019: Hanging like an Ornament

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I hope you know how much I love you, cuz they just went into overtime, so. But our fans are calling. Mm. Hey, did you know. Just curious. This is something I learned this week. You know when you call someone a pussy? [00:00:17] Speaker B: I. I learned this too. Where did we both learn this? Pusillanimous. [00:00:20] Speaker A: Pusillanimous, yeah. [00:00:22] Speaker B: Where did that come from? We both must have heard that. [00:00:25] Speaker A: Meaning? Meaning coward or without courage. [00:00:30] Speaker B: What was that from? [00:00:32] Speaker A: Probably TikTok. [00:00:34] Speaker B: Oh, man, that's nuts. [00:00:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't want to say nothing, but I'm going to school on TikTok, so get my. I'm getting my Bible study degree on TikTok. So. [00:00:50] Speaker B: Honestly, I. I think at this point, ChatGPT is a better education than most universities, so. [00:00:59] Speaker A: You know, I do want to say I. I want to try and write a book on chat through ChatGPT. [00:01:06] Speaker B: What do you mean by that? Because I'll tell you, as an editor, I've got some strong opinions. Okay? [00:01:12] Speaker A: So what I mean is I write my book, but I don't have to be. I don't have to, like. I don't necessarily have to be so hardcore accurate. You know what I mean? And then I just have Chat GPT rewrite the chapter. Now, however, my pen pal in prison, this guy is writing his book through ChatGPT. Like, he writes me, and he says, hey, because he doesn't have access to Chat GPT, says, hey, can you plug this into Chat GPT and send it back to me? And then I plug it into Chat GPT, it delivers a whole thing, and then I send it back to him. [00:01:56] Speaker B: Do you email with this guy? [00:01:59] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. It's through a secured, like, app, but it's basically email. But it's like text, dude. Like I do through my phone. Usually what I'll do is I'll open up, like, a plain document, write everything I want to write, get my thoughts out, and then I'll copy and paste into his thing because it times out on his. On that app. [00:02:21] Speaker B: Okay, I don't want to change the subject, but I am curious. Like, is this guy ever gonna get out? Are you ever gonna be able to, like, hang with this guy? [00:02:29] Speaker A: I think he gets out in, like, I want to say, like, eight more years maybe. [00:02:38] Speaker B: Okay, so it's possible. [00:02:41] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, it's possible. But how long has he been in. He's a convict. [00:02:46] Speaker B: I don't. [00:02:47] Speaker A: I'm not gonna hang out with comic. [00:02:49] Speaker B: He sounds awesome. Everything you've told me about him sounds rad. Does he listen? [00:02:58] Speaker A: Can he Listen, I think he. I don't know. I've told him what it is. He's actually a great guy. He's. He started a college that is actually nationally recognized. He helped. He co founded a college that is nationally recognized in, I think, every state for prisons. And it's a Bible college. Yeah. So he is busy about. About. About his work, and I love that about him. [00:03:22] Speaker B: Can I ask how long he's been in? [00:03:26] Speaker A: Oh, I think he got like a sentence. Sentence of 20 something years. [00:03:32] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:33] Speaker A: I want to say he has another 8 to 13. I want to say 13, but I feel like that's too long. [00:03:39] Speaker B: Okay. I don't want to speculate, and I also don't want to make you talk about it, especially if he listens, but I'm sensing that's an attempted murder or perhaps sexual violence or perhaps a kidnapping. Do you even know? [00:03:58] Speaker A: I do not know. [00:03:59] Speaker B: Okay, wait. It's way better that way. [00:04:02] Speaker A: I do. I was looking at 23 for. For gun charges. [00:04:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. And that wasn't even attempted murder. That was just a gun, right? [00:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah, it was. Yeah. It was just pointing a gun at someone. [00:04:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:20] Speaker A: And making a threat. Yeah. [00:04:21] Speaker B: Yeah. But it wasn't some. Like, that's technically attempted murder because yada yada or anything like that. Okay. [00:04:27] Speaker A: No, no. [00:04:29] Speaker B: Damn, that's harsh. Yeah, that's harsh, dude. The number of times in a daydream I've pulled a gun on every single one of those was 23 years. [00:04:42] Speaker A: I had to get out of the car, bro. I was like. I was like, this person just won't stop. Like, they just keep going, and I'm not. I'm not gonna pull this trigger. Like, I just wanted them to shut up. [00:04:52] Speaker B: The gun was to make them stop. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:56] Speaker B: Doesn't that show restraint? That shows, like, a crazy amount of restraint. Like, you weren't out of control. You weren't doing anything dangerous. I mean. Yeah, I mean, but, like, you weren't gonna do anything, you know? Like, isn't that. [00:05:10] Speaker A: I mean, outside of riding dirty, I wasn't doing nothing crazy, you know? I mean, it was just like, hey, look, do you know who you're messing with? And then they kept going. I was like, shoot. I guess I don't know who I'm messing with. I'm getting out the car. [00:05:29] Speaker B: So writing a book on ChatGPT. ChatGPT is a really good ditch digger. Like, it will get perfunctory, kind of like useless work out of the way. But I think it writes like shit. Even if you, like, give it Pretty specific prompts. It does this thing where it just repeats the same stuff over and over again to fill up space. And I just. No matter what I do, no matter what I tell it, I can't get it to write better than me. So I get stuff from it. And then I do all the editing and the writing. So it's kind of like the opposite where, like, instead of I can see that giving it a rough idea and then having it refine it, I get the rough idea from ChatGPT and then I rewrite it to make it good. [00:06:16] Speaker A: Okay. So I have a client. The client that I. The client that I know where that came from. The client that I have, he uses ChatGPT to write his emails. And I've heard nothing but negative stuff about his emails because I've never really. I've only received one of his emails. And yeah, it was like six paragraphs long. Now, when you're trying to get a point across, you really don't want six paragraphs long. You kind of want to bullet point that stuff like, hey, here's the important stuff, or, hey, here's my message. Now what I do. Cause I also use ChatGPT for my emails, but what I do is I write my email first and then I say, hey, refine this. And for the most part, it comes back and says, your email's well written in professional. Here's a minor changes. Couple minor changes. I go through and I read it. Boom. That's the word I was looking. That's the word I was looking for. Okay, cool. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Yeah, it's really great at stuff like that. But if you told it like, hey, I came up with this story idea, Write this story for me. Horseshit. It's just never been good for me. I don't. I don't know why it doesn't. It can't do a lot of work on its own for some reason. But, yeah, no, there's a really good book called Made to Stick, and it's all about communicating ideas. So it's like everything from marketing to teaching communication, just generally. And it's like, basically how to, like, neurologically get your ideas to stick with people. And one of the things that it hammered home was like, if you want to say 10 things, you're gonna say nothing. And I really wish pastors would read this book and apply this to their sermons because, like, I personally don't think sermons need to be more than 20 minutes long if you actually want people to pay attention and learn something. [00:08:14] Speaker A: That's about what mine are in in my Bible study group, they're three points. Couple. Couple interpretations, one observation or one illustration. Couple interpretations, observations. And then I do one illustration for each point and boom, you wrap it up. And honestly, that's good to hear because I've often worried, like, oh man, is this not enough? You know what I mean? Is this just not enough? [00:08:39] Speaker B: And so what would really help out is if you could get a thesis statement. So basically take those three points and sum it up in one sentence, open and close with that. That way that's fresh in people's minds from the beginning and the end. And then they've got the three. The three bullet points to, like, buttress the main idea that you gave them. That would really bring it home. Yeah. [00:09:04] Speaker A: Nice. All right, Cartman. Welcome to Pseudonyms, everyone. [00:09:10] Speaker B: Well, you're Stan, which I think you've been Stan before. [00:09:14] Speaker A: Your host, Stan with my co host, Cartman. [00:09:18] Speaker B: I hate you guys. Screw you guys. I'm going home. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Hey, when was. When was the first time you. Cartman, when was the first time you realized you were gonna die? [00:09:34] Speaker B: I'm gonna tell you something that could only happen. Providence of God. Are you. You're not even ready for this. You're going to think I'm making this up. When I was 12, I was watching south park and there. There. Yeah. [00:09:48] Speaker A: Oh my gosh. No way. Did that happen right now? [00:09:51] Speaker B: Happened right now. [00:09:52] Speaker A: So I call you a South park. [00:09:54] Speaker B: Name and you're like, hey, you had no idea that south park was part of the story? [00:10:00] Speaker A: Dude, I. I went through Solomon, I went through Mino, I went through Patrick. [00:10:05] Speaker B: And I was like, dude, that is the providence of God 100%. So I was 12, and it's this episode where the grandpa is trying to get his grandson. He's trying to get Stan to help him kill himself because he's like, he's old and miserable and he just wants to die. So, like, the whole episode is like him trying to convince Stan to help him, like, hang himself. And then he's visited by the ghost of his grandfather who he helped kill himself. And it's just. It was this really creepy scene where it's just this ghost, like, telling him, like, I never should have done it. I'm stuck in limbo, you know, like, you need to just live and not kill yourself. You know, it's like, it's. It's still like a funny episode, but I'm making it sound darker than it is, but for a 12 year old, it was a creepy thing to see. And I'd never really thought about like we're going to be dead way longer than we're gonna be alive, you know? It's not like I hadn't realized the reality of death, but I never ever thought about me, you know, I mean, it was just something that happened to other people and. And I might have been a little younger. I might have been 11. But it started me down this path of, like, realizing my mortality and. And then, I mean, that just eventually led to, like. Well, I guess I got to figure out what happens after I die and I gotta. I gotta get some kind of answers and I gotta make sure that all those loose ends are tied up, you know, for the afterlife. [00:11:44] Speaker A: You're 12. You got loose ends. [00:11:48] Speaker B: I gotta make sure I got that fire insurance, baby, so I gotta get. [00:11:54] Speaker A: Johnny's school money back. [00:11:57] Speaker B: In the afterlife, I gotta make sure that, like, I've got all my shit figured out so that I don't go to hell. It's. It's crazy how that's the immediate thought. Like, as soon as you start dealing with the fear of death, you start realizing you really fear hell. That's really what you're worried about. [00:12:17] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that is a true thought. Because I've probably tried to commit suicide seven times when I was younger and every time the fear of hell came, came, it was. It was right there. It was like, man, I don't. I. I can't be certain if I do this, I'm going to heaven. Do you think in the US or in the Western. The Western world that we try and sanitize and push, Push out, like, push out of sight, death, you know, like. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, we spend a lot of money on trying to beat it or stay young, if you will. We use words like passed away instead of died. Lost someone and you know, like, instead of they're gone, like lost someone. Like, I feel like in the west, and I don't know if this is true on, in. In the, in the Europe, Europe, you know, countries, but I feel like a lot of those other countries almost embrace it. Like they have days to celebrate it. You know what I mean? Like more at those day. