Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: All right. So how's your week been, man?
[00:00:03] Speaker B: It's. It's been all right.
[00:00:07] Speaker A: We'll.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: We'll get into it a little bit because of the topic that we're covering, but.
[00:00:13] Speaker A: Nice.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: I'm getting a little depressed about not finding a job and I'm lethargic and not really getting out of bed in the morning and stuff. But it's still not a terrible week, you know, it's like I'm still just hanging out with my wife and my baby all day, so it could be a lot worse.
How was your week?
[00:00:41] Speaker A: My week's been great.
[00:00:44] Speaker B: My week, dude, I'm just feeling great. I'm going to work every day, feeling great in the morning.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: I got a job. I got a great job.
No, it was.
[00:01:05] Speaker B: I'm running out of places to keep my money.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: So a couple things.
I got a.
I'm sorry, but you brought it up. I got a front on my bonus and so nice.
I was.
Was able to pay for me, my daughters and. Yeah, I'm taking the X and we're gonna fly to. I already got the reservations. Disney World, Orlando, Florida.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Awesome.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Tickets are paid for.
The. The room. All the tickets are paid for. We just got to basically take money for souvenirs and food.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: Did you end up buying a ticket for Big Country?
[00:01:51] Speaker A: I did.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: Okay. Because I know you weren't going to at one point.
[00:01:56] Speaker A: Oh, well, I bought everybody's tickets and then I told her, you have to pay me back before we leave because if you don't, I'll just change the name on the ticket and you won't be going nowhere.
Then not every daughter but the middle two were like, hey, you know, like, be really cool if you paid for mom's ticket.
[00:02:17] Speaker B: And I was like, whose side are you on?
[00:02:21] Speaker A: Well, I'm looking at him. I said, let me tell you like this. If somebody came to me and said, hey, all paid, expense cruise.
I got you a ticket. All you gotta do is pay for the flight down there.
I would gladly pay for the flight down there.
I said, but now you guys are asking me to cover. I said, dude, you know, like, it wasn't a cheap trip. I'm just asking for the plane ticket money back. That's it.
[00:02:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: I'm asking for a hotel pitch in, dinner meal pitch in, three day hopper pitch. I'm not. I'm not asking for none of that.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: So I just said, you know what?
It's already paid for. Don't worry about it. Forget it. I don't care. I'm over It. Let's just move forward.
So with that said. Yeah, that's September 14th for number four's birthday.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Nice.
Nice. What a freaking birthday. That's gonna be awesome.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
You know, I've heard it for the last, I don't know, three or four years. We never went on a family vacation like, a real one. We always went on mission trips and trips to Utah, you know, And I'm like, no, you're right. And so I always wanted to do that before they're all too, like, too grown up and gone.
So number one's going. Two, three, four. They're all going.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Sweet. Yeah, that's really cool. So the cool part is that you're gonna have a great time with your daughters no matter what.
Now, big country may or may not behave herself, and if she does, great. If she. If she doesn't, you've got stories for the podcast.
So this is a win. Win of all wins.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: There is a fear. There is a fear. Because I wanted to. I was texting number one tonight, and I said, man, I would love to catch up with you. I got some fears. You know, I've also met somebody. I said, I just kind of want to catch up on life with you. You. My fear is, I don't know.
I don't know how that's going to be on the trip, because I don't. I'm not interested. Don't want to do nothing with her. You know, she's already talking about we could do family pictures where we all wear black. And I go, I'm good. And she's like, why? Why do you have to be like that? And I said, because I'm. I'm good.
[00:04:32] Speaker B: Like, because we're not a family anymore. What?
[00:04:36] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you know what I mean? Like, what the hell? And so I did make sure we got separate rooms.
I just don't know how I'm going to engage. Like, I don't want to engage with her. I don't want to be like, hey, how's work? Oh, so that's so awesome. No, no, dude, you do you, boo. I do me.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: Well, well, the girls are there, so that's a great buffer. You don't really ever have to speak directly to her. You can answer questions.
You don't need to engage with her. It's not like you're going to be stuck alone with her at one point, need to fill an awkward silence. Like, the girls are going to be there to buffer that. So that's going to.
And then, you know, you can be nice if you need to be. But, like, there's really no pressure on you to be overboard with her, so.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: Yeah, and that's, that's kind of why I want to talk to number one. Like, hey, I'm gonna need you to engage with me a lot.
[00:05:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:25] Speaker A: You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to sit there. I don't want to be a dick on the trip and be like, hey, don't care, you know? I mean, yeah, you got your life, I got mine, you know?
[00:05:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:35] Speaker A: But at the same time, I don't want to be like, trapped, you know, where I'm like, oh, you know, cool. Like, I just don't, I don't know. Anyhow, I went and got my colonoscopy on the 31st.
[00:05:47] Speaker B: That's right. How did that go?
[00:05:51] Speaker A: It went well. So I got a follow up call on the 1st, August 1st.
And then he goes, hi, mister.
You know. Oh, what are we talking about tonight?
I mean, like, how to, how to quit doing things you don't want to do?
[00:06:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Bad habits, I guess.
[00:06:11] Speaker A: Bad habits. Who you want to be? Machine Gun Kelly. Megan Fox. Who you want to be?
It's just a song.
[00:06:20] Speaker B: I'll be Mike Shinona or Shinoda from Lincoln Park.
I'm breaking the habit tonight.
[00:06:31] Speaker A: All right, I'll be Ed Sheeran.
[00:06:33] Speaker B: But he's.
[00:06:33] Speaker A: First result that came up, he's got a song, Bad Habits.
[00:06:35] Speaker B: Yeah, he's not the one that sings that, but he's the cool black guy and I'd rather be him, so.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: Okay, so you're Mike.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: Yeah, I'll be Mike.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: How about I call you Lincoln?
[00:06:47] Speaker B: All right. Yeah, Mike Lincoln.
All right, Lincoln. My, my least favorite president.
[00:06:53] Speaker A: I'll be Machine Gun Kelly.
[00:06:54] Speaker B: Okay, you're, you're, you're Machine.
You're the, the machine. You're Machine Gun Kelly. I'm Lincoln, and we're breaking the habits.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: I don't like Machine Gun Kelly, first of all. I'm just going with it because it's. We're breaking bad habits.
[00:07:07] Speaker B: All right, that's fair, that's fair.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: All right, that's fair. Sorry, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.
[00:07:14] Speaker B: You said, hey, man, I hope we're cool.
[00:07:17] Speaker A: Kelly, I, I just called.
All right. Geez.
Yeah, man.
So I go get my, you know, they do a follow up call and they're like, you know, mister, Mr. Gun. You know, we want to just follow up. How do you know? Do you have any discomfort? You know, everything? Feel like any side effects from the anesthesia? I'M like, no, everything was good, you know, thank you for asking. She's like. I was like, how was it for the doctor? She's like, what do you mean? I was like, well, did he say anything? Because, like, I shaved and I washed with my cologne shampoo so that it all looked good and smelled good down there, which I did, you know, woke up that morning, shaved it all clean, put my cologne down there, Was like, I was. I was hoping to hear something like when I got up, like, hey, you have a nice ass. That was.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: We appreciate that here, here at Dr. Baxter's office. We really appreciate it.
We don't see a lot of bleached in our line of work. And we would just want to say.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: That'S the only thing I didn't do. And just because I was too late on the gun, you know what I mean?
But she goes.
She goes, well, you know, the only thing he said was like, you didn't, like, you didn't. You weren't fully, you know, clean or whatever in the sense of like, next time we want you to do a two day fast, you know, and drink this stuff.
And she's like, you weren't fully, like, cleaned out. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not doing a two day fast. I was like, three days prior, I did a three day fast.
That's about as good. It's gonna get.
[00:08:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: And so she was like, she was like, well, you, you had a polyp. We removed it. I was like, cool. She goes, is there anything you would like, anything you would do different, you know, next time? And I was like, yeah, actually there is. Like, I would have got the nurse's number that pushed me out in a wheelchair.
And she goes, really? And I was like, nah, I'm just playing. I said, but the nurse, the nurse that handed me the water on the way out, I would have got her number.
And she goes, serious? I said, yeah, she was cute. She was cute. And so she was like, oh, okay. Like, I don't know who that was, but, you know, I thought she was.
[00:09:31] Speaker B: Going to say that was me.
[00:09:34] Speaker A: No, no.
Hour later, she calls back.
I've been doing some digging around and I found the nurse.
And she thought you were cute too. And she said, if you want her number, it's on a business card at the front desk. And I was like, so I gotta drive all the way up there to get a business card? She's like, yeah, it's on the front desk. And I was like, how about you give her my number? Because you Know it. You keep calling me.
