I can't describe to and I. And this is gay. [01:55:37] Speaker A: And I think you should be Jim Abbott. [01:55:40] Speaker B: Who is that? [01:55:44] Speaker A: The one handed angel pitcher. [01:55:46] Speaker B: Oh, shit. I remember him. Oh yeah. I feel like Jim Abbott on a good day. When they. When I saw the announcement that Shohei signed a 10 year contract with the Dodgers, I. I was sad. Like, I wasn't even pissed. I was like forlorn. I was like, that, that's it. That's his career. He's never coming back. Like, it's not like we lost him for a year, but we might get it back. Like 7,750 million dollars for 10 years. He's gone. He's gone forever. We had it all and we blew it. We blew it, dude. We didn't even trade him. Did you even know that? We didn't trade him. We just let his contract expire and we got fucking nothing for him. It was crazy. Okay, well, I don't need to get into all that. I'm glad that you guys have him. Honestly, I'm glad he's 12 World Series with you guys because he wasn't gonna do it with us. [01:56:45] Speaker A: So I am too, man. Won a couple bets last year. That's how I got the shirt. [01:56:51] Speaker B: Nice. [01:56:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:56:54] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I think that just about covers it. [01:56:59] Speaker A: Yeah. It's been good talking to you, man. I miss you. [01:57:02] Speaker B: Yeah, this was a good one. This was a good one. I. I feel like the freestyle worked pretty well. [01:57:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I'll send you that as soon as I'm done with chapter one and two again. If I'm rewriting it, it'll probably be a couple weeks, but I'll send it back over to you. [01:57:18] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's the reason I haven't gotten into it is because I want to take notes and, like, I want to, like, draw on it and, like, like, you know, help you, like, edit it and stuff. [01:57:33] Speaker A: No, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm only sending people that are going to give me positive, like, not positive, but honest criticism. [01:57:38] Speaker B: Sure, sure. So, like, that's part of the reason that, like, I haven't just pulled it up, like, while I'm walking on my break or something and just read some of it, because I want to, like, actually get into it and give it what it deserves. So, like, that's. That's part of the reason I. I haven't gotten around to it. So I do apologize. [01:57:56] Speaker A: No worries, man. Well, I love you, brother. [01:57:58] Speaker B: I love you, too, man. [01:58:01] Speaker A: All right, man. [01:58:02] Speaker B: Well, until next week, this has been Pseudonyms. Have a good one, guys.