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Yeah, the Day of the Dead. Which weirdly, here's something weird. So South America has Day of the Dead on November 2, and in Ireland the same time, like a thousand years ago, long before there was Internet or anything, Ireland was doing Samhain on Halloween just two days before. So what is it about the fall where all these pagan cultures have some kind of idea of the barrier between life and death? Going Away for a day. Because that's what it is. It's. It's that, like, the dead are more communicable. Yeah. [00:13:54] Speaker A: And they almost. They almost embrace it, dude. You know what I mean? Like, where we are so distracted. Like, you know, we'll. [00:14:02] Speaker B: We'll. [00:14:02] Speaker A: We'll kind of distract ourselves, Stay busy, spend money, scroll, you know, scroll social media, where they kind of embrace it and make it a part of their culture. [00:14:11] Speaker B: And that's. That's part of what I. Why I suggested this for tonight was because I'm reading Marcus Aurelius's Meditations. Are you familiar with that? He. He was. He was a king. Shit, I don't even know. Rome. He might have been a king in Rome. And he. He. Basically, his journals were preserved and found much later, and they. They made a book out of it, and it's been in print for, you know, like, 2,000 years. But all of his. He was a stoic. So all of his stuff is kind of, like, about, like, how am I gonna face today knowing that, like, all of this is temporary? You know, like, what really matters? Like, how am I really. And it reminds me a lot of the kind of stuff that we talk about on the podcast all the time with. [00:15:07] Speaker A: Is. Is he the guy who has the memento, Marie, which is. Yeah, he does. Remember, you must die to live fully and wisely today. [00:15:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it was him or someone he looked up to who had an assistant walk next to him while the crowds were cheering for him and whispered, you're gonna die someday to him, just so that he wouldn't get a big head about the crowds worshiping him. He had to keep in mind. So that's. That's part of why I wanted to talk about it, because I've. I've decided for the time being in my journaling and just in my kind of thought throughout the day, I'm gonna think much more about the fact that I'm gonna die one day and kind of just deal with the shit. Like, I've already. Obviously, we're both Christians, so we're not worried about where we're going or anything. It's not so much about that. It's more like this side of things where, like, if I die today, what's left unfinished? Am I, like, am I afraid to leave these things behind? Like, am I too attached to the things of this world that I couldn't leave them behind right now? You know? And, like, obviously, we're both fathers, so, like, there's a lot more to this world than Just like material possessions that. That we're probably clinging to, but. But that's part of it, dude, is like, we. We're very sanitized. And it's. It's funny that you brought up like, sublimations for death where, like we say passed away or. Or other things. It reminds me. Let's keep it light here. It reminds me two. Two deaths that I want to contrast. The first was a friend of ours who killed herself. And my buddy texted me one night and he. And he goes, hey, did you hear about. Let's call her. Jay. Did you hear about Jay? And she had already tried to kill herself a few times. So my heart's already beating a little fast and I already kind of know what he's gonna say. And I'm like, no, what happen? You there? [00:17:20] Speaker A: This guy's Internet got me on a cliffhanger. Got me on a cliffhanger. You're in your cliffhanger. Know what happened? Freeze. [00:17:37] Speaker B: So she had already tried to. To kill herself a few times. So, like, my heart rate's already going up a little bit. I kind of already know what he's going to tell me. I ask what happens? And. And he replies, she offed herself. And I was just like, dude, that is the least delicate way you could possibly tell me anything. Flash forward. [00:17:59] Speaker A: Fade to black. [00:18:00] Speaker B: Maybe five years to, my cousin passed away. And I figured out that I was one of the first people to find this out. So I realized I've got to call my mom and I've got to tell her about this. And it's late at night, News is not really traveling, but they're all getting together tomorrow. So I can't have my mom show up to this family event without knowing what's going on. So I had to call my mom at like 12:00 clock at night and figure out how do I. I've never had to tell someone before that someone has died. And so the first thought I had was like, how do I find the most delicate way to say this? [00:18:41] Speaker A: She offed herself. [00:18:42] Speaker B: And so. No, it would be so funny if I said that. But no, I. I just said like, hey, I gotta tell you some bad news. And then she thought there's like a leak in the roof or something. You know, like something. And that I. I chose to say, we lost so and so. And she didn't know what I meant, so I had to say it again, like, let. Let the reality sink. [00:19:12] Speaker A: Texted me about Jay. [00:19:22] Speaker B: Oh my God. So. But. But that's the thing, dude, is like, we. We. Sugarcoat this shit. And the true reality of it is just sort of lost, you know? And, I mean, either way, it's like a young woman killed herself because she had such debilitating mental disorders that she couldn't deal with. And my cousin drank herself to death because she couldn't deal with the loss of her daughter. You know what I mean? And, like, there's something about sugar coating those things that makes us lose the tragedy of death. I mean, death is a tragedy still. [00:19:59] Speaker A: Still. [00:20:00] Speaker B: You know, even as Christians, we still believe that it's, you know, part of what Christ came to die for. So it's. It's just. I think it's a loss for our culture that we sugarcoat these things and that we whitewash everything, you know? [00:20:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Reminded me of a song. [00:20:25] Speaker B: Pour Some Sugar on Me. So I used to play that. Every time my wife got dressed for bed, she would take her clothes off, I would start playing. [00:20:40] Speaker A: So, like, Samoans. I know Samoans. I think it's Samoans. And I'm not. I'm not quite sure. I remember we had. Man, I remember we had. Maybe it wasn't Samoans. There's a culture that buries their dead, like, in their house. Like, they take up the floor and bury their dead in their house. And it's part of his culture. Matahi is what his name was. So that doesn't. I don't know if that. He looked Asian, though, bro. [00:21:13] Speaker B: That sounds Polynesian. Okay, it could be one of those, but Polynesians, like, Hawaiian, Samoan, all that. All that stuff. [00:21:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel like they embrace it more in other countries, though. I feel like. Yeah, I feel like for them, it's. It's. It's. It's more embraced than. Than what we do. Do you think death gives. Gives life meaning? [00:21:38] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I think that's one of the things it's like. I mean, that's the thing that you always see in vampire movies, right? Is, like, how sick of being alive the vampires are. They're like a thousand years old. They've done it all. They. All your holes, Highlander. There's nothing left. What'd you say, Highlander? Dude? Like, they. They just. There's nothing left. Like, they. They don't get pleasure out of anything anymore because they've done it all and there's no urgency to live well, because they're not going to die anytime soon. [00:22:14] Speaker A: I think it gives you an insight on what truly matters. I think it not only gives you insight on what truly matters, but it's a source of Inspiration, you know, Inspiration, fear, beauty. You know, I often think of, like, I was. Not often. I was thinking about it today, actually, and I was like, man, if. If we lived forever, I don't know if I would cherish the moments with my daughters that I have, because it would just be like, well, I can do it tomorrow. I can always put it off because there's forever. And I don't know if you've ever looked at it like this, but God. God cursing, if you will. Adam with death was God's grace, because if Adam wasn't cursed with death, we would live in a sinful body for the rest of our lives. [00:23:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean. I mean, he says that right in. In Genesis, in chapter. In Genesis 3. He basically says, like, unless he eats of the tree of life and lives forever, like, he. I mean, like, that. It sounds like we're adding to the text, but it's literally in there. Yeah, that. That was a concern. And like, yeah, I lost it. But, yeah, it's. [00:23:36] Speaker A: So. Check this out. [00:23:37] Speaker B: Oh, that's what it is. It's basic economics. It's. Time is valuable because it's scarce. It's a scarce resource. If it's an unlimited resource, then you're not. You don't think anything of oxygen because it's all over the place. You could breathe it in anytime you want. We breathe it without thinking about it. But if time was like that, if we just had an unlimited amount of time, we would devalue it the same exact way. [00:24:00] Speaker A: So did you hear this? TikTok. The name of God. The name of God is Y H. W h, Right. [00:24:09] Speaker B: I love how obsessed with TikTok you are. [00:24:13] Speaker A: I'm not obsessed with TikTok Yahweh, but the proper pronunciation was our first and last words ever for every individual. [00:24:28] Speaker B: Okay, expound on that. [00:24:29] Speaker A: Breathe in. And you're saying, yeah. [00:24:36] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:36] Speaker A: I thought that was cool. Some dude was like, it's like the first word you've ever said. The proper pronunciation of it is. I was like, dang, that's pretty cool. Dude it to me so that. [00:24:51] Speaker B: I knew I'd forget the word. It's like onomatopoeia, but it's a. It's a different version of that. You know. Know what that is, right? [00:25:05] Speaker A: I mean, I might have done that once, but I don't. I don't. I didn't really call it. I called it I don't want to pee on you. We just called them golden showers. [00:25:27] Speaker B: So that's like when you're reading a comic book. And the. The little bubble has the sound of. Or the word of the sound. So, like, someone gets punched and it says smack. Yeah, yeah. So it's like that, but it's a different word. I can't remember the word. But the word for death in. Or vanity. I think it's vanity. In Ecclesiastes, you know how he says, all is vanity, all is vanity. The word for that is havel. And you have to literally expend your breath to say it. Chavel. So you're, like, breathing out to show, like, the temporary nature of. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard that. [00:26:12] Speaker B: You learned that from T. No, I. Trevor. No, I definitely didn't learn it from him. No, I learned that from Trevor. Trevor did a series on Ecclesiastes at RBC that was really good. But it's also a variation of Abel. And so the question in Ecclesiastes is like, what? Something like, what does it profit a man? To work and toil. And so what does it profit up the man? What's man? Adam. What does it profit Adam? To work and toil and whatever. The answer is Abel, the first man to die. [00:26:53] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Wow. [00:26:54] Speaker B: Yeah. Isn't that nuts? [00:26:56] Speaker A: Wow. So check this out. I have a kid in a young man. He's 20. He's a pilot. He's in my Bible study group. And next week, we're doing testimonies. And this kind of came up because one of the guys kept asking. I'd love to hear everybody's testimonies. And I'm like, cool, cool, cool. Like, we'll get to it someday, whatever. And then I was praying one night, and it was in the group, and. And we were doing ro. We were wrapping up Romans 2. And I said, you know, from everybody's walks of life, we're all here. We're all different. I'm going through certain people's testimonies that I've known. Like, you know, I know where he's come from. And I was like, dang, I don't know where this kid's come from. So I was like, you know what? Next week, let's do testimonies. And so this kid was like, hey, do you want insight on my testimony? This is next Tuesday. And I'm like, yeah, sure, give me some insight. And he's like, I've always had visions my whole life. He's like, even as a kid, I've had visions. And he goes, I got to a certain age where, like, I was just kind of depressed and suicidal. I didn't really know God, like I was agnostic. And he goes, but this. This being kept visiting me. And he goes, this is a vision. Now I'm awake. And he's like, he kept visiting me and having conversations with me. And the first thing he ever told me or told me was no man is ever glad to see me. And he goes, he had a sith. He had a long, you know, dark cloak that kind of hit his face. He had big gray wings. And he goes, he would just talk to me. And he