And she could call me. She was like, no, we can't do that. I was like, okay, how about you give me her number and I call her without having to go there? She was like, yeah, unfortunately, we can't give you out the numbers. It's just not professional. I'm like, yeah, okay. Yeah. For all these other lines we've crossed, all of a sudden, now we're professional.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. You guys were looking inside my.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: Yes. I'm like, all right, whatever.
So I gave it the weekend. Don't go up Monday.
Drive up, leave work. You know, get everybody set up at work. Go, drive up. It was 13 minutes from my job site.
Grab her business card. I'm like, okay. So she says, I'm stalking her. Hear me out.
I get back, I go straight to Instagram, look up this lady, see if I could recognize one of the pictures. First one I see, I'm like, oh, that's her. All right, cool.
So I'm like, I'll send her a friend request. So I sent her a friend request. I give it like, I don't know, half hour. I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. Their hours are 5:30 to 5 5pm 5:30am to 5pm she's got to be up. It's 7:30. I know it's early, but I. I don't want to wait. So I call her, we start talking. That was on Monday.
We talked for a little bit. We end up going to get drinks on Wednesday.
She flew out on Thursday to see her son's grad for her son's graduation from the Naval Academy and got back the following Monday.
So she.
We have dinner Wednesday.
We talk a little bit, like via text on Thursday. Oh, mind you, when we talked on Monday, like, when I first started talking to her, I had to work some graveyards at work. That's why I didn't do last week. Mm. She called me for, like. She called me like at 10 o' clock every night just to keep me company and talk to me for the first couple hours of work. I was like, this is cool.
And then so I see her for dinner on Wednesday, and then Thursday she leaves. We end up texting and like talking throughout the whole weekend.
She's with her ex husband at this time. Like they're both at the graduation, you know, and so they're kind of staying at the same Airbnb, but we're like, talking the whole weekend.
She gets back Monday, I go see her for a couple hours. I'm like, hey, you cool? Like what time you land? She's like, 12:30. I'm like, you cool if I like, come keep. Like come say hi? And she was like, yeah.
So went over to her house, kicked it with her for a couple hours. And then that was Monday and then Tuesday, you know, we texted, this is last night we texted. And then she was, she was basically like, well, I'm gonna like, sit down and watch a show. And I was like, you want company? Like my, I just put my little one down. Like, it's like, well, isn't that weird? I was like, nah, they don't see me. Like, they go to bed at 8:30. When they wake up, I'm already at work.
I was like, so they don't even know I left, you know? I was like, my older daughter's here and her boyfriend's here. I was like, so it ain't like, ain't like they're my, my 8 year old's alone, she's got two adults with her.
So she was like, yeah, I'm always up for company. So went over last night and kicked it all night and went to work this morning and kind of been talking throughout the day and I'm just really excited, bro.
[00:13:27] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:13:27] Speaker A: Excited now. However, I talked to Boston about her today and Boston was like, well, how old is she? And I was like, she's older than me.
She's 48.
Boston Nice. She goes, that's like 60 with the girls you date.
48's like, like, she's like a 60 year old compared to the other girls you date. And I'm like, yeah, but like, the cool thing is, is we seem to have a really cool connection.
She gives me, you know, like, it's not like, you know, like, she knows how to joke around.
She's competitive, which I dig, you know, I mean, like, she thinks she's right all the time. And you know, she, she, we're betting on Mike Tyson. Punch out. Like, she's like, I can get to Mike Tyson. And I'm like, I'll give you eight days. I'm like, when was the last time you played? She's like, when I was a kid, I was like, I'll give you a week with the console. You're not, you're not reaching Mike Tyson. Don't care. You're not doing it. And she's like, are you serious? I'm like, I never got past Piston Honda.
Like, how do you get into Mike Tyson? She's like, I pretty much, I think I've beat Mike Tyson before. And I'm like, I don't think you have. You must. You must have been playing, like, the game shark version or something.
So it's. It's cool, man. Yeah, cool. I'm excited.
[00:14:47] Speaker B: That's awesome. You know, I'm excited for you.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: I wasn't looking for it, but, you know when I had a colonoscopy and it found me, you know, Damn.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: In the place you'd least expect.
[00:15:01] Speaker A: I know, man. That's the funny thing. Everybody's like. They don't understand how colonoscopies work. And so they're like, what do you. Did you, like, leave your nuts? You got a big pair of balls or something that were just, like, hanging on the back of your leg or something?
I'm like, you must be hung. I'm like, she never even saw me, bro. Yeah, like, she's the head.
She's the head rn. I'm like, she never even saw me. Like, she's never even in the room. She didn't even assist me. She's asked me if I wanted to. Water on the way out.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: Nice.
I'm gonna say, man, that is why you put up the numbers that you put up, because you just.
Just on the off chance that this would ever work out, you. You just told a nurse on the phone, yeah, I liked that other nurse. I mean, like, what are the odds?
[00:15:49] Speaker A: Well, she thought I was entertaining because, like. And I didn't know this till after having a, you know, couple dates with the. The. The nurse. She goes, yeah, like, that story went around the. The office of, like, you asking if doctor, you know, so and so was pleased with. With how you presented yourself. And I'm like, yeah, I actually expected some feedback, like a thank you. You know what I mean? Like, I actually did.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: I mean, like, I. I woke up, dude. I shaved from the balls to the back. You know what I mean? Like, I even got that little patch of hair on the lower back. I got it all. Dude, it's not. It's not fun sitting in an office chair for a lot of the days with your ass hair growing back in.
You know what I mean?
[00:16:36] Speaker B: Like, I know you've been naked in a tanning bed, because I'll tell you, I've been naked in a tanning bed for this, and it was not fun.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. Like, my butt hairs are just annoying the shit out of me. Growing in. It's horrible.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Should have just narrowed it.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I expected something.
It's. It's just the fact that it's growing in. Yeah, that and Like, I don't know if you've ever shaved your. Your butthole to, like, the outside. Like, I shaved everything but, like, the slightest moist.
Moistness down there, you know, whether it's like, you're walking in Arizona heat and your bucket's a little sweaty, you think you farted, and your pants, like, it is just. It's, it's, it's. It's a, It's a sliding glide, dude. And so, like, you, I'm constantly in the restroom, like, please don't let this be. And it's nothing. It's dry.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: But because there's no hair there, it. It just feels like it's just clapping cheeks. Dude.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Have you ever seen that office episode where he calls in the gay guy and he's like, hey, so I'm having a colonoscopy next Monday.
And the guy's like, oh, my.
[00:17:53] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: Is everything okay? He's like, no, no. I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to make it more pleasurable for me or Dr. Callahan.
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I saw that one with Oscar. Yeah.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:14] Speaker A: No, it's been. It's been. It's been cool, man.
I'm. I mean, like, the cool thing is I'm. I'm open. I don't want. No, like, in the sense of, like, here's. Here's my past, here's my present.
Here's what I want to be doing. If you don't like any of that, like, now's your out.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:32] Speaker A: You know, like, I was pretty open about the things that took place in my marriage. The fact that I was an adulter, the fact that, you know, I was emotionally immature and, and, you know, some of the actions that came with that. And she was like, okay, like, you know, like, would you do any of that to me? And I'm like, no. She was like, how do you know? And then, you know, I walked through all the therapy and just, like, self evaluation and stuff that. And, you know, she was like, yeah. You know, and it's funny because, like, we'll joke around and then she'll say something. Dude. That, like, kind of catches me off guard because she gets my humor, which I enjoy, because, like, you can say some in text and, and chicks are like, are you serious? And you're like, no, I'm. You gotta explain yourself. It was a joke based on whatever you said. She'll give it back. And then I'm like.
I was like, dude, honestly, I, I. I love you.
She's. And so she goes. She goes she goes, I'll take that expression as a comfortability. And I go, that's. It's more than comfortability. I. I feel like I'm walking on clouds and the tip of my penis is tingly.
I. I love you.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: She knew the reference, so she.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: Well, I. I had to send her the. The link.
I was like. I was like, have you ever watched Step Brothers? And she said, yeah. And I sent her the link, and I was like, this is how I feel right now. And she was like, tingly or comfortability? I was like, oh, it's. It's more than comfortability.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: No, I mean, I love you.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:12] Speaker B: You're an enabler, and you are a keeper.
[00:20:22] Speaker A: Keeper.
[00:20:24] Speaker B: Okay. Playing hard to get. I get it. I get it. I don't want to seem too eager.
[00:20:32] Speaker A: Yeah, it's crazy. Some moms are like that, bro. Moms are like that. Like. Oh.
But, yeah, it's been good, man.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: So what are you. You're 42.