goes, there were. There were times. Because there were times where he'd show up. Like I'd be at a party and I'd be like in the bathroom pissing, and he'd be behind me and he'd say, like, why are you doing this? And he's like, I don't. I don't really care. He goes, when I hit like 15, 16, I just got really depressed and suicidal. He goes, I kept seeing this guy, kept seeing this guy. And so he goes, finally I just said, God, if you're real, I want to see you. He said, I looked up one night and the like the deepest blue eyes electrifying. He goes, it was like electricity was coming out of him, pierced my soul, could see everything through me. He was an. And that's when I felt like God revealed himself to me. He goes, but there was so much peace in him. And he goes. He goes. And so the last time this guy comes, I told him, I don't ever want to see you again. And he goes, he came at me and he was. He lifted up his hand and it was all metal. And he goes. He came at me and went to like, just like full force hand first, like right at my face. He goes, as soon as he hit my face, the vision was gone. He's like, I never saw him again. And he was. Now I thought I was going crazy because he's like, I've known. I've had visions, but I also know psychosis is really. Is a real thing. He's like. So I didn't know if I was like going nuts or whatnot. He goes, but it was those visions that pushed me towards the Lord. And he goes, and then I looked it up. I went home and looked it up. And he goes, there is. There's like a Jewish. Whether it's folktale or not, but Jewish tradition, if you will, that he goes to the T. Like gray wings, black cloak. And he said the Jews, that he even said the guy's name. And he goes, but the Jews say he is just someone who transports from earth to heaven or earth to hell. That's all he does. He just takes you from earth to heaven or earth to hell. And he goes. And he. He was just like. But that's what. That's what put me. Pushed me towards the Lord. And he said to other visions of the Lord. Like, he's like, I was in the grocery store having a conversation with Jesus the other day, and I was like, are you kidding me, dude? Like, how cool is that, though? Like, there was a part of me that's cool. And he goes, it's cool. He's like. But it's definitely very scary at times. [00:30:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what I think about that. [00:30:49] Speaker A: I don't know, man. I think death could deepen gratitude. It could also bring clarity, you know, for him, it brought clarity on that. It was. It's a real thing, you know, It's. [00:30:58] Speaker B: Yes. [00:30:59] Speaker A: You know, I don't know what to think about it either, but I was like, it was, it was inspiring it at. At some point, because I do. I went home that night and prayed like, lord, I want to see you before I lay down tonight. I want to see you like in my dream, wherever. I just want to see you. I didn't. I didn't see nothing. But. [00:31:19] Speaker B: What a bummer. What a bummer of a story that was. [00:31:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Telling me. I lived it. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Do you think about, like, I think about this all the time. I think about we're gonna take a breath in and we're gonna breathe out and we're never gonna breathe in again. [00:31:40] Speaker A: You think about that all the time? [00:31:42] Speaker B: I mean, a couple times a day, yeah. I think, like, ideally. Ideally I'm 90, but it could happen tomorrow. [00:31:50] Speaker A: I'm not gonna lie. No, I've never thought about that. [00:31:53] Speaker B: Yeah, it's weird, honestly. Go ahead. [00:31:57] Speaker A: I think. I think I'm gonna breathe in and just hold it and never, never let it out. [00:32:03] Speaker B: Hi. I'm still alive. [00:32:07] Speaker A: Yeah. He said. He said we used to joke about, who is. Who's Maverick? Who is Goose? Looks like we know who Maverick was. El Glozzos lo host. [00:32:26] Speaker B: Now picture him. Picture him sitting there now. Now picture him. He's all skeleton. I like that smart ass Crypt King bear guy. Yeah. [00:32:35] Speaker A: Looking like that smart ass Crip you guy. Eyes all. Eyes all mushy. [00:32:41] Speaker B: Yeah, but it's like, it's. It does like create some urgency, you know? And one of the. One of the things I journaled about was like, if you were gonna die tomorrow, what do you consider unfinished. And. And it was like, first of all, like, I haven't finished raising my daughter. But then you gotta ask, like, at what point do you feel done raising your daughter? I mean, like, just because she's 18, I might not feel done. [00:33:11] Speaker A: You know, I think it's a shame that some people don't think about, like, is my daughter or child better off without me? [00:33:20] Speaker B: Mm. [00:33:21] Speaker A: Because there are some POS kids out there, you know, that are just. There are kids out there that they're not pos's. The sad part is, like, their parents are pos's, and they don't have any control over that. [00:33:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:37] Speaker A: And they're being shaped. Shaped and molded to POS's, so. Wow, that was gloomy. [00:33:47] Speaker B: You're right, though. [00:33:49] Speaker A: But here's the great thing about death. Death is the great equalizer. Like, it brings me back to that Misty Edwards sermon jam. I don't know if you remember sermon jams. [00:33:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't. I don't know. This one. [00:34:01] Speaker A: Sermons to Music. It was the first one I ever heard. And she's like, she. This life is a. What? [00:34:08] Speaker B: She? [00:34:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:10] Speaker B: Misty Edwards, a sermon jam. This was a woman. [00:34:16] Speaker A: I think she was just, like, talking at a. Like, a conference. [00:34:21] Speaker B: Better be a woman's conference. [00:34:27] Speaker A: We call that a women's conference. And they put it to music. But she was talking about, like, the great equalizer. And she's just like, you know, like, she goes, this. It's the one where she's like, this life is a vapor. One day we will die. And she was just a great equalizer, you know, whether you're rich or poor. Like, and I just remember hearing, like, that. That sermon jam, and I was like, holy crap, dude. Like, this is pretty powerful. But, yeah, she. She goes on to talk about, like, one day, you. You will die. Like, it is the great equalizer. And that's exactly. Rich, poor, you know, righteous, unrighteous. We all face it, you know, It's a part. It's. It's a part of life. [00:35:12] Speaker B: Yes. [00:35:12] Speaker A: It's not the opposite of. It's. It's a part of life, you know? [00:35:16] Speaker B: Yeah. Back. Back to the whitewashing. In our culture, churches used to have cemeteries. So you used to pass your parents grave every Sunday to go to church, you know? And like, that. [00:35:29] Speaker A: I want to open a church like that, bro. [00:35:32] Speaker B: You heard. You heard parents grave, and you got so excited. You're like, damn, dude, if they could both be gone, that would be so great. [00:35:44] Speaker A: But, like, you walk on them to get to the Church? [00:35:49] Speaker B: Well, you walk past it. I mean, yeah, sure. Take a detour, whatever. [00:35:53] Speaker A: I'm good. [00:35:53] Speaker B: Never mind. But like, even in, in like freaking Rome and stuff, they were like buried under the church. They were like down in the catacombs under the churches and stuff. That's where they buried people, you know, Mausoleum. [00:36:09] Speaker A: I like that idea. Yeah, I like the idea of walking past death and entering life. Yeah, I mean like, and then you leave past death, you know, right before you get in your car, you just, you know. [00:36:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:36:22] Speaker A: Gloom it out. [00:36:23] Speaker B: It reminds you of the stakes for sure. But. But yeah, it's just another thing we don't do anymore. We cremate everyone. [00:36:32] Speaker A: That and dude, everything's so like. Because a funeral's a like a car note, bro. Like it is. I can't even say a car note like it is. A funeral's pricey. [00:36:43] Speaker B: 10, 15 grand at least if you're gonna do it cheap. [00:36:46] Speaker A: Minimum. [00:36:47] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:36:51] Speaker A: For some though, I mean, death is great because it's a catalyst for personal transformation, you know, like, you know, you lose someone. I, you know, you hear the stories of those, the couple that are crackheads and you know, one of the partners dies and the other ones like turn their life around. [00:37:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I saw real. I'm more into reels. I know you're a tick tock guy, but I'm at the Reels University. [00:37:17] Speaker A: This, I tried and like the algorithm must be crazy nuts for me because like I just kept getting like the weirdest fat people dancing. Yeah, at first it's cool, but then you get a lot of them. You're like, I came in came stomach it. [00:37:33] Speaker B: It's definitely pushing certain things because like, it'll give me a lot of what I want. It'll give me carpentry videos and power washing and like comedy and stuff like that. [00:37:45] Speaker A: And then I'm glad you clarified what you want because in my mind I was like oh, NS. NSFW. [00:37:52] Speaker B: Okay, but. But then it's always showing me a 15 year old girl's ass just dancing or some, or at the beach or something. And I mean just if I click on it a couple hundred times, it just seems to just keep showing it to me. Just kidding. No, but like definitely some. I will, I will hit not interested on all those reels and they keep fucking giving them to me. So they're, they're definitely pushing things that I'm not interacting with, including like political stuff. But I saw this philosopher guy who was talking about facing death and he talked about how people who have a Near death experience almost always have less fear in life. And they have this clarifying moment and they turn their life around and they live life to the fullest. And they're so appreciative of like, you've got something. [00:38:51] Speaker A: I do, I do, but go on, go on. [00:38:53] Speaker B: No, but that's what he's, that's what he's saying is like to come that close to death and not die oftentimes gets rid of people's fear of it and gets people to actually live to the, to the fullest. So what shitty thing were you gonna say? [00:39:09] Speaker A: Well, I do. I'll put, I'll put my hand to God, I swear. At 16, I died. [00:39:17] Speaker B: Oh, was it, was it your dad? [00:39:19] Speaker A: Yeah. So when me and my dad got in that scuffle over, he wanted to hook up with this fat chick. And I know he was embarrassed because I was like, hey, this was the rule at 15. If you have a job, you can drink with us, you could party with us, you get tattoos with us. Like that was the thing. So I got my first tattoo. It was in the living room. It was me, my uncle, my cousin, my dad. We all lived in this apartment in Vegas. I had a job, I was pitching in on beer. We were partying. Night was going good. What they would do is they would send me out to get females and then I would come back with females. So they sent me out. I got a handful of females that I met in the, the like apartments neighboring us, you know, in another community. I would just walk around. I'm like, hey, do you guys want to party? Like, you know, you guys are welcome to come back. We got know, party favors, we got beer. So I got these. [00:40:18] Speaker B: I just want to say how shitty you were catfishing people basically because you were like this good looking young guy, these beautiful eyes and this great hair. And then you just bring it back to the bridge trolls. [00:40:33] Speaker A: I appreciate that. But you're like, these women were all older. These women were all older. They were, they were not, they knew they weren't hooking up with me. So. So I brought these three women back. They were women and they're partying with my, my uncle, my cousin, my dad and my uncle, my cousin. Take the chicks in the, in the room. Two chicks, one in each room. So my dad's got the couch, but he's got the couch with this big fat fat girl. Huge. And I know he was like, hey, boy, go to bed, cuz I want to get some. And I'm like, nah, I'm a grown Ass, man. Like, first of all, you know what I mean? Like, you wouldn't have these hoes if it wasn't for me. You know what I mean? Secondly, I got myself a job. So I pitched it on the beer. I'm drinking my beer tonight. And he just kept going at it like, go to bed. And I was like, you know, and at that time, I was big in the Menace of Society, like the movie. So I'm like, you're all up on these nuts, Sack, you know, he just like, he took me in the bathroom and hit me so fast. It was open palmed. I remember that. But it was like every blink I had, there was a hand coming at my face