[00:20:45] Speaker A: I appreciate that. Is that how old I look?
[00:20:48] Speaker B: No, you look 33. But I know you're at least 40. But if you told me. Now I only know that you're not 48, based on what you just told me about this girl, if you told me that you turned 42 years ago or 10 years ago, either one of those sound right to me.
[00:21:07] Speaker A: I'm 45.
[00:21:08] Speaker B: Okay.
Because I thought I was with you on your 40th birthday.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: You might have been.
[00:21:15] Speaker B: No, that's impossible.
[00:21:19] Speaker A: Let's see.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: January of 2020.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: Separated.
Yeah. At 42 was one month separated. So you could have been. Dude. I mean, I was still. I was still.
[00:21:30] Speaker B: No, you were in Arizona five years ago.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: Years after that.
Oh, I definitely was in Arizona. But you've come and visited us in Arizona.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: No, you would have been. I. I came in 2019.
[00:21:42] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I would have been 39.
[00:21:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow.
It's really.
It's really going quickly.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: It is, man.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: I gotta come visit you and a bunch of people soon because, like, I know so many people in Arizona now.
Just moved back there.
My favorite cousin lives there.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: Do they not have a ton of kids?
[00:22:09] Speaker B: Five. They got five.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: That's what I thought I saw.
[00:22:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:14] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: Yeah. And like, the fourth time, I mean, they had been. They were done at three, and then they got pregnant at. With the fourth and they were like, yeah. I mean, we didn't really plan on this one. And I was like, so you know what sex is, right? Like, because, like, when you're talking about those two, there is the off chance that neither of them knows what it does. You know what I mean?
And then, let me ask you, the fifth one came around and it was like, you guys don't know what you're doing.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: Do you? Did you get money from your. Your sale of the house? Is that how you get.
[00:22:55] Speaker B: We didn't sell it.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: My.
[00:22:57] Speaker B: My parents are gonna rent it.
[00:23:01] Speaker A: Okay, so your parents owned it?
[00:23:03] Speaker B: Yeah, we. We co. Owned it.
[00:23:07] Speaker A: Okay, so what do you. What do you. Are you just.
Not to be too personal, you don't dance this. Are you just kind of like. Are you just getting by now right now, or you have money saved up?
[00:23:19] Speaker B: No, no money saved up.
By moving out here, our cost of living has dropped to, like, I mean, almost nothing.
The only thing we have now is like, minimum payments on credit cards and car insurance and, like, gas and stuff. So my. My parents gave me a little bit of money to float us for this month, and that covered the mortgage and all that stuff because we still don't have the house rented.
So they. They gave us money for the mortgage this month because we're, you know, so I don't.
[00:23:55] Speaker A: I don't know when I'm finishing my project. You'll probably have a job by then.
It's supposed to be like end of September.
September. October.
So maybe beginning of October, I'll be finishing my project, which getting paid out. I'll probably get paid out in November.
But I'd like to see you sooner than that, and I'd like to see you before you get a job because then it's a rush back. It's a short weekend, you know, I mean, it's a. We leave Friday, we come back Sunday.
But I'm thinking maybe mid next month if you're still not working, you just come out and visit. You and the family can stay in the room.
I sleep on the couch sometimes anyways, and then we'll just hang out for the weekend.
[00:24:38] Speaker B: Yeah, we could probably do that. I don't. I don't think my wife would. Would want to go anywhere, but I could probably slip out for the weekend.
[00:24:47] Speaker A: Why wouldn't she want to come?
[00:24:49] Speaker B: She. Well, traveling with the baby is a pain, and it just disrupts their whole routine with everything, so. She doesn't prefer it. Actually, My. My dad is going to Portland at the end of the month to see his friend, and we just realized today that his passport is expired and he doesn't have a real id, so he basically can't fly.
So then my mom was like, oh, you should take your. You should just drive with your dad up to Portland, it's only like, you know, 15 hours. And I was like, oh, yeah, totally, babe. Let's. Let's go to Portland. We'll see my cousin. We'll see Casey. Like, we'll see, you know, all my friends up there. And she was like, I'm not driving up to Portland with the baby. And I was like, why?
She's like. She gets mad on a 30 minute car ride. I'm not driving 15 hours with the baby, so whatever.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: Well, I'd love to have you out, dude. And the weekend would be on me, like if. If we would do it on a weekend that I don't have rent.
[00:25:52] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: And we could just. We could just go have some fun. Just kick back.
I'd like to do it when the weather's cooler, though. I don't want to be just stuck in an apartment with you.
[00:26:02] Speaker B: You know, I. I understand that.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: Boring.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: I understand that sentiment.
I wouldn't really want to be trapped with me either.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: Welcome to Pseudonyms.
I'm Machine Gun with my co host.
[00:26:19] Speaker B: Lincoln.
[00:26:22] Speaker A: And tonight we're talking about methods to stop bad habits.
The best way I can describe. That's how I researched it, at least.
[00:26:34] Speaker B: Yes.
Well, I'm interested to hear kind of what you think the. The most important thing is, but I'd like to start off by just saying, I think the first and foremost thing. When you're breaking a bad habit or a lifestyle or whatever it is, whatever cycle.
[00:26:56] Speaker A: Can I guess what you're gonna say?
[00:26:58] Speaker B: Yeah, I would love it.
[00:27:00] Speaker A: Okay. I only. I only want to guess because I feel like I've been hearing this a lot lately, and I feel like it's the most common response. You replace a bad habit with another habit. But a good habit.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: That was you gonna say?
[00:27:14] Speaker B: Nope. I was gonna say first and foremost, you. You need the mentality of wanting to stop a bad habit because if you're like half hearted in it, it's just really not gonna go anywhere. What were you gonna say?
[00:27:29] Speaker A: I just. I always hear that. I wanted to say like, that seems to be like. The common response is like, well, you got to replace a habit with a habit.
You know, I. It's like, that's all great, but it. You're. You're right. The first step is not saying, okay, there's a bad habit and I got to replace that. It's got to come to a point of saying, I don't want that.
[00:27:52] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I get it to a degree. I think I. I think I disagree with that. Mentality, you know, an easy one would be like, if you want to quit smoking, start chewing gum every time you want to smoke.
To me, that's just replacing a crutch with another crutch. And I mean, it's a better crutch.
It's definitely not as bad for you. It's, you know, not as socially frowned upon. So I get that.
Maybe it's temporary. Maybe that's fine. I don't know. I just wouldn't want to be in a position where I'm like, just as addicted to chewing gum as I am cigarettes. You know what I mean? Like, it just seems like I'm not really getting at the root of the issue if I just kind of replace with more.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: Chewing the gum like it owes you money and cause you're pissed.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, dude. So one time I woke up, it's when I was in school of worship, and I woke up late for my carpool, which happened only like three out of five days a week.
[00:28:59] Speaker A: But I was gonna say I thought that was pretty common.
And you're like three. And I'm like, man, I thought it was more common than three times. Yeah, you're right. I'm gone.
[00:29:08] Speaker B: See, Freezy was in my driveway to pick me up, and I woke up to the sound of his horn honking. So I'm stressed, and I was trying to wean off the. The vaporune, so I. I decided, like, I'm just gonna leave it. I, like, I just woke up, I'm gonna get dressed, grab my stuff, and I'm just gonna leave the vape home and just see how it goes.
And I remember it was Valentine's Day. For some reason. I remember that. But I.
Within an hour, it was an issue. Like, I was. I was having a bad freaking day, and I had gum in my bag, and I thought, you know, at least it's something.
I got the gum in the middle of class, and I'm chewing the gum, and I get a text from this girl in my class who's all the way at the other end of the room, and she goes, what are you eating?
Because I hear you chewing all the way over here.
So, yeah, I was bad. That was during John Randall's class. I remember that because I did not like that guy. And that didn't help.
[00:30:26] Speaker A: All right, so you're identifying. You're identifying the. The habit?
[00:30:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I mean, and you're even beyond wanting to change it. Maybe identifying that it is a bad habit maybe is first.
The first step.
[00:30:44] Speaker A: But I think you're right. You got to have the mindset that, like, this isn't gonna get me.
I'm not gonna. I don't want to do this. You know, I was talking to Stretch, and he's like, man, like, I fell again, watching pornography.
And I'm like, it sounds like you really want to stop watching pornography, but you really don't have, like, a game plan. Like, you just.
You know, you're just kind of like, I want to quit. But the first temptation that it hits you, the first time you're alone at home or whatever, you give in and then you just feel shitty. I'm like, just be, like, resolute about it. I'm not gonna do it for a month. And then don't do it for a month.
[00:31:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:23] Speaker A: You know, but if you're just like, hey, I'm just not gonna do it ever again. And the first temptation you have, I'm like, you're falling again. Like, you know, it's like, honestly, being like, I'm gonna go to war tomorrow, and I'm gonna win. And then you go. And, like, you don't even put up a fight.
You know, it's like, you're just like, I lost.
[00:31:44] Speaker B: Fuck it.
[00:31:46] Speaker A: Yeah, fuck you. You know, I fell. I'm. I'm done. You know, I don't know. I. But I think that's one of the things is.
[00:31:56] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, no, I. I agree with that totally. One. One thing, and I think we've talked about this before, like, positive thinking and affirmations and stuff like that. I'm still, like, kind of weary of those, only because I just. I think some of it's kind of pseudoscience, and some of it's kind of, like, secular, almost like law of attraction stuff.
But there do seem to be some of those things that really do work. And one of the things they teach for smokers is you have. You do not identify yourself as someone who's trying to quit smoking.
You say, yeah, you just.
[00:32:46] Speaker A: You're not a smoker.
[00:32:47] Speaker B: I am a non smoker. Because once your brain attaches to the identity that way, it's very hard for you to want to go against how you see yourself.
And if you make your identity someone who doesn't do this, then. Then it's harder for you to just give in. But if you say, like, I'm fighting a fight, I am trying to do this thing, I'm trying to change this, then it just sort of makes you someone who's struggling.
And so the. There's not as much of A will there to kind of, you know, to kind of really stand up to the temptation when it comes. Now, you mentioned. You mentioned the P word there. And that's, you know, that's one of the more common ones that we're going to talk about as Christians, because that's, you know, one.
They all do.
[00:33:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
And I'm not gonna lie. I was like, p word replace.
Okay. Yeah, porn. Okay.
[00:33:49] Speaker B: And this is something that I've. I've told.
I've told a lot of younger guys who are engaged or dating who will tell me. Like, yeah, you know, we. We were talking about how, you know, we don't want to, you know, sin this way anymore and how we don't want to fall into this temptation. And so we're kind of putting up, like, these guardrails. We have these rules.
We're not going to be alone in a car, whatever, like, all this stuff. And I just. I've. On many occasions, I've had to tell them, like, hey, be careful even discussing it, because I have often found that even getting on the topic kind of opens the door to, like, who. This would be really wrong. Right? Like, what if we did this? Oh, that's so wrong. We don't even want to do that. Like, oh, that would be so.
[00:34:52] Speaker A: It does almost lighten the load because then you come back the next day and you're like, man, we started talking about it, and then I just couldn't stop thinking about it when I got home. And there's no, like, real, like, wouldn't say, shame tied to it. But I think one of the things that I'm seeing that is beneficial for people is accountability. There's almost no accountability for it. Because you're like, oh, yeah, we were taught. Yeah, I struggled too. And I understand. I can relate.
And don't get me wrong, like, there are times where, again, I maybe watch. I maybe struggle with watching porn one to two times a month. It's not, like, it's not a huge struggle for me. Like, I know guys that are struggling with it daily. For me, I'm like, maybe one or one or two times a month, I'm like, oh, man. Like, I really want to do this. And then it's like. And there's times where I'm like, no, I'm not going to do it, and I don't do it. Other times I'm like, well, I can't really shave my shaft if it's not hard, so I gotta watch one, you.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: Know, and so gotta get ready for this colonoscopy.
[00:35:55] Speaker A: Yeah. So.
But I think accountability is a big one. I. I don't know how number one's doing it, but she posted on Instagram that she's 160 days of not drinking.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: Oh, wow.
[00:36:10] Speaker A: And I don't know if she has a problem drinking.
I never looked at her as having a problem drinking, but I don't know how she is when she goes out with her friends. Like, if it's just like, hey, like, this is what we do. But when she does these, these.
I don't know what I would call them, like, whether they're fast or not. But, like, I know she's done this before where she's like, I'm just not gonna drink for this long. And she doesn't.
But I think a lot of, A lot of assistance comes from having accountability, having someone where you're like, hey, but someone that you're honest with too. Like, that you're. Again, it goes back to what you, your mindset. If you're gonna fuck around and just tell everybody you're not struggling, well, cool. But if you're actually like, hey, I want to get rid of this bad habit. I want accountability. And you're straight up and honest Stretch is. Honest stretch is just like, hey, this happened. And I'm like, dude, you know, there's times where I'm like, when are you gonna stop? You know, I mean, and then there's other times where it's just like, hey, dude, you know, it happens. You know, just like, keep pressing, dude. Like, just, you know, maybe, maybe try for a month. Maybe try for two weeks. I don't know. But it's just. But it's also not like, ooh, so what were you watching? You know, it's not like that. You know.
Did you know that there's self awareness journals?
[00:37:36] Speaker B: Okay, no, go ahead.
[00:37:38] Speaker A: There's what?
[00:37:38] Speaker B: No, mine's kind of a change of topic.
[00:37:42] Speaker A: Oh, I do see. Self awareness journals are pretty good. And being that we are big journalers, I actually think that is a strong method to kind of document maybe the trigger. What's triggering it, you know, what, what, what popped it into your mind, you know, go down the roads of.
In relation to pornography. But I'm going to touch on a different topic as well. Relationship pornography. Is it because you're lonely? It's because you desire companionship, affection.
If it's cigarettes, you know, like, is it stress related? Is it, you know, other alternatives to this? Like, how else can you deal with your stress? Like, looking at all not only triggers, but maybe you Know, trigger mapping, but then also different routes of escape, you know? And I'm not talking about, like, throwing a piece of gum, but, you know, like, can I just address my stress without cigarettes? Can I address it before it becomes a cigarette? Need.
I will say the nurse. You know what? I gotta come up with a good name for her. We'll get there.
[00:38:58] Speaker B: Nurse Jackie.
[00:38:58] Speaker A: The nurse.
Nurse what?
[00:39:02] Speaker B: Nurse Jackie from what?
[00:39:05] Speaker A: What is that from?
[00:39:06] Speaker B: Nurse Jackie? That was Edie Falco's show. After.
After.
What was that Guido mobster show?
The Sopranos.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I'll take Nurse Jackie. It's better than Nurse Ratchet from One Flew over the Cuckoo's Night.
Nurse Jackie. What? I was. I gave her a kiss last night, and I was like, do you smoke?
And she was like, I smoke, like, a cigarette maybe every other day or so. She's like. And I had one.
[00:39:41] Speaker B: This rules.
[00:39:43] Speaker A: That's what I said.
That's why I was like, really? She goes, yeah. I go, I won't smoke when I see you. I said, but I like to have a cigarette or two at work, you know, Like, I like to have a coffee in the morning and have a smoke and let the day start.
And I was like, not some better dude, right? And I was like, but I've dated chicks that, like, hate when I smoke and, like, won't kiss me and, like, judge me. And so I was like, do you have cigarettes here? She's like, yeah, you want to go have one? Oh, my. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
[00:40:15] Speaker B: Yes.
Yes.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: Dude, I woke up this morning.
[00:40:18] Speaker B: I think you should marry her tomorrow.
[00:40:22] Speaker A: Yeah. I tried telling her that. She's.
She's. I feel like she's around the corner from it, but it was great because I woke up this morning, she made my coffee. She had a cigarette sitting next to my coffee. She had some. Some aspirin and Tylenol. I was like, what's that for? She's like, you know, just in case, like, you have a headache or something, you know, because you didn't get a lot of sleep. And I'm like, I'm good. And she's like, all right, well, let's go out back and have a cigarette and drink her coffee. And I was like, this is awesome. This is awesome, man. It's 4 in the morning. What a great day. Having coffee and cigarette.
[00:40:54] Speaker B: Man, I can't even get a coffee out of this one.
[00:40:58] Speaker A: You know what I mean?
[00:40:58] Speaker B: But a cigarette barista, No, I will. I will say she's been very patient with me while she gets up with the baby at 6, and I sleep until 11, but she wakes me up every morning with a cup of coffee now, which is very nice.
[00:41:16] Speaker A: So I just want to just. I just. I just. I just need clarification. All right, you had a job.
You got up early, provided for the family, if you will, and break it down.
[00:41:31] Speaker B: Break it down.
[00:41:32] Speaker A: You. You had to wake up in the morning to deal with the baby.
You also had to make your own.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: Sometimes.
Yeah.
[00:41:39] Speaker A: But now.
[00:41:39] Speaker B: Sometimes now.
[00:41:42] Speaker A: Now that you aren't working, she's just like, I'll get the baby, sweetheart. You sleep in, and I'm gonna wake you up with coffee. That. It took all this to get. To get that.