and it was just like he lit me up, threw me in the bathtub. And then I said something like, you're a. Or something like that. And he just hit me right in the throat. And honestly, life last before my eyes. I was on. I remember a couple vivid memories that I didn't know at the time that I had. I only remember them from this night, but like me being on a swing with my sister and dude, they were just shooting at me. But every moment felt like. Like I was in it for a minute, you know, I mean, but they were, they were coming fast. It was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Bright. There was, it was real bright and kind of a tunnel, but more of instead of like a tunnel, like a source of light that is shooting out so it gets, it gets dimmer as it, as it's getting further out. And then I just hear him pounding on my chest and saying, wake up. Wake up, wake up. And he's like, wake up, boy, wake up. And then I just, I take a deep breath, I'm like. And then he was just like, oh, you think you're funny. Like I was like playing dead. Like I was playing possum or something, you know, like, maybe he'll go away if I'll just lay here for a minute. And I just, I just like that was. But it never did anything in the sense of like, change my life. It was just like, wow. Like that's what, that's what death is like. [00:43:05] Speaker B: Like it's, it's wild because everyone describes it the same way. There's always that light and there's always your life flashing before your eyes. [00:43:14] Speaker A: It was. The life part was nuts. [00:43:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:17] Speaker A: Because it comes, it goes so fast. It's like. And I guess that's, that's. That's a new fear unlocked. Is that like, I'm gonna live a lot. I Maybe I don't, but I feel like I'm gonna live a lot of shitty scenes. [00:43:30] Speaker B: Well, I, I don't know about that because it seemed like you, you got some pretty good ones that time. [00:43:36] Speaker A: And I had really little life lived at that time. I didn't really make a lot of dumb decisions. [00:43:43] Speaker B: I don't know about that. But you had my bad memories at that point. [00:43:47] Speaker A: There might be some great ones. Do you think we should be. Do you think we should have autonomy over. Over our death? I mean, going back to the south park episode. Yeah, we should have autonomy. [00:44:01] Speaker B: I don't think. [00:44:02] Speaker A: I know. That was real big. When there's Dr. Death. [00:44:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:04] Speaker A: In like the 90s. [00:44:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Kevorkian. [00:44:08] Speaker A: Yes, Dr. Kevorkian. Thank you. [00:44:10] Speaker B: I think there was also kind of a resurgence of that in, in the 2000 and tens. There was, there was. [00:44:17] Speaker A: Yeah. With that female. [00:44:18] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I don't remember her name, but that was, that was all over the news. And I guess in Oregon around that time, they made it legal to, to. For a doctor to basically prescribe poison for you to kill yourself. They actually made a documentary about it that shows people dying on screen. And it's fucked. Like they, they tried to make it like this nice, peaceful thing. There's nothing peaceful about some old guy in the living room just going slack jawed on the couch in front of his whole family. It's. Dude, I. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you, man. They tried to make it nice and, and they couldn't even propagandize it. It just looked so bleak and so dark. But at the end of the day, no, I don't think you should kill yourself regardless of the circumstances. I think if you're on life support, if machines are keeping you alive, unplugging those machines is letting nature take its course. It's not the same as, as putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger or drinking poison or quality. [00:45:25] Speaker A: Of life at the end. Does it matter to you? Like, do you want to go out eating steaks or shakes? [00:45:32] Speaker B: Great, great question. I think it's. Well, here's where I'll start. I don't think you go to hell for killing yourself necessarily. I think Christians kill themselves and God is still sovereign over their dumb choices. [00:45:57] Speaker A: Well, I think that's between you and God, only God. I feel like you're gonna have that conversation where you're gonna be like, I couldn't bear it anymore. Yeah, it felt like the end. Now, God, with this Infinite wisdom is definitely going to be like, serious, like, what have you, like, have you been reading the Bible? Like, it's never the, you know, it's, you're never in that position. But at the same time, like, God's been with you your whole journey. He knows exactly where you're at, you know, So I don't know, I kind of feel the same way as you. I don't necessarily think it's, it's a, a sentence to hell, but at the same time, like, no, can't say it's not. [00:46:30] Speaker B: Well, I don't think you go to hell for one act, you know, I think you go to hell for not believing in Christ, for not having Christ as the answer to your sin. [00:46:44] Speaker A: Like, yeah, it would be the same as stealing. [00:46:48] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And, you know, and there's degrees to that. I, I think maybe suicide's worse. I don't know. Um, but you know, it's, it's like your, your sins are either gonna be paid for by you or they've already been paid for by Christ. And so, no, I don't think suicide, like, has an effect on that reality. But starting there, I would say, you know, the ideal would be that I wouldn't, I wouldn't necessarily be comfortable with a bunch of bureaucrats who have political motives, like calling the shots on whether grandma has to suffocate to death for the next six weeks or whether she can just take an early exit. That's a little different. I don't know. You know, I don't really know what to make of that. If someone is, you know, dying of emphysema, that is a rough go. That is drowning in your own fluids for months and years at a time. And if some 90 year old guy wanted to drink some poison and go to sleep, I, I can't say that that's the worst thing ever. But then, like, you're kind of glamorizing it to your whole family. That's kind of what the documentary was doing because they always made it like a big family thing, like the family all gathers. [00:48:05] Speaker A: What, what theater? Did you go to see this? [00:48:07] Speaker B: It was on Netflix at the time. [00:48:11] Speaker A: Really? [00:48:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:48:12] Speaker A: You was like, hey, babe, get the popcorn ready. I got a good movie for us to watch. [00:48:18] Speaker B: Bridge? [00:48:19] Speaker A: Is that what it's called? [00:48:21] Speaker B: Is that, is that the one you're. You're talking about? [00:48:24] Speaker A: No, but I'm saying, you watching this documentary where you're like, hey, babe, pop some popcorn? [00:48:28] Speaker B: Oh, no, no, it was, yeah. I mean, even worse than that. I was alone in my room when I was, like, 20, when I watched it. But. But that's what they tried to do. They tried to make it like a family event. Like, we're all gonna get together one last time, and then he's going to drink this stuff, and about 20 minutes later, he'll go away and we'll be there with him holding his hand. And it's almost kind of nice when you put it that way. But even their portrayal of it couldn't make it look nice, you know, it was. [00:48:56] Speaker A: But again, the words you used right now, the words you used, you know, hey, we're all going to get together. [00:49:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:04] Speaker A: There's no, like, hey, Grandpa's dying tonight. Yeah, there's. We're going to get together one last time as a family. We're going to, you know, he's going to drink this shake and that's going to be it. [00:49:13] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's how they were presenting it. They were sublimating it. [00:49:16] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:49:16] Speaker B: You know, so it's like fat camp. [00:49:20] Speaker A: They try and make it a summer camp, and then all of a sudden you go and you're like, everybody's the same size as me. Yeah. You know? [00:49:27] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's just. But if you said, grandpa's going to kill himself, you know, like, I don't know. That just doesn't have the same wholesome feel. [00:49:38] Speaker A: What kind of. It. Not the whole. Not even the wholesome feel. But who's gonna come to that party? I mean, you read that on the invite. [00:49:44] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean. But you know what? You know what? It's the. I don't know why I have to keep talking about this documentary. I think I was traumatized by it. And it's all coming out right now. [00:49:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I guess. [00:49:56] Speaker B: So they start with one guy who dies, like, right at the beginning of the movie. And then they follow a couple other stories throughout the documentary. And they end with just one of them actually doing it. And they do it off camera on the last one, but they have the audio playing in the room. And both of them said the exact same thing after they had drunk the thing. And they started to kind of slip away. They both said, I wish people knew how easy this was. And that was, like, one of the last things both of them said. And it's. [00:50:28] Speaker A: I wish people knew how easy this was. [00:50:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Because there was all this political controversy at the time, time about whether we should let people do this. And their last thought was, like, guys, this was so easy. Like, I'm not going to be in pain anymore. I'M just going to. I. I drank this thing and I'm just falling asleep with my family now. Like, it's great. It's just. Dude, I don't. I don't know how people are, like, trying to sell this as, like, a nice thing, but at the same time, like I said, man, I mean, there are definitely circumstances under which people are in a lot of pain and they just want to let go. So I. I really don't know what to think of it. [00:51:02] Speaker A: Here's the. Here's. Here's the shitty part about the. The world we're in, the current technological world. World we're in. I want to make recordings for my daughters, but where would I host them? Would I keep them on my phone in hopes that they could crack my code? You know, that they would even go through my pictures? You know, do I. Do I text them now? Like, I want to make little videos now, where I'm just like, hey, you're 16. You're 18. You're a. You know. You know, life's gonna get hard. I'm so proud of you, you know, like, man, the journey you've come through and go through some of the memories we've had, not in a way of like, I'm dying tomorrow, but in a way of just like, hey, like, remember this day, you know, Like. Or today's your graduation. You know what I mean? Like, I'm proud of you, you know, like, so where it'd be easy. It's easier when you got a vhs. [00:51:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:54] Speaker A: You know, you just go through. You know, you could write on it and leave it in a drawer, and someone finds it, and they're like, oh. [00:52:00] Speaker B: Wow, you know, hey, this one says, dad's dead. We should watch this one. Now if you do, you have a will. Set up. [00:52:12] Speaker A: A wheel. So what do I look like, responsible? [00:52:16] Speaker B: Ideally, you'd give those videos to a lawyer and he could hand them out after you're gone. [00:52:22] Speaker A: Okay, how am I giving these? Oh, I guess on a microchip. Okay, good point. Have you ever heard about green burials? Like, you ever see those things where, like, they put you in a tree or some? [00:52:34] Speaker B: Huh? Is that. [00:52:36] Speaker A: I think that would be kind of cool. [00:52:37] Speaker B: Yeah. But also, doesn't that just feel like the most pagan you've ever seen in your life? [00:52:44] Speaker A: Yeah, but, I mean, like, I'd rather have that than a cold, gray tombstone. [00:52:49] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, but, like, you would know. [00:52:54] Speaker A: My dad fertilized this motherfucker. [00:52:57] Speaker B: Look at the girth. [00:53:00] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, don't give me some puny Tree either. Give me something like, you know, make a table out of the tree and be like, dude, my dad, like, fertilized my coffee table. [00:53:09] Speaker B: You cut down the tree? There's an ear in there. Oh, shit. [00:53:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Kick your feet up. [00:53:17] Speaker B: But, yeah, I mean, that's. That's kind of another example of like, oh, yeah, death isn't just this cold stone that's gonna fade away in a couple hundred years if we're lucky. It's a tree now. You know, it's like. It's just another way of whitewashing it, right? [00:53:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm gonna go old school with it. I'm gonna go like. Like back in the early 1900s where, like, they put the cause of death on. Oh, yeah, your tombstone. Yeah. Like, here lies Stan. What, Stan's last marsh. Here lies Stan Marsh. Died of a cold. You know what I mean? [00:54:01] Speaker B: Just, you know, smoked black and mild. [00:54:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Died of a heart attack induced by black and miles, which I'm smoking again. Yeah. But I'm only smoking one a day. [00:54:12] Speaker B: Nice. Enjoy your life. Yeah, really enjoyed smoking. [00:54:19] Speaker A: Have you ever. Have you ever thought about how you. How you want to be remembered? You ever thought about that? [00:54:24] Speaker B: Oh, all the time. And really, another thing that. That came up about Unfinished business was like, well, my book's not done. You know, like, that would really suck to not finish my book and then. [00:54:36] Speaker A: Realize Cartman never finishes. [00:54:43] Speaker B: That's why he died. That's. He killed himself because he couldn't finish the book. But. But I. But then I had to ask myself, like, okay, so I. I'm dead. And it does not matter that the book is not done. Certainly nobody gives a shit that the book's not done. No one's waiting to read this book. But also, like, I'm not alive to enjoy the. The finished product. I'm not alive to, like, watch people read it and hear react, you know, so it's like, none of that matters. But, like, you still have this. [00:55:13] Speaker A: Some of the most famous artists, though, didn't. Didn't get famous until after their death. [00:55:18] Speaker B: Exactly. And so what does it count for, you know? So it's like, it's not something you're really going to enjoy necessarily. So, like, why are we so hung up with how we're going to be remembered when it doesn't matter to us? [00:55:33] Speaker A: I'm not gonna lie, dude. I would love. I, like. Let me ask you this for you. What is your. Like, I have two dark questions. I have two questions. One dark, one so excited. [00:55:50] Speaker B: Look at what I'm doing with my hand. This is how excited I am. [00:55:55] Speaker A: If you were to commit suicide, what would be your suicide? What. What day, date or event would you want to do it on? [00:56:06] Speaker B: Christmas Eve. Just kidding. The only thing that I've ever. And I've never had any, like, suicidal ideation, but the. The only thing I've ever thought about. Yeah, shut up. You just said you tried to kill yourself, so seven times. The. The only thing that I've ever thought about was I definitely couldn't be found by a family member. Like it would. I don't know how people do that to their families, you know, like. [00:56:43] Speaker A: Yeah, so I just walk in. You're just hanging like an ornament. [00:56:46] Speaker B: Oh, my God, dude. I mean, is that not the worst thing that ever happens to you in your life is finding someone? [00:56:53] Speaker A: I've heard of several people, friends of my parents that have walked in on their partners just hanging in the closet or hanging. [00:57:03] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, it's. So, no, I could not do that. That's about as far as I've thought. So somewhere public where. Where they're birthday is all about me. So I. That's why it's perfect though. [00:57:23] Speaker A: They're like, this is. This was. This was Nick's birthday. It's also his death day. One day there were there that one day is ruined out that year. Your birthday, it's already ruined because you're dead. And so they're mourning on your birthday, but they're also now mourning on your death. It's the best day. [00:57:39] Speaker B: That's actually genius because you're not taking up two days on the calendar. [00:57:44] Speaker A: Yep. [00:57:46] Speaker B: I'm gonna have to watch you around January. [00:57:52] Speaker A: So let me ask you this. What is your. What is your ideal way if you were to die, not suicide. If you were to die for you, what would be like the gold star death? [00:58:08] Speaker B: Well, I got two answers to that. [00:58:13] Speaker A: Fire. What? [00:58:17] Speaker B: Okay, so I got two answers. Something heroic. Something like I was trying to save someone from getting mugged and I got shot or I got stabbed or something. But the downside to that is that it probably happens sooner than later, which means I take an early exit, and then I'm costing my daughter, I'm costing my wife. So I don't love that as much. But the alternative would be, you know, 85, 90 years old, some kind of prolonged illness where I've got like a deathbed scenario and I've, you know, everyone hangs out for a little bit and I slip away and I'm gone. You know, that. That is kind of the ideal. That's the way to do it. [00:59:06] Speaker A: That is. That is ideal. I'm the same way, heroic. I want to be able to save someone, like push someone out of the way. But yes, that's when you got your knees still, you got your back. You have a little bit of muscle, a little bit of energy to run and push somebody out of the way of a car. So, yeah, I'd probably be in the same boat as you. What would you do differently though? If you right now only knew you had one day left or one year? Just. Just a year. Would you finish your book in a year? [00:59:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I could probably have it done. Yeah. [00:59:43] Speaker A: So you'd be like, hey, instead of making memories with my daughter, I'm going to finish my book. [00:59:53] Speaker B: I wouldn't need that much time. Yeah, I think at the pace I'm going now, it will be done in a year. [01:00:06] Speaker A: Okay. Do you. And this is for everybody actually. Is there. Are there people or someone you would want to forgive or ask for forgiveness from before you die? [01:00:29] Speaker B: You know, funny you mentioned that. A former friend of mine's dad just passed away, which probably is what got me thinking about death so much lately. But he and I, you know, didn't, you know, we're not like on terrible terms, but we're not really. We haven't talked in 10 years. And when I heard that his dad passed away, I was shocked that I just had no compunction to reach out to him or talk to him at all. I was like. I was bummed because his dad was really cool, but like, I had no desire to. [01:01:14] Speaker A: Like, part of you was like, damn, dude, Michael was really cool, but the other part was you, like, but so and so because like, good for him. His dad's did. That's messed up, bro. [01:01:28] Speaker B: No, it wasn't. It wasn't like that. It was like I was. I was still bummed for him, but just. Yeah, I don't need to talk to this guy. Even in the worst of times. [01:01:38] Speaker A: Did you make that phone call and was like, hey, like, I. I just heard the news. I was planning to come visit you, but me and my dad are going on a fishing trip this weekend. We gotta. We gotta father some weekend planned. Can't make it, but my condolences, my friend. [01:01:57] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, doing something with my dad on his birthday. You know how dad's birthdays are, right? [01:02:05] Speaker A: Celebrate another year of life. [01:02:11] Speaker B: There. There is one. One chick that I think about still. I don't have any regrets about any of the terrible witches ways I treated women. Except for one. I just totally ghosted her. And about a year after I ghosted her, it was like three years later. Actually, Facebook has that weird thing where if you're not friends with someone, messages go in this folder that you have to like go to to actually see if anything's in there. So it was like three years later, and I found these messages from her from like a year after I ghosted her. And she like messaged me in the middle of the night and was like, I liked you so much. Like, why didn't you like me? Why did you ghost me all this stuff? And then a message? [01:03:02] Speaker A: Your feet taking my shoes? [01:03:13] Speaker B: No, no, it wasn't that one. It was your feet, you bitch. But the next morning, there was another message from her that said, hey, ignore that. That was not a sober text. And I just realized, like, I was so terrible to her that a year later when, when she got drunk, she still thought about me and the shitty things I did. So I messaged her and apologized. But, you know, it was just a message. I would love some kind of closure on that, but it's probably, again, it's probably just better to leave that where it's at and not reopen old wounds. [01:03:59] Speaker A: Do you go check that folder frequently now to see if she ever responded? [01:04:03] Speaker B: No. You know what? When I was single, I messaged her to see if she wanted to get a coffee. And then it must have been three years later because I was already living here. I did check that folder. I saw that she had replied. I don't know when, but sometime in the three years she had replied to that message and I just deleted it. I didn't. I didn't even open it to see what it said. It's like, there's no, there's no point to this. You're married. [01:04:33] Speaker A: That's smart. That's. That's probably. I do have that regret with Boston. Like she wanted closure and I was just like, nah, like I'm married and I don't, you know, like, I have closure. Apparently I'm married. She was married at the time too. And I'm like, you're married, so you know, you should have closure. But at the same time, I mean, like when I became. When I became like a right minded Christian, I should say, like where it was, it was real intangible for me. There was a time where I wanted to go back and like, apologize to every female that I ever did wrong, you know, and just say, hey, like, I'm. I'm sorry. Like I Was still married at the time, and the ex did not like that idea. But I really wanted to go back and just be like, hey, like, I'm sorry. Like, I shouldn't have done that. You know, I shouldn't have. Whether it was ghosting or played you or whatever it was, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have done it. And. Yeah, but. Yeah, but for me, I don't. I think for the most part, I would apologize. Probably did. Number one and two, Two's taking this divorce pretty hard. Like, where she's kind of taken aside, you know, she comes to. To mom's defense a lot. And number one, just because, you know, I was. I was a absent father to her, you know, for most of her. Her time and her mom, bless God, did a great job with her. She's a great young woman. But, yeah, I mean, outside of that, nah, I ain't got nobody I need to forgive and ain't nobody else that I really care to ask for their forgiveness. I mean, like, you know, it is. [01:06:17] Speaker B: Yeah, every single other woman got exactly what she deserved. So I did. Have you ever had a post mortem with a chick? It doesn't seem like your style. It doesn't seem like your style at all. It's where. [01:06:40] Speaker A: What do you mean by postmortem with, like, ptsd? Like. [01:06:43] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. It's like after your breakup, you. You get together to just sort of rehash what happened, just to kind of like learn, grow, you know, figure some things out about yourself that maybe you were too heated at the time to really accept, you know, so whether it's a month or a year later, you just talk about, like, the breakup and just kind of, you know, figure out kind of what went wrong just for future relationships, like, no intention. I'm never getting together. [01:07:09] Speaker A: I'm never opposed to that. But it's more on. It's. I've done that with Boston. I've had conversations with chicks, but it's never like, hey, so, like, it's never for me on growth. That sounds really narcissistic. But, like, in the recent years, I've broken up with chicks and I've hung out with them afterwards and like, and I. I'm not afraid to address the white elephant, you know, I'm like, hey, look, like I told you X, Y and Z, and you ignored those and so we could be friends, but, like, we can't be nothing more, you know, because I had boundaries that you clearly crossed. So. So. But it isn't narcissistic. It's in the sense of, like, why did I withdraw? B. Because I told you X, Y, and Z, and you wanted to put push buttons. You want to be insulting or you wanted. You wanted time? That I already told you prior was dedicated to my children, and therefore, that's where I'm at. And I'm not. I'm not gonna settle. Why would I settle again? You know, I settled once. I'm not gonna do it again. [01:08:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:08:17] Speaker A: You know, that was a life sentence. Gave away my years with hair, bro. You know what I mean? [01:08:26] Speaker B: Yeah. What a waste. Damn. I spent the last good hair years with Bigfoot. That's. That's the biggest waste. Yeah, no, there was. There was one ex that I. I texted at one point, and I wanted to do