[00:41:57] Speaker B: The timeline there is a little muddy.
For the last.
At least all of this year, the baby was sleeping later than me, so I was getting up at, like, 6 and not dealing with the baby at all. The baby would sleep till at least 7:30, and then I got to work at 7, so I was not waking up with the baby anymore, but she was also not awake. So, yes, I was making my own coffee. But, yeah, she's been making coffee for me ever since we got back because she's up.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: When did we start this podcast?
[00:42:36] Speaker B: January, I think.
[00:42:39] Speaker A: That's what I thought. I thought it was January. Ish.
[00:42:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, so I guess I did. I did mention that I was getting up with the baby, so maybe just here and there if the baby woke up early on a rare occasion.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: Well, it wasn't a lot. I'm glad to know Mrs. Set her straight.
[00:42:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:01] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: Now you're really gonna let my husband get up at the crack of 11 without a cup of coffee? You get in there, you give him his coffee. Did you see Queen enabler?
The queen enabler.
Oh, did. Is that what I said?
[00:43:19] Speaker A: Yeah, you really.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: That would have been so much funnier if I didn't mess it up. You're really gonna let my son.
Let me. Okay, so from the top, number one, people. Go back to number one.
[00:43:33] Speaker A: You really gonna let my son wake up at the crack of noon and not have a hot cup of coffee?
[00:43:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah. And bring us. Bring us in on a plate, too.
The doctor is Zinn.
[00:43:52] Speaker A: What were you gonna change the subject on, though? You had something you were gonna bring up before I brought it up.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: Oh, you know what? It turns. It turns out it actually was not a huge jump from what you were saying about self awareness, because you were talking about identifying the trigger.
This right here, this thing I'm reading from, not something I know off the top of my Head habits are stored in the basal ganglia and once formed, they just run on autopilot. So there's something called a habit loop that goes cue, routine, reward. And so once your brain gets into a habit such as smoking, some cue comes up where you want to smoke, you go through the routine and you get the reward.
And so changing that psychologically essentially starts with identifying the cue.
[00:44:47] Speaker A: They do say plan for slips, like, allow slip ups, like, and also don't let those slip ups erase your progress.
Which I would agree to, I would agree to because you know those moments where I do end up falling into like watching a something because, you know, I was aroused by someone or you know, and then I'm like, oh, now I'm thinking about like, oh, what? You know, and I go and slip up.
I don't necessarily beat myself up for it. Like some do, I know some that are like, they feel horrible, they feel shame. And I'm like, I don't like that I did it. But I'm not gonna wallow in that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, like they said, learn from the laps, figure out what did I like. For instance, fourth July, I was excited to go have some beers and stuff, sit by the pool, but because I wasn't where I am now, I had more of a gut.
I didn't want to eat in the morning, I didn't want to go down bloated.
So I just figured just start drinking, right? And like, I don't know, I passed out, you know, didn't enjoy fourth July at all.
And then, But I learned from it the next day. Okay, like you got a little too, too excited. You've done this before. You know, you slept through a whole Kevin Hart friggin comedy stand up because paid $500 for a ticket just to sleep through the whole fucking thing because you got excited and got drunk on gin.
But I had to like step back and kind of evaluate it and be like, okay, well next time maybe be more precautious.
[00:46:32] Speaker B: Well, look man, it's, it's not.
[00:46:37] Speaker A: Man.
[00:46:37] Speaker B: I'm trying to compare it to something. It's not like a sport where we're gonna either win or not, you know, it's like we've, we've been bought by the blood, you know, and that kind of changes how you view this whole thing, you know, this is not like the end of the world because you slipped up. I mean, your sins are paid for.
It's, you know, it's, it's come, it should be coming from a genuine Heart of not wanting to do that thing anymore. So there's no point in beating yourself up over a slip up, you know, you're not, you're not perfect. That's the whole point, you know. Yeah, not going to be.
So it's almost dishonoring to the cross to even, you know, look at it that way where it's like I fucked everything up because. Oh yeah, yeah. I mean it's paid for by the blood, yada yada. But you know, I mean it's, that's not how it is for us, you know.
[00:47:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I get that. I get that. What do you think about like having some type of tracker calendar?
You know, an app that marks your days of success? You put a little X on it or something?
[00:47:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I have a habit tracker in my journal that keeps track of like meditation, prayer, whether I read my bible, whether I did schoolwork, all that stuff. And it's mostly failure.
It's a tracker of failure.
A lot of empty dots.
[00:48:17] Speaker A: You have some of the best outlooks.
But like if I didn't know you the way you kind of like, like you could totally turn this around. You could totally, according to your lack of success, you could totally be just a miserable dude.
But you're not, you know what I mean? Like you have such a great attitude and you're like, yeah, it's just a tracker of failure, you know.
[00:48:50] Speaker B: So what you're saying is I have every right to wallow in self pity because I'm such a loser.
And it's inspiring that I don't.
[00:49:00] Speaker A: Yeah, like I don't see you as a loser. I, I think you're harder on yourself than anybody else. But the fact that you're like, yeah, I've never saw you as a loser. I actually think you're a genuinely good guy. Like, I actually think you're a really good guy. I'm honored to, to be considered your friend actually. Man, you have a good head on your shoulders. Your parents did good. Your parents did good, man.
[00:49:23] Speaker B: Somehow I don't know.
[00:49:24] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:49:25] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, probably.
[00:49:31] Speaker A: It does have a thing that says change your environment.
So like remove the triggers. You know, if you're trying to, you know, quit late, like late night snacking, keep snacks out of the house. That is something I do do, do do. Yeah, that is something I, I, I do. Like I, when I go to the store, I intentionally won't buy things that I like to snack on because I know I'm gonna those things up.
I will buy snacks for number four But I won't buy like the cookies I like because I know first late night on the weekend, I'm, I'm eating that box, you know?
[00:50:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:50:15] Speaker A: And sometimes it causes friction in the house because if I don't get to the box and they're already gone, I get a little annoyed. Like, okay, I thought, I thought I bought those guys and I didn't get one. You know? Like.
[00:50:30] Speaker B: I, I will say that living here with six adults, shit goes missing pretty quick.
I mean, I want to say damn near 12 beers have gone without me drinking them.
But the one thing that has really rocked my world is that I, I bought two of the tiny little Pinterest ice creams.
It's blueberry cheesecake ice cream from Trader Joe's.
It's the most amazing ice cream I've ever had in my life.
I bought two of them and I, I walked into my room and my wife was almost done with one of them and she gave me the last three bites and I said, okay, whatever, there's one more.
No, there wasn't. And she didn't need it. So someone else, someone else got to my ice cream.
[00:51:29] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't, I don't know how I would deal with that, bro. I don't know how I would do that because ice cream is, is my weak spot, bro.
You know? Yeah. I actually found banana fudge bomb at, by Blue Bell in the store. And I was like, dude, like I love banana ice cream. Especially with fudge.
Reminds me of my childhood.
[00:51:49] Speaker B: And that sounds amazing.
[00:51:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I bought a big tub of it.
My daughter's boyfriend loves banana. He also likes ice cream and like, but he is so like, hey, I'll just take like a spoon of it, babe. Like, I don't, I don't want a lot. I'm like, dude, eat it, bro. Like, I get it. I get. Eat it, dude. Like, there's more at the store. We get more at the store. Just, just enjoy yourself, you know?
[00:52:13] Speaker B: There's more at the store. So you would say to a little.
[00:52:16] Speaker A: Kid, while I enjoy the fact that he likes banana. Cuz not everybody likes banana. Like, no one in my family like banana candy. I love banana candy.
The wrong banana runs. Not everybody likes those. They're not for everybody. Laffy Taffy. Not everybody likes those.
I like them, you know?
[00:52:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:52:35] Speaker A: So when I find a co banana lover, I'm like, hey dude, I get it. Dude. Either eat it up.
Yeah. Hey, what do you think about adding friction to your, to your bad habit?
[00:52:51] Speaker B: Give me an example.
[00:52:53] Speaker A: If you smoke Cigarettes make it so that maybe in your scenario they're in the baby's room so that you don't go in there during the baby's sleep time, or you kind of hide them up in the attic after every cigarette when you're done. So therefore, you have to fucking work for it next time you a cigarette.
[00:53:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I've never had a lot of success with that kind of thing because I'll work for it, depending on the habit.
You know, junk food has been as simple for me as. Just don't buy it, you know, like you said before.
But, yeah, if there's something that I really, really want, it doesn't matter what much what obstacle I put in my way. But I think for some people, that probably works.
[00:53:47] Speaker A: I think it works for the first time. Again, it's the mindset, you know, for me, it might work for the first time, but if I go for that thing twice in one day, best believe it's not going back up there.