that. I had no desire to get back together with her, but I did want to see because I had just gone through another breakup. So I wanted to see, is there anything I can learn here? Like, what. What am I doing to these women? How am I hurting these women? And. And I think she thought that I was, like, trying to get back together with her, so when I would, like, invite her out for a coffee, she always kind of dodged the question and would just kind of move on to something else, so. But it probably wouldn't have done much good, honestly. I literally probably thought I was mature enough for that, and I would have ended up being like, well, you were a bitch, because I never. You wouldn't hang out with my friends. Stan didn't even think you were real. [01:09:34] Speaker A: Stand didn't think you were real. [01:09:36] Speaker B: Literally. When? [01:09:38] Speaker A: Hey, you ever see movie 43, dude? [01:09:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Why? Was I. Yes. For some reason, I was already thinking about that movie, but I wasn't sure why. Literally, when. When m. Met that girl, the first thing he said was, like, so you're real? Yeah. We'd been together, like, a year and a half, and no one had ever met her. It was psycho. [01:10:11] Speaker A: Little did they know, every time they shook your hand, they were shaking. They were shaking her. [01:10:25] Speaker B: What do you think your death looks like? [01:10:30] Speaker A: Honestly? I mean, you probably don't want to lie. I don't know why I asked, honestly. [01:10:38] Speaker B: Let me give it to you straight. As if. As if I wouldn't otherwise. [01:10:45] Speaker A: I think the way I. So. I think the way I live with how social I am, and this sounds. This sounds so wrong, man. But there's a lot of guys I meet that. That take to me, but there's also a lot of guys I meet that eventually become jealous of me and not in a Way of like that I'm trying to do anything, but like, I'm very comfortable with myself. And there's a lot of men who are not comfortable with themselves. And I think a lot of men, you know, insta. For instance, I have a neighbor downstairs and you know, his mom's told me because his mom lives with them. You know, like every time you talk about what you like in a woman, like his wife gets excited because, you know, when you say you like a big butt. Now, mind you, I like a big butt. This is not a big butt. This is a wide butt. You know what I mean? Like, she's a big ass girl. This isn't like, you know, so she gets excited for all the wrong reasons. Like I remember. I remember the ex was pulling up one day and she was like, oh, I should probably get away from you. I don't want her to think I'm one of your hoes. And in my mind I was like, believe me, she wouldn't think you're one of my hoes. Like, you know what I mean? [01:12:00] Speaker B: Hey, Linda, come on. [01:12:04] Speaker A: Yeah, she wore a flower dress the other day. And I was like, dude, that looks like a rose garden. [01:12:12] Speaker B: Mrs. Roper. [01:12:15] Speaker A: Dude. And some neighbor drove by. I was like, you look lovely. And she was like, thanks. And I'm like, she looks like a dozen bouquets of flowers, dude. [01:12:24] Speaker B: Like. [01:12:30] Speaker A: So. But like her, like her husband's and her mom. His mom also told me, like, oh, he's very jealous of you. I'm like, why though? I try and do everything. I go out of my way to make him feel comfortable in my presence. I don't over engage with his wife intentionally, you know, like. But I'm me. I'm comfortable with me and who I am. And so I honestly think I'm going to get in a situation where someone's jealous of some sort. We don't know each other that well and I get shot. And mind you, this only came up because I was watching this video of a guy who shot a dude in the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas. And the story goes that they met that night. They met at 2am and somewhere between 2am and 8am there seemed to have been some sort of disagreement. And one of the dudes was carrying a gun. Now they're both drunk and he's like talking to him, trying to assert himself. And the guy kind of. And he shows the guy the gun. The guy's like, okay. And he's trying to play cool. The dude's trying to be like, calmly the Dude's trying to, like, strategically get away without having this dude be triggered. You know, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now he's starting to agree with them. He's starting to, like, you know, be cool. But, you know, he's. And then the guy just pulls out the gun and boom. Shoots him in the face. And I was like. I could see that's how I would go out, like, where I. I see a gun. Not realizing how crazy people really are or how. How gone they are. And I'm like, thinking, hey, I can talk my way out of this. Instead of just like, okay, gotta go. You know, Like, I could see myself thinking too much into, like, I can talk my way out of this. And. And. And not being. Get. Not being able to get out of a situation. I guess that's the thing. Not being able to get out of a situation that I could talk myself out of. But I also don't go out that much, and I don't party with a lot of people. [01:14:35] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm very good at communicating with people, especially kind of crazy people. Like, I can get a homeless person to stop screaming and, like, have a fairly normal conversation. So I've always kind of envisioned myself like, yeah, I bet if someone pulled out a gun, I could get out of that. Yeah, it's like, you're not dealing with a normal person at that time. [01:15:04] Speaker A: Yeah. If they have a gun and they pulled it out, not a normal person. [01:15:09] Speaker B: Well, I mean, present company excluded. [01:15:13] Speaker A: Well, yes, thank you. I had a backup plan. I wasn't gonna use it. I often think that I might get into a situation with. Because, again, like, I'll go to. Go to. When I do go out, I'm very comfortable again with myself. So I'm gonna dance. I'm gonna make an ass of myself. I'm gonna have a good time. And again, guys that go out that aren't comfortable with themselves, they have to post up. They have to have some sort of demeanor of authority in how they stand, how they carry themselves. And I've witnessed witnesses at many bars. And usually I try and go up and buy them a drink, befriend them, talk to them, make them know that I'm not a threat. I'm not here to try and hook up with the girls in your group. I'm not here trying to show off like, I'm the shit and you're not. I respect who you are. But I've also got myself in situations where I end up hanging out with a gang of guys, and I'm Talking about, like, they're all gang members. I'm hanging out with them. We're having drinks. One night was crazy because I befriended a group of guys. I just wanted to play pool, befriended them, and honestly, I don't know what we smoked. But the next morning, I woke up. It was seven o' clock. I was in a podcast parking lot. My car was running. My to go food was still sitting in the passenger seat. And I just wake up. Like, no clue how I got there. No clue how the night ended. No clue. Like, how do I leave the bar at 2, drive to a parking lot, and I'm not even in a stall. I'm in the middle lane, car on, no cops even arrest me, come to my window. Like. Like, were they not patrolling the area? Like, I just don't get how I Woke up at 7am Hunched over in my front seat, waking up with a. With a horrible headache and nothing. Like, I have. Like, those nights are the. The nights where I'm like, ooh, this could have been bad. [01:17:14] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think good news. Yeah. [01:17:22] Speaker A: My butt wasn't sore. [01:17:26] Speaker B: Or. It's got a large capacity, and you just didn't know. [01:17:33] Speaker A: You know, I've always been an overachiever. [01:17:38] Speaker B: Come on, fellas. I can take at least 3A. All right, freeze. This is the police. [01:17:54] Speaker A: Remember when truck stops were a big thing for hookups with gays? [01:17:58] Speaker B: No, but I've heard. [01:18:01] Speaker A: I think. What was it? Was it Reno911 that did a bit on that? [01:18:08] Speaker B: Was it it's always sunny in Philadelphia? [01:18:12] Speaker A: No, it was Reno 911. They pull up and that. That. That gay cop is. That is already there. Oh, right. [01:18:22] Speaker B: Did he say he was undercover? [01:18:25] Speaker A: Something like that? [01:18:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:18:26] Speaker A: But they pulled to, like, a rest. A rest stop, and, like, everybody's scattering. It's a bunch of truckers running around. [01:18:33] Speaker B: Dude, I love Terry when they're like, hey, what do you. What are you doing out here? I was just selling oranges. They're like, oh, really? Because we begin calls that you've been giving out handjobs for $2 a pop at the red light. No, I take the orange and I place it on their lap. [01:18:55] Speaker A: He's like, Nick, right? [01:18:58] Speaker B: Yeah, Nick swartzed. And he's like, so if I check the traffic cam, I'm not gonna see you beating a guy off in the car? Dude, on a. On a podcast I was listening to, these comedians were talking, and they were talking about other comedians who are in the closet and no way. And they wouldn't say names, but Then, like, they said off mic, they said someone's name, and then the other guy was like, no, he's out. And. And the guy's like, no, dude, I don't. I don't think he is. He's like, Nick Swartzen. He's totally out. Everyone knows he's gay. I googled it. No one knows he's gay. He's not gay. So they outed that guy. That sucks. It totally makes sense now that you know that. [01:19:53] Speaker A: Yeah, he's always played a. A really. He plays a really, like, overboard gay. [01:19:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Well, man, that's about all I've got on death. I'm gonna keep journaling about it, see what I can learn. See if I can. [01:20:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. [01:20:15] Speaker B: Hey, are you afraid of it? I haven't really asked you that. [01:20:17] Speaker A: Am I afraid of it? [01:20:18] Speaker B: You're not? [01:20:21] Speaker A: No, I'm not afraid of it. [01:20:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:20:22] Speaker A: No, I don't think I've ever been afraid of it. I've been afraid of where I might go. [01:20:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:20:29] Speaker A: Like, even not so much. Young, I think my first suicide attempt, I was maybe 11, maybe younger. Hung myself from a chain, but the chain didn't really connect, and I ended up busting my lip. And then. I don't know. I didn't become afraid until I became a Christian. I mean, like, I. I tried shooting myself several times. The gun didn't fire, but, like, the first time, I was abusive to my wife. I didn't like who that. I didn't like the fact that I was similar to my father in that sense. And so, you know, at that time, I tried to shoot myself. And then later on in our marriage, I slit my wrist and. But I just woke up in the bathtub. But I didn't become afraid of death. Last time I tried to attempt it, I took sleeping aids and put the exhaust. A hose on the exhaust and put it in the car. And I just. I just. I just prayed a lot. I just prayed a lot. Like, lord, you know, forgive me for this. Like, I. I don't want to go to hell, but I don't see any out, but I'm not. I'm not afraid of it. No. [01:21:46] Speaker B: Now that it's been so many years, do you see an out now? Do you. I mean, do you. Do you look back at that so differently now? [01:21:54] Speaker A: It's so differently now. Like, I don't. It hasn't been a thought in my mind since probably a couple. Probably about a year before the divorce. It was just like, okay, I'm over that phase. Like, I'm done with that. Like, that's. Put the childish stuff away. Like, life's hard. Life's hard. Get hard with it. You know, do hard things. You know, it's. There's an out for everything, and it's not the end, you know, like, there was a guy in our men's group that committed suicide because he had, like, I think three or four rental properties that he was, like, trying to use as Airbnbs, but they weren't paying off. And, like, he was upside down. He. And he ended his life. And, you know, I'm thinking, like, what if I was in that situation? It's like, dude, there's. Lose the house. Let him sue you. Like, there's. You know, it's not the end. You know, it's only the end if you have so much set into your lifestyle that you can't live without the income of those of that, like, that type of lifestyle. It doesn't support that kind of lifestyle. But then at that point, to me, it's like, well, it's clear who your God is. Your God is money. Your God is the vanity stuff. For me, I do like nice things, but if I was to lose them all, I mean, I lived in an apartment for eight months with no furniture. When I was first married, we had no. We sold all our furniture to pay rent. We slept on the couch and on the floor. So I'm not opposed to living rough. It hurts to see my children have to be a part of that, you know? Like, that's where I'm like, oh, that would be hard. But as for me, no, I'd be. I'd be fine. And again, I haven't thought about death. But come to say it, there is one way that I would love to go out, and I don't think I'd even go out. Active shooter. I honestly think I could take out an active shooter. Like, I honestly think if I'm in a crowd, I got enough COD experience. I got a. I got enough Call of Duty experience that I could creep up on a dude and. And. And get the gun away. I actually think I could. [01:24:08] Speaker B: If you can get at him from the side or from behind, you've got him. Because if you. If you go at him with all of your speed, he's gonna hit the floor. And there's no fucking way he's holding on to an AR15. Once he hits the floor. Floor, if you can get a hold of the barrel, he's. He's not wrestling that away from you. Not enough to get a Shot on you for sure. [01:24:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:24:32] Speaker B: So you gotta, you gotta hold the barrel with one hand and you gotta give him everything you've got with the other one until he's silent. [01:24:40] Speaker A: And dude, I. I honestly think I could choke him out. [01:24:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:24:44] Speaker A: Like, I honestly. If I come from behind, I think I grab that barrel and. And we got about 10 seconds worth of shooting before he's just. He's out. [01:24:51] Speaker B: Damn. [01:24:52] Speaker A: But I honestly think I could do it. I think I. I think, like, I'm not going to lie, dude. I'm a little bummed that we. This sounds horrible. I'm a little bummed that we don't have more common, active shooters. [01:25:09] Speaker B: I deserve a chance to shine. [01:25:13] Speaker A: It's always in these other big cities. You know what I mean? Never. Never in my city. [01:25:19] Speaker B: You literally had a dream about that. [01:25:23] Speaker A: I did. Dude, it was a crazy dream and. And I hit the deck and I think I. I want to say in my dream, someone pulled me to the deck and then I just stayed down. But it was like a drive by. Like the dude wasn't an active shooter. Like they were in cars just shooting us up. And then all of a sudden it went from like one car to like hundreds of dudes just shooting, shooting the place up like it was a mafia movie. That's a little different. That's not. Active shooter. Yeah, there's only. There's only one of me, so I need one guy. [01:25:55] Speaker B: I've thought about an active shooter scenario at my work and I'm. This is. This is just dawning on me right now. They made me move cubicles this week or last week, and now I am the first cubicle when you walk in the door. And our office is the first door on your right when you enter the building. So they take out the receptionist and then it's me. I'm the next fucking par. I wouldn't have any time to get away. But where I used to be in the middle of the room, I used to always think like, soon as you hear that shot, you hit the floor, go down, down the. The. What did they call that? The bullpen. And then the break room is right there. There's a. There's a patio door and then an emergency exit. You're in the parking lot, you're home free. You didn't even have time to see if anyone was okay. You're fucking out of there. I mean, maybe I would have time to yell out something that wouldn't even help people. Like, I wouldn't even have time to get my thoughts together to Say, like, there's a shooter. It would be like, I would. I would hit the floor, and I'd be like, hey, guys. And then I would just run. I just get out. It's always something stupid like that, hey. [01:27:20] Speaker A: Guys, in your house. [01:27:23] Speaker B: This car was left on fire in front of my pastor's house while we were all over having a cigar night. And, yeah, that kid. Oh, yeah, I told the story. So my pastor ran in to get a fire extinguisher. While he's gone, the engine starts to crackle. I'm like, here. I'm hearing, like, little pops and stuff. And, like, the. The embers are, like, starting to fly out, and I'm like, this thing's about to explode. That's. That's crazy. So my pastor runs past me to run to the car to start put. To start using the fire extinguisher. And I'm trying to warn him of, like, what? I know. I know that the engine is crackling, and I think it's gonna explode, but I don't. [01:28:07] Speaker A: Snapbackle, pop. Snapbackle, pop. [01:28:10] Speaker B: You know what I said? You know what I said? Chris. And he. And he stops, and he turns around. He's like, yeah. And I'm like, be careful. I just, like. I couldn't think of any of the words I needed to tell him. And he's like, okay. And he just kept running. It didn't explode. [01:28:35] Speaker A: That is nuts. What would it be nuts if you were like, chris, and you turn around, boom, car explodes. [01:28:40] Speaker B: Oh, that would have been awesome. [01:28:44] Speaker A: That had been a better ending. Yeah, not to his life. I'm just saying, to your story. Like it was if it was a movie. If it was a movie. [01:28:51] Speaker B: Look, man, he's gonna die someday anyway. I might as well have a good story. [01:28:57] Speaker A: You know what I mean? That's what life's about, dude. Sitting on the porch telling stories. Yeah, look at us. We're making money telling stories, right? You know. [01:29:06] Speaker B: We'Re making tens and tens of dollars. [01:29:11] Speaker A: Ten tens of dollars. I'd be happy with even that. [01:29:14] Speaker B: Yeah. We will eventually have to start a Patreon and do a Patreon exclusive episode every week. [01:29:23] Speaker A: Dude, I'm down. I'm down. [01:29:25] Speaker B: Let's put it this way. With my mediocre podcast, I made 150 bucks a month on Patreon. We are way better than that podcast. We're way funnier, Way more entertaining people. We would definitely pony up five bucks a month. Gotta grow these numbers a little. [01:29:44] Speaker A: I didn't know it'll work like that. [01:29:45] Speaker B: Yeah, that's all I got. [01:29:52] Speaker A: All right, let me ask you this. What's the worst way to die? [01:29:58] Speaker B: I used to say burning to death, and I think that probably is the worst. But drowning is no cakewalk. I thought drowning was just kind of going to sleep under the water. And then I listened to a podcast about it, and it's like, have you ever had soda go up the back of your nose? [01:30:20] Speaker A: Yeah, but come on, bro, who shared this story? Somebody that didn't drown. [01:30:26] Speaker B: I mean, I'm sure people drowned to the point of death and then were revived. [01:30:32] Speaker A: Yeah, but I feel like that's when you realize, man, it's shitty to have water in my nose. [01:30:39] Speaker B: Yeah, but it's like your lungs. So it's like that burning sensation from the back of your nose, but it's like all down your lungs, all through your sinus cavity. [01:30:48] Speaker A: I always felt like you would pass out before then. [01:30:51] Speaker B: I think you pass out not long after that. But it's a couple hairy 30 seconds to a minute of, like, claustrophobia and burning. [01:31:02] Speaker A: I don't think that, though, dude. I mean, like, you've. You've seen people do the pass out thing. When you were in school. Well, you didn't go to school. You went. You're homeschooled. But you know, when they do that thing on your neck, they lean you up against the wall, they're like, take a couple deep breaths. [01:31:15] Speaker B: Yeah, they. [01:31:17] Speaker A: You just go like, you just kind of doze, doze out. That's how I feel. Drowning would be. Yeah, you might have like 30 seconds of trying to take that breath, and you're like. And then you're struggling and you die. I mean, running out of a house fully engulfed, you know, I mean, like, to me, and mind you, pregnant women out there that say pregnancy is the worst pain, giving birth is the worst pain you've ever felt. Talk to a burn victim, I think running out of a house fully engulfed or a car, or sitting in the front seat of a car, not being able to get out, and it just. It's just burning. [01:31:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:31:58] Speaker A: I mean, to me, that's longer than a minute. That's longer than a fucking minute. [01:32:04] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [01:32:04] Speaker A: Oh, my good. [01:32:06] Speaker B: Did you see the video of that soldier that set himself on fire outside. [01:32:12] Speaker A: The front of it in Vegas, in front of Trump. [01:32:15] Speaker B: Trump was. I think it was in front of the American Embassy in Israel. [01:32:22] Speaker A: Really? [01:32:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:32:22] Speaker A: No, I didn't. [01:32:23] Speaker B: Yeah, it's. He's standing for a very long time before he finally falls over. I mean, like, well over a Minute. [01:32:35] Speaker A: Was he screaming? [01:32:38] Speaker B: No, I don't think he ever screams. He was screaming free Palestine at first, but I don't think he ever, like, starts to scream in pain. He just stands there. [01:32:49] Speaker A: What a man, right? What a man. I'm telling you right now, like, I would have big regret about two seconds and my clothes start on fire. [01:33:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:33:02] Speaker A: I'd be like, this was a mistake. This was a mistake. [01:33:04] Speaker B: Ooh, ooh. But you're committed at that point, dude. There's no backing out. I mean, you can stop dropping roll something. [01:33:17] Speaker A: You can fight, bro. Like, how do you sit there and, like. It doesn't hurt. [01:33:21] Speaker B: It doesn't hurt. [01:33:21] Speaker A: Don't. Don't say. How do you do that? [01:33:24] Speaker B: I think something weird like the nerves burn away and you stop feeling pain or something like that. Something I don't understand biologically probably happens that allows people to deal with that. I read Travis Barker's autobiography, and when he describes the plane crash and being in the burn unit for months, that just sounds like hell, dude. I mean, that sounds. Obviously he didn't die, but just the hear that. [01:33:55] Speaker A: Pregnant women. Months. Yeah, months. You can't even have cloth on you, bro. [01:33:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:34:00] Speaker A: Because your skin's trying to reform and. [01:34:02] Speaker B: You'Re just months of getting scrubbed with a metal brush to. Yeah. To avoid infection on your open skin. All over. On 80% of his body. [01:34:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Tell me, women, Would you take that? Or pushing a watermelon out of that little vajayjay? You know what I mean? Which one? [01:34:25] Speaker B: Which they're designed to do. They're designed to do that. [01:34:30] Speaker A: Yeah. Mind you, you guys are half of you ladies again. Epidurals. [01:34:36] Speaker B: Yeah. My wife got fentanyl. [01:34:39] Speaker A: No. [01:34:40] Speaker B: Yeah. That nuts. Yeah. I think maybe worse than burning would be some, like, kind of prolonged thing, like being buried alive. I read this book about the Soviet Union and one of the prisons, they had these holes that were 18ft down and they were like 2ft wide, and they would just pile like 15 people into this hole. And so if you were at the bottom of the hole, you just had 15 people on top of you pissing and shitting all day. And it's like people died all the time, but it's like, how many weeks did you have to live with that before you just died finally? [01:35:27] Speaker A: Well, you're going weeks. [01:35:28] Speaker B: I don't know, man. I mean, days. At least they let them out for one hour a day. [01:35:35] Speaker A: You know, speaking of being buried alive, that's kind of where the term saved by the bell came from. [01:35:40] Speaker B: Yeah. I just Heard that, too. Where did you. Where are you hearing all these things? [01:35:46] Speaker A: No, I've known this one, though, because they had a string that would be connected to a bell, and then if you came back to life, you pull the string and. [01:35:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:35:55] Speaker A: Ring the bell. Of course. [01:35:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:35:59] Speaker A: Yeah. I think being buried alive would suck just because you're stuck with like. Like. It's just you, bro. [01:36:07] Speaker B: Have you seen Barry with Ryan Reynolds? [01:36:13] Speaker A: Yeah, I did, a long time ago. [01:36:15] Speaker B: It's the whole movie, dude. The whole movie is just in the box with him. Underground Sand. [01:36:22] Speaker A: What kind of budget was that on? You know what I'm saying, Dude, the. [01:36:25] Speaker B: Whole thing must have been his salary. It costs nothing, that movie. [01:36:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I want to make a movie like that. [01:36:34] Speaker B: That. I mean, it just hurts to watch. I don't