[00:54:01] Speaker B: Yeah, no, because then it's just, well, what's the point of this?
I'm doing this anyway.
Yeah.
Let's see, man. So we identify the cue. So what would you. I mean, how would you really identify a trigger or a cue?
I mean, I guess we talked about it. It's like maybe you're stressed, so you want to have a cigarette. Maybe you feel lonely, so you look at the. The p.
But I don't know, man, it's just. I'm not as good at kind of identifying what that is, you know, if we wanted to use the first example, it's like I hate the feeling of not being on nicotine, and that's the end of the story, you know, so it's like, it's not much of a cue, you know, it's not much of a trigger.
[00:54:53] Speaker A: So I don't know, man. They. They, you know, they have.
They have two different things, you know, they have the. The tapering method, micro commitments, you know, you know, like, oh, just. Just go today, just today. You know, tomorrow's a whole new day. We can start just today again.
And then they have the, you know, the. Reduce the frequency and intensity by, you know, by smaller bits. But then you have the. The cold turkey method, you know, where it's just like, oh, this is too much.
I think at the end of the day, I think what you're saying is right.
You have to evaluate your mindset. Where are you at with this? What do you want to do?
I.
I do think there's a place for replace habit with habit. With a habit, but maybe a positive habit of. Well, instead of smoking, you know, I'm going to do 10 push ups. It's beneficial, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's giving my health, you know, or whatever it may be. But I don't, I do agree that it can't be another crutch, you know, Like, I'm gonna stop smoking. I'm gonna, I'm gonna vape instead of smoking a cigarette.
[00:55:59] Speaker B: It's, you know, that's even worse.
[00:56:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna Zen pouch instead of, of vaping.
That's not as bad as vaping, but at the same time, you're not benefiting your gums, you know?
[00:56:13] Speaker B: No.
[00:56:14] Speaker A: So I don't know, man. I think when it comes to wanting to quit a habit, you kind of have to sit down. And I think, I think the proper steps, which I might start implementing with some of the guys I talk to is one.
How bad do you want to stop? You have to figure that out. Are you committed or are you not committed? If you're not committed, don't be so hard on yourself. Just know that you're, you know, you're a beater offer.
[00:56:39] Speaker B: If you're a filthy, perverted little penis polar.
[00:56:48] Speaker A: If, if you, if you want to stop. Yeah, maybe you do need to sit down and journal about your triggers and, and, and not even. Like, I think journaling is good because I think pulls a different part of your brain, you know, like it's, it's working a different muscle where you're visually seeing the words. It's easier to memorize.
You're actually having to write out a sentence and figure out how you're gonna formulate that sentence to, to get the idea out.
And then, you know, look at your triggers, but also look at just some introspect. Where am I at with this? Why don't I want to do it? You know? What, what are the negatives to this? You know? And, and I only use pornography just because I see so many men, like, talk about the struggle with it, which.
It's ridiculous. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I, I talked to somebody like L. If you remember who Elle is. Played board games.
[00:57:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yep.
[00:57:52] Speaker A: That guy had a tug one out before he went to sleep every night. Like he couldn't sleep without just dropping a beat.
And I'm like, I don't get that. I can't, I don't understand it. I really don't. Like, you need to sit down and actually like, start figuring out why the hell that is something you do, you know?
[00:58:17] Speaker B: And I think, yeah, I mean that.
I mean that would almost.
Could almost be like the same as someone who can't fall asleep without a beer or something.
Even something minor like that. Just like there's an old Doug Stanhope bit where he talks about how he tried to sleep sober. And he's like. Because that's, that's when the mental carnival really kicks into high gear and everything goes nuts. And he's like, you know, I'm. I'm. I've got a song stuck in my head and. And I'm thinking about my ex wife and we didn't start the fire. Well, surely something rhymes with orange. Orange cor.
Just like on and on. And it's like, yeah, if you're like mentally like that out there, than like you need a beer or something to go to sleep. I get that. But like, is that an addiction to, you know, pulling the pud or is that. Is that. Is there something mentally going on where, like you're. You don't want to face your quiet thoughts alone in bed without some kind of self soothing before, you know, and.
[00:59:24] Speaker A: That'S kind of what I think it is. I think it's a soothing method. So what do you need? You know, And I've been there before. That's why I started smoking weed. I didn't like to sit there and have all these thoughts running through my head and then I'm worked up. And so honestly, there are times where I put on music.
There's times where I force myself to kind of just think about something else. And what I mean by that is like sometimes I'll just go back to a moment in my childhood where I was riding my bike in the morning. Morning. Listening to Rex in effect.
I just remember being a nice breezy morning. I was riding my bike. There was no cars on the street. It was just. It was nice. Man, it's brisk.
It was. I was riding down Trabuco. What's. What's before Tribuco? Geronimo.
[01:00:12] Speaker B: What's what?
[01:00:14] Speaker A: North side of El Toro High School.
Is that.
[01:00:17] Speaker B: Oh, Truco. And is that Rockfield?
Those are parallel streets.
[01:00:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Geronimo. It's probably Geronimo. It's the street. If you're going up El. It's the main street that El Toro High School's off of. But before Truco, it's the backside of El Toro.
[01:00:38] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. So it'd be like Ridge Route and Geronimo. That area.
[01:00:42] Speaker A: Yeah. I was riding down Ridge route in Geronimo and I just remember. And so sometimes in bed, that's where I go. I just think of that morning.
Other times, I try not to think about the future.
I don't. I try not to think about the past because they work up emotions sometimes, dude, I just start talking to myself like, wow, that was a lot.
[01:01:04] Speaker B: That was disturbing.
It got stuck in my mustache.
[01:01:11] Speaker A: Sometimes I just pray, dude. I just start praying and. And next thing you know, I'm out, you know.
[01:01:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:01:17] Speaker A: How can I pray for somebody else's needs? Who else needs prayer? And I'm out. But yes, I could see. Thinking about tomorrow can cause anxiety. Thinking about the past can invoke any emotion that whatever past thought you're thinking of, whether you got bullied or divorced or, you know, whatever, could bring up different emotions for sure.
[01:01:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
So, I mean, that would be so. Yeah, that. So it could be challenging to identify a trigger because it might not be as simple as just wanting the thing. It might be psychologically connected to something else. And that's going to take some work to figure out if it's not obvious.
[01:02:02] Speaker A: But I think with that, you can also.
Even if you can't get to the. To the. To the root of it, you could come up with a substitute plan. You could come up with, like, ideas to pass it. Hey, when this happens, instead of this, maybe pick up a book and read it. Maybe turn on espn. Like, you know, not a lot of people in those moments want to call somebody, you know, you usually hooked on, like, oh, you know, I want to do this again. It goes back to mindset. How bad do you want to get rid of this, this, this habit? How bad do you want to tackle this? How bad do you want to get, you know, get rid of this? I don't care to get rid of smoking.
I don't want to be a smoker every day, like a pack a day, like I was. Therefore, I don't buy cigarettes.
So if I can't bum one in the morning, I'm not having a cigarette.
There have been mornings where I go around to everybody on my job site. Hey, man, you a smoker? No. Good for you, bro. Proud of you, man.
And that's great, you know?
[01:03:11] Speaker B: Yeah, it.
Have you heard the myth that it takes 21 days to form a new habit? Yes.
Yeah. So it turns out it's actually 18 to 254 days.
That's not what you want to hear at. At the beginning of a. Of A.
[01:03:33] Speaker A: As low as 18.
[01:03:35] Speaker B: Yeah, it says 18 to 254, depending on the habit or the person.
[01:03:43] Speaker A: Here's the thing.
I don't know what science developed that, but it seems pretty loosey goosey.
Yeah, I mean, I could see like 200 to 254. We're okay. Long road ahead of us.
18 days to 254.
[01:04:02] Speaker B: Well, I think because it depends on what the habit is. So like if someone's trying to quit smoking, that could be like a 200 day thing. But if someone's trying to wake up earlier, it might only take like 18 days to get that cycle going.
[01:04:17] Speaker A: They should maybe break it up into categories.
[01:04:20] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. That's just a little disagree.
[01:04:22] Speaker A: That's just a little loose, dude. I mean, you imagine you're like, hey, bro, just give it 18 days, you'll be good. And. But, but if you find yourself on the 19th day still struggling, know that you might have to go another 200 and you know, 37 days, you know.
[01:04:44] Speaker B: It'S like, dude, yeah. I wouldn't want to be thinking about that that many days at the very beginning.
[01:04:53] Speaker A: I mean, the only, the only, the only hope I find in that is. Well, it's under a year.
Yeah.