know. I guess I have claustrophobia more than some people, but, like, oh, my God. You just think about, like, wanting to push up on the top of the thing and just get out and just pushing and not having any give. Just the panic that sets in when you feel that. I saw this video. [01:36:56] Speaker A: Ringer came from WhatsApp. That's where that saying did. Ringer came from. When the bell doesn't ring, it's a dead ringer. [01:37:04] Speaker B: Oh, really? I didn't know that. Huh? I saw this video today where the cops had this guy on the ground, and they had him handcuffed behind his back, and they were afraid he was gonna bite them, so they put a fucking bag over his head that had, like, this, like, leather thing in the front so that he couldn't bite anyone. And it's like, dude, can you imagine being handcuffed behind your back with a fucking bag on your head and then thrown into the back of a police car where you can barely move? Huh? No. [01:37:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't. I never got that. I did get. I got beat up once by, like, five cops, and then I got jumped once by three cops by, like, price. Three or four cops. I think the scariest, though, was leaving a jail in Mexico and being greeted by two cops in ski mask talking about how we're about to get raped. Scariest thing in my. Because I'm like, dude, this is third world country. You play by your own rules. You're gonna. As they're leaving. As we're leaving the holding cell, jail going down to a. To a. An actual jail jail where we're gonna be stationed for however long. Two cops roll up. This cops walking is out. He doesn't have a ski mask on. You know, he didn't get the memo. And then these other two cops approach the car with ski masks, talking about how we're gonna get raped. Scared the living hell out of me, bro. Take my life. Flashed before my eyes in a different way. I was like, oh, I see how this ends. Me butt naked in an alley, Dead, dead. [01:38:51] Speaker B: Bleeding from your empty wallet. [01:38:53] Speaker A: Just like. Yeah, empty wallet. Just like it came, you know, I mean, like, if I had 20 bucks, I would have gave it to him. But no, I didn't have any money. [01:39:02] Speaker B: So what ended up happening? [01:39:06] Speaker A: The cop that walked us out ended up opening the door saying, get into the car. I jumped right in. They took us to the bigger jail and we spent a couple hours there until we were able to make our collect call back to the States. Our collect call, that was $90. And then they bailed us out for 25 a person. [01:39:23] Speaker B: Damn. How'd you get arrested? [01:39:27] Speaker A: And I didn't mean. I knew you was gonna ask. I didn't even do nothing, dude. I was standing, okay. So we took a dude down there for his like 18, 19th birthday. I was the driver. So I didn't drink. I left my money in the car. I only took enough money to have a good time with the guys. I didn't drink no alcohol. These three guys get shit faced. They're all three taking a piss on that bridge that you walk over from Tijuana to California. I'm hiding from them, like, trying to. Trying to play jokes. So I'm hiding over by a building. I'm just standing there. I'm not really hiding. I'm just standing like further away from them. I didn't do a good job. They came right up to me. Well, one was still pissing. He was the one that came back to the States and kind of told people we got arrested. But the other two walked up. One walked up, the second one walked up and hit the building, hit it like this, no force. Just kind of pissed off that the stripper at the strip club ripped his shirt and his pants and poured beer all over him. And now he's sobering up and he's pissed. And so we go to like walk back towards the fourth guy to get him so we could walk, cross back over to the States, get in the car and go home. And a cop comes up and says, let me see your IDs. And I was like, nah, you for what? And he's like, you guys were trying to break into that building. We were, dude. He was like, you guys, I saw it. You guys are trying to break into that building. I was like, look, dude, we're from America. If we're trying to break into that building, we'd be in the building right now. [01:40:57] Speaker B: Like, it's kind of our. [01:40:58] Speaker A: We're not trying to break into the building. Yeah. And I don't know if you heard, but we're number one. [01:41:06] Speaker B: We invade everything. [01:41:10] Speaker A: Yeah, don't make me call anybody. And he, like, would start calling some other federalis. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, here's my id. And then he put it in his pocket. I was like, what are you doing with that? He was like, get in the car. You're under arrest. And I was like, no way. He was like, get in the car. So got in the car. He drove us around for like, I don't know, drove us around for about 20 minutes, threatening us. And I was like, dude, I don't have any money, bro. Like, we're all broke. They spent all their money on beer and strippers. My money's on the other side of the border in my car. It's gas money. And he was like, all right. Drove us downtown, took us to a holding cell. We get in this little 10 by 10 cell, mind you. We get to this, like, little tiny local jail. Everybody's sitting against the wall. They're all just like leaning against the wall, sitting down. All these prisoners just sitting down out in the open. So I'm thinking, like, cool, like, let's find a little spot, make a little home, you know? No. They put the only white guys in the only cell. The cell is about 10 by 10. Eight by nine of it is filled up with piss. And. And you see it coming from the toilet, which is just a little ledge in the wall and a hole in the ground. And it's just full. And it comes up to us. So we're standing, hugging the cell bars. Like, we're just face up against the cell bars. We're there for about, I don't know, maybe an hour. They like, all right, come on. That's when they transfer us to a bigger jail. It's when we encounter the guys in the. The mask. Go to a bigger jail. The guy who had his clothes ripped is now yelling at the top of his lungs, waking up. This is like one in the morning waking up. Everybody in the cell block, they're all yelling at him in Spanish, cayete. He's responding with pinche to madre. [01:42:53] Speaker B: Oh. [01:42:54] Speaker A: So he's like telling them, yeah. So I'm like about to get into it with him. I'm like, dude, stop. We don't know what breakfast is. Like, we don't know if we have to eat with these dudes. We don't know if. If. If we just eat in our. We don't know. So stop. And then this guard comes up and he's like. He's like, dude, like, keep it down. He's like, nah, fuck that. He's going at the guard. So then he's like, I need water. I'm thirsty. Guard picks up a cobblestone right in front of our cell. There's a spigot. Turns on the spigot, grabs a piece of Tupperware, fills up Tupperware. Everybody, our cell. Not me, but the guys in our cell as well as guys in other cells are all drinking out the same Tupperware. Just. Just drinking the water. All of them. And I'm like, dude, I don't know a lot about Mexico, but I know it's got the amoeba virus. I'm not drinking that water. I don't want to get sick. And I'm just sitting there rubbing my arms because there's mosquitoes everywhere. Mosquitoes everywhere. And the guy on the top bunk is passed out. He doesn't have his shoes on, and his feet reek. Like, he's worn those shoes, those same socks for, like, the last three months. And I'm like, dude. All I'm telling him is like, dude, Zapatos. And he's like, dude, leave me alone. And I'm like, zapatos. And he's like, he's, you know, he's just brushing me off. And I'm like, dude, like, it smells. There's mosquitoes. And then about 4 o' clock in the morning, probably about 2 o' clock, they make it let us make our collect call. About 4 o' clock in the morning, one of their dads came and picked us up. 25 a pop. We got out for 75 after a 90 collect call. [01:44:29] Speaker B: Dude, that is a nightmare. Best night of my life. Still better than all 20 years of my marriage. [01:44:44] Speaker A: That's horrible, man. [01:44:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:44:47] Speaker A: All right, so what are you thinking about for next week, man? [01:44:50] Speaker B: I don't know. [01:44:54] Speaker A: Let's see. [01:44:55] Speaker B: Yeah, we've been going an hour 50. I don't know. [01:44:59] Speaker A: What do you. [01:44:59] Speaker B: What do you got? You've been thinking about anything? [01:45:03] Speaker A: No. I mean, I do have some stuff on fasting, but we can wait on that still because. Just because. [01:45:12] Speaker B: All right. So we were supposed to do our episode last week. I had a cold. I was out of work on Tuesday. But Wednesday, I was like, let's fucking do this. I'm just gonna act like I'm not sick until I literally can't. I went to work on Wednesday. It's like, I'm doing the podcast tonight. Doesn't matter. 10 o' clock, I'm doing the podcast. It gets to be like 8:30 and I just start coughing like I've never coughed. [01:45:42] Speaker A: No, I texted you on Wednesday and said, hey, can we push it till tomorrow night? [01:45:45] Speaker B: Oh, okay. So I worked Wednesday and then Thursday, okay, So I didn't get any sleep on Wednesday night. Thursday's the day. And then we're about to do our podcast and I start getting this terrible cough. I'm sniffing. I'm like. And you know what? I'm like, you know what? [01:46:03] Speaker A: What? [01:46:04] Speaker B: It. The audio is going to be terrible, but I'm doing it. I'm. I'm phoning up like 8:30. I'm falling asleep so bad that I'm like on the couch, like, doing this and then waking up coughing. And I'm like, I can't do this. Like, I just hit a wall. And I didn't even go to work the next day. I just. Yeah, I. I had to. I wasn't proud of it. And I know that you won't forgive. [01:46:31] Speaker A: Me, but I totally forgive you, dude. [01:46:35] Speaker B: Well, thank you. [01:46:39] Speaker A: On another note, I went to a pool party today. By the way, guys, it's May 21st. Went to a pool party today. And mind you, like, I'm thinking, like, it's a pool party for my second graders, second grade graduation. So it's all her friends. These moms are throwing it. So I'm like, whatever, dude. You know, I've seen these moms. And then all of a sudden I'm getting. I'm in a group text with like, all these numbers, I don't know. And one of the moms is like, can we bring alcohol for the adults? We had. We had to endure the second grade year too. And I'm like, I've been wanting to ask that. Just didn't know if I could. And then all these moms, like, yeah, I'm bringing Truly's. I'm bringing this, I'm bringing this. And I'm like, this now sounds like fun. So I leave, do the whole graduation thing with my daughter, go to this event. There's a couple dads there, mostly moms. And so I'm just scoping hands, you know, I mean, like, I'm looking for rings, you know, and then all of a sudden, like, this one comes up. She's like, hey, here. This is this food. This is this food. I'm like, oh, did you make that? She's like, no, I'm just giving you the tour. So I'm like, this is the one. So I got a date Saturday and Sunday night. [01:47:53] Speaker B: Nice. Saturday and Sunday? [01:47:57] Speaker A: Well, she said, let's hang out Sunday because she had planned Saturday. And I was like, okay, what are you. Like, cool. And then she told me what her plans were. I didn't ask, but she told me her plans were. I was like, oh, you want to hang out afterwards? You know, watch a movie, play video games? And she was like, that sounds great. So I was like, cool. [01:48:12] Speaker B: Nice. [01:48:13] Speaker A: So we'll see. [01:48:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:48:15] Speaker A: She makes cinnamon rolls, so. [01:48:16] Speaker B: Holy shit. Marry her. [01:48:19] Speaker A: She's hoping a bakery, bro. [01:48:21] Speaker B: Really? [01:48:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Her brownies were phenomenal. And I'm like, look, dude, I can't date someone like you. I'm gonna get fat. Like, I got a sweet tooth, like a mug. And she was like, yeah, exactly. And I was like. [01:48:37] Speaker B: I wish this was a video podcast. People can see. See the face. All right, baby. You treat me so well. [01:48:47] Speaker A: If you lived in Arizona. If you lived in Arizona, I would totally do a video podcast with you, dude. I think if we were in the same room, I would do a video podcast with you. [01:48:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. There definitely will be episodes where we're together. [01:49:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. All right, man. [01:49:05] Speaker B: All right. [01:49:06] Speaker A: I love you. We'll talk during the week about what next Wednesday looks like. [01:49:10] Speaker B: Alrighty. This has been pseudonyms. I've been Cartman. [01:49:16] Speaker A: I've been Stan Marsh. [01:49:18] Speaker B: Later, guys.