[01:05:02] Speaker B: A year from now, you will be a completely different person. Much less happy, but better, you know?
[01:05:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about rewarding your successes? I don't know.
I feel like when it comes to porn, like that's a reward in and of itself.
[01:05:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
So the only way, the only way I could really reward this.
Yeah, dude, I watched. I don't remember. I don't know why I remember this, but I.
For some reason, when I was a kid, they would play the E. True Hollywood stories and they would play them, they would rerun the same ones over and over again. And I saw Drew Barrymore's like three times.
And when she was a kid, like 14 to 19 years old, she. She had a really bad drug problem.
And I just remember the narrator saying this. She achieved six months of sobriety and she decided to celebrate with a joint.
And I just, since I was a little kid, I've remembered that phrase and just thought, that doesn't make any sense.
What are you talking about?
[01:06:29] Speaker A: I don't know what this really means. So maybe we could jump into it.
Stack your habits.
Okay.
What would you think of if you heard that?
[01:06:44] Speaker B: Stack your habits.
[01:06:47] Speaker A: I don't know.
[01:06:48] Speaker B: I have no idea what that means.
[01:06:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't either, man. And some of the things I'm seeing as, as it's return stuff is.
Oh, it's, it's more or less break your habit. I don't even know what does it mean to stack your habits? Habit stacking is a practice of building new habits into, onto existing rituals to make meaningful changes in your day to day life. Okay, that makes sense. So you're like, okay, it's kind of like atomic habits where, you know, he says, hey, look, you know, you have a goal of being healthier. So instead of just going all out, just start by drinking a glass of water each morning.
Just, just have a glass of water. Just have a glass of water. Once that becomes like a regular thing for you, add a new small habit. You know, have a glass of water and do a breathing technique.
You know, every, you know, that's the first thing you do in the morning. Have a glass of water, do a breathing technique, and then you just keep adding and stuff. Stack. That makes sense. I just never heard of habit stacking.
[01:07:57] Speaker B: Yeah, I'd never heard of that either.
But it kind of goes along with everything else that it kind of goes with like replacing a habit with another habit. It kind of goes along with like identifying a trigger.
You know, it's like that's kind of.
[01:08:12] Speaker A: The problem side of the coin though that we're not looking at is not every habit is bad.
Yeah, you know, like there are habits maybe you want to start that you're not doing, I. E. Exercising, running or eating healthier or, you know what I mean? Like, there are also good habits, I guess. I, you know, like journaling is, is. It's a discipline, but it can be a habit to somewhere they just, you know, write out their, their shit.
So I guess like there's a flip side of this is how do you start new habits? And that's I guess, where the habit stacking or atomic habits would come in. Where, you know, you start little by little.
So if we reverse engineer starting a habit to end a habit, you would do it little by little.
So maybe instead of watching the.
Smoking the whole cigarette, like me, I don't, I don't smoke a whole pack anymore, but I smoke a cigarette like, like a day if I want one. Some days I don't smoke and you know, they're on the weekend. I don't smoke at all and I don't have any problems with it.
Maybe instead of watching the whole video, you just watch the first 30 seconds, you know, and if you don't, if, if you don't let it go by those 30 seconds, well, I'm sorry, pal. You might want to pick this up tomorrow, you know?
[01:09:35] Speaker B: All right, let me.
Let me counter that offer with the last 30 seconds of the video.
About that. Can I do that?
[01:09:48] Speaker A: That's the best 30 seconds there. When I do. When I do dabble, I go to the end of the video.
Yeah, I go to the end of the video.
[01:10:00] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if she's not actually acting scared, then that I gotta find a new one.
I'm not on patrol.
[01:10:12] Speaker A: I will say. I will say in those moments where I am just like, I need to do this, dude. I'll waste, like, a good 45 minutes looking for the right video.
[01:10:23] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. It's worse than Netflix.
[01:10:25] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. And, like, my phone battery is like, you got 12%? And I'm like, already 12.
All right, now we're just. Now we're just like Bill Clinton this thing, you know? Like, you come here, you know.
[01:10:41] Speaker B: The Mission Impossible music starts playing.
Hilarious.
[01:10:52] Speaker A: I used to do that as a kid, man. I'd be like, bars closing.
Next one that comes in, that's the one I'm rolling the dice on. That's the one I'm rolling the dice on. I gotta go home.
[01:11:04] Speaker B: The.
The comedian Louis J. Gomez was saying on a podcast that when he was a kid, the game he would play, he would challenge himself. He's watching tv, just normal tv. And he had to beat off to whoever was on the TV screen.
So it might be Mrs. Huxtable from the Cosby Show.
Might be Sabrina the Teenage Witch. It might, but. But he never got to choose. It might be Golden Girls. Ah, well, you gotta.
[01:11:37] Speaker A: Dude, I'm not. I'm not gonna lie. That takes some mental.
[01:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:11:42] Speaker A: Toughness. Mental toughness. For sure.
For sure.
[01:11:46] Speaker B: Yeah. Or a crippling sex addiction, which I think is more in line with.
[01:11:50] Speaker A: With him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For guys like us, we were like, yeah, that ain't happening.
[01:11:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
Nope. That Google search is going to have young in the title. If it's Golden Girls.
[01:12:04] Speaker A: Golden Girls. At first I was like, you gross.
Young. And you're like, if it's Golden Girls. Okay. All right, Makes sense now. It makes sense. Yeah.
[01:12:22] Speaker B: Yeah. So, I mean, starting a new habit, most important. I mean, obviously, again, it's like, wanting to start this thing is the most important thing, and then, like, you know, really forcing yourself to do it. But I would say for me, getting it done first thing in the morning is the most important thing, because, like, if. If I don't get something done first thing, there's no guarantee that it's gonna Happen, you know?
[01:12:51] Speaker A: Yeah, there's. Yeah, like for the. For me going to the gym, I'd prefer in the morning because there are some days I'm just drained after work and I'm like, no, we ain't going today.
I think someone looking at number ones, trying to relate, I guess I should say, to number ones, like not drinking.
I know when we lived in El Toro in the halfway house. Not that we lived in a halfway house, but we were called the halfway house just because of all the people that lived there.
You'd get home from work and everybody's on the patio smoking cigarettes.
Well, part of one of the. One of the things to this is change your environment.
And yeah, if you're trying to quit smoking, it's going to be hard to quit smoking in a house full of smokers, you know, And I'm thinking of number one. It's like, how. How to relate. I don't necessarily think she's changed her environment, which just says more about her mental toughness.
But I know for me, if, you know, like when.
If I don't want to smoke weed or I'm not going to go around people that smoke weed, you know.
[01:13:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah, that's.
[01:14:01] Speaker A: So I think some.
[01:14:02] Speaker B: Especially. Especially if they don't care.
[01:14:05] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think some instances would. Would say you have to change your environment.
You know, if you're around a bunch of video gamers and you're trying to hit the gym. Well, if your addiction is video gaming, well, good luck with that. It's almost like the same thing. Get up in the morning and do it.
[01:14:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
This is a pretty good turn of phrase on the point you made earlier about relapse being normal. And just learn from the relapse.
Think of it as data, not defeat.
That's great. Little alliteration.
[01:14:44] Speaker A: That actually is. I think I'm going to use that when talking to these guys. Use it as data.
Research in the sense of, hey, you know, it happened. How'd it happen? Okay, you were home alone. You know, look at the app. Like, for me, one of my triggers in wanting to like, you know, doodle my dangler is like, I'm home alone.
Because as a kid, that was the only. Like, when my parents were gone, I'm like, hell, yeah. I can actually go through like all these. You know, we had VCRs, bro. Like you. There was rewind time. There was fast forward time. There wasn't like, swipe, swipe, swipe. There was like, gotta find the spot. Then I got to get it back to Being rewound all the way before they get home. So, like, the next person that puts this VHS in isn't, like, right on my spot. Like, whoa. You know, I mean, like. And so, like, when all my kids are gone, Yeah, I. You know, I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I. Can I go sit on the couch and do this? I could be naked. I've. I've been raised with sisters and daughters. Like, you know, I was telling the nurse, I'm like. She's like, how do you sleep? I said, with shorts and a shirt.
Because I've been raised around girls my whole life.
I never got the luxury of just, you know, letting the meat swing. It was like, I had to have that, you know, buckled up. You know what I mean? So I've always slept in sweater, and I'm not sweater, shirt, and shorts. It's just how it is, you know? And I'm comfortable in it. It's kind of weird for me when I sleep naked.
For some reason, I get chubs. Why? Because.
[01:16:21] Speaker B: Yeah, me too.
[01:16:22] Speaker A: I'm not used to it just laying on the leg or just flopping to the side in between the leg and the belly. You know what I mean?
Like, not used. That feels. Feels kind of good, you know? Yeah.
[01:16:35] Speaker B: And there's no barrier.
There's no obstacle.
Yeah, I know I keep bringing up comedians, but that's my whole philosophy in life. But Shane Gillis had a joke about when you go from being your mom's best friend to hating your mom, and it's probably when you start jacking off, because it goes from, oh, sweet, mom's home, to, when is this bitch gonna leave the house?
[01:17:03] Speaker A: Yeah, I've heard that one.
Dude, I thought he.
He's a special comedian, the way he delivers his lines.
If it doesn't get a laugh like he is. He's like. He's, like, joking with your friend where he's like, oh, no, we're. We're just. We don't. We don't think. We're just gonna ignore that. We just think it's not funny. Like, we're just gonna let that one go. It's like, I loved his esp. His sp.
[01:17:31] Speaker B: Oh, that was great monologue. Yeah, dude.
[01:17:35] Speaker A: And the fact.
[01:17:35] Speaker B: I hope so. Hey, I hope Shohei's interpreter didn't bet on him being here tonight.
That was great.
[01:17:44] Speaker A: I love when he brought his friend's wife and was. That was WNBA player, so and so. And, like, everybody clapping. He's like, you actually clapped. That was my friend's wife. Like, just goes to show, we don't know anybody. WNBA players, like, oh, so great is genius.
[01:18:02] Speaker B: Yeah, he's. He's funny, but when he bombs, he really bombs. That's. That's the other the problem.
[01:18:08] Speaker A: Does he. Have you seen him bomb?
[01:18:11] Speaker B: Yeah, he never does great on Saturday Night Live.
[01:18:15] Speaker A: Really?
[01:18:16] Speaker B: Yeah, because it. First of all, the audience at Saturday Night Live is all like, young, liberal people, and he especially has baggage there because he was fired from snl.
[01:18:28] Speaker A: Yes, he was. Yeah.
[01:18:29] Speaker B: So, like. So like, it's just dialed in to the game immediately is we have to hate this guy. So, like, he. You can even see, like, the band members scowling at him behind him and stuff, you know? But he still does.
[01:18:42] Speaker A: All right. Saturday Night Live.
[01:18:44] Speaker B: Yeah, he's done it twice.
[01:18:46] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
He seems like.
[01:18:48] Speaker B: Which must be.
[01:18:49] Speaker A: Well with it.
[01:18:51] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
And, man, I can't imagine the vindication that he must have felt after being fired to go back and host twice. Like, that must have been awesome.
[01:19:05] Speaker A: Here's one dude, I really enjoy, Gary Owens.
[01:19:11] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not. I'm not super familiar with him. I know. I watched one of them with you.
[01:19:17] Speaker A: He's big. Like, he's. Look him up on Tick Tock because it just gives, like, his matt rife, like, good moments.
[01:19:24] Speaker B: You know what I remember, dude? So he's like super wiggery, right?
So after.
Yeah, he had a really cringe moment after Kobe died and Ari Shaffir made a joke about it online. And there was. I mean, one of the largest cancellation attempts I've ever seen in the world was over Ari Shafir talking about Kobe Bryant and Gary Owens, which is just so dishonorable to go after a comedian for a joke when you're a comedian. Like, just what a piece of.
[01:20:11] Speaker A: Yeah, but. But it was. Here is.
Is a line walker, bro. The amazing racist.
[01:20:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:20:19] Speaker A: I mean, man, hilarious that you're just like, it's, it's. It is if you can. It is, but it isn't.
[01:20:28] Speaker B: It is, but it isn't.
[01:20:29] Speaker A: I mean, the dude, the dude uses some stuff where it's like, man, these, like you walking up with a cross to a gas station asking for some gasoline. Like, some of those old dudes have witnessed that shit and it's.
[01:20:45] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, that's.
That's true.
But I just remember Gary Owens.
Well, I never thought about it that way. He was doing that shit in la. No one saw shit in la.
That one where he. He picks up all the day laborers at Home Depot and drops them off at the INS office.
He talked about that. He's like, guys, that was a bank.
Like it wasn't real.
But Gary Owens was on a podcast and he. Or it was a tweet or something. I don't know, it was a video of him and it was just so cringe and he was just like, I don't know, man. I can feel something in the air. Like black people, when they really put their minds to something, it's gonna happen.
And you know, like, I really feel like this backlash against Ari Shafir and all this stuff, like, you know, people like black people are really coming together and I just love to see it. It was just like, dude, shut up. It was a joke.
What are you talking about?
[01:21:55] Speaker A: Yeah, he's got some, he's got some good bits. Like, it's not his bits, his is, it's his, his improv.
Like, you know, when there's an interruption at his, his stand up because he's not doing, I don't know whatever happened to him, but he's not doing big clubs, he's not doing like sold out venues. He's doing like improvs and Comedy Factory and you know, Laugh Factory.
[01:22:19] Speaker B: I'm sorry, can you give me a minute?
[01:22:23] Speaker A: Got.
[01:22:27] Speaker B: They miss you. They talk about you a lot.
[01:22:30] Speaker A: I would say bring your dad out here when you can't come, but I don't trust that.
No, no, like, like my neighbors would be like, hey, you have somebody on your balcony just staring at me. And I'd be like, yeah, it's. That's, that's. So that's Stew.
[01:22:47] Speaker B: Yep. He just got out.
[01:22:50] Speaker A: Yep. Watch yourself.
So, you know, I think we, we covered a lot of good points tonight, man.
You know, some important things to just recap, journal about it kind of figure out some, some in some self introspect of why what triggers, what can we do instead of what's. What's the again going with the triggers. What's. What's causing this? What can be the void? What can I do in comparison of. Don't go it alone.
Gosh, man, I already forgot it. What is it? Disappointment Data.
[01:23:28] Speaker B: It's data not defeat.
[01:23:31] Speaker A: Data not defeat is a good, good one to look at, prepare for slip ups and maybe have some type of.
Some of type some type of follow up on the slip ups. And then on the flip side of the coin, if you're trying to start positive habits, you know, take little steps and implement little by little. You know, I think sometimes when you start positive habits, you can go at it so. Fucking gung ho. Which Again, is almost replacing a habit with a habit, which is like, kind of what you were saying. Like, you go from crutch to crutch. But replacing a good habit with a bad habit can also seem like work, where it's just like, this is a chore. You know what I mean? Like, when you're trying to start hitting the gym, sometimes just go and do a little bit of a workout till you start getting into the groove of things instead of trying to go and hit a two hour sesh, you know? Yeah, great. You did a two hour sesh, but now you don't want to go for the rest of the week, you know?
You zoning out on me, bro? What's going on?
[01:24:34] Speaker B: Yeah, man, they are yelling in the kitchen and running the ice maker, and I just. I'm just zoning out, thinking about my baby waking up.
She's sleeping in her room. I just can't believe the level of noise I'm hearing out in that room. It's crazy.
I'm looking at.
[01:24:59] Speaker A: Staring dead into the camera. Just lifeless, bro.
[01:25:04] Speaker B: Like, I completely zoned out. It was. I went somewhere else.
I went to a fantasy of homicide.
[01:25:15] Speaker A: Actually.
Not gonna lie. Pretty sure I saw death in those eyes. Like, you were just staring, like.
I don't know, man. I don't. You were contemplating something. Something hard, bro. And I was just like, he's not even hearing the podcast right now. Like, what is going on in this kid's head?
[01:25:30] Speaker B: Well, you know, you. You got quiet, and I. I immediately was like, oh, I wasn't listening. Was that a question? And then you were like, you zoned out.
[01:25:41] Speaker A: You looked at me, you're like, huh? Yeah, no, that.
All right, man, go handle your family stuff, man. I love you.
[01:25:53] Speaker B: I appreciate it.
[01:25:55] Speaker A: You know, let's figure out something for next week during the call. Try and get this on there. I'll. I'll do all the.
I'll listen to this one and make sure I get any call outs on names and stuff, because we end up throwing out a lot.
[01:26:08] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, Cool.
[01:26:10] Speaker A: And I hope you can hear you talking to your mom. That was awesome. You're like, what's up?
Hey. Yeah, how about we just don't wake the baby?
[01:26:22] Speaker B: No, no, no, That's. That's really important information. Yeah, it's a weird smell. Okay, great. How about you stop fucking screaming?
[01:26:34] Speaker A: All right, man, go handle your stuff. I love you, brother.
[01:26:37] Speaker B: All right. I love you, man. Have a great week.
[01:26:40] Speaker A: You too.
[01:26:41] Speaker B: Bye